Issue #211
weekly
Dear Reader,
Do you hear that sound? Yep, that's the sound of Christmas creeping up on us, and it's going to hit us full in the face before we know it. Now is the time to mellow out a little more at work and not take things so damn serious. It's time to be lax and get into the Christmas spirit. Take longer lunch breaks; that's a good plan. And if the boss starts ragging on you, just tell him/her that you're just trying to get a head start with your Christmas shopping. And then inquire whether or not it's against company policy to buy the boss something for Christmas. "Oops! You're the boss!" you exclaim giddily, and then proceed back to your cubicle.
And when Christmas comes around, and the boss sheepishly asks you where his/her present is. Act shocked, "You didn't get it? I left it on your desk on _________!" Fill the blank with the day the last employee was laid off and left the building. Or just blame the theft on a co-worker you don't like. Works like a charm. Yes, tis the season to be jolly.
Thoughtfully yours,
Bryan
In this issue:
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While putting on our gym clothes in the changing room, I briefed my son with the routine rules and regs of kid's play. "Be nice. Don't get too wild. Follow instructions," etc. He is usually pretty much okay with this, but there are a couple of other boys his age in his group, and when they get together the combination is catastrophic (I'm sure most parents of young kids can relate to this). Anyway, he promised to behave especially since "St. Nikolaus" would be there, and he ran off to play.
And what a good little boy he was (I call him Mini-me, by the way). He wasn't too wild, and he followed the leader's instructions to jump through hoops, or climb up ladders, over benches, etc. And he didn't lose his mind when the other boys in his little gang showed up. He was an obedient child. And finally, it was time for Nikolaus to make his appearance.
Now this is Germany, not the States where Santy Claus is a jovial forgiving half-crocked big fat guy. Nikolaus is daunting and commands respect as he enters a room. He carries a book full of Christmas rhymes (that always seem intimidating with their moralistic endings), a large staff, a bag of "gifts", and sometimes a handful of small branches - switches to wap the butts of little bad ones - are stashed in his belt. I felt for these little kids as he came in. They stood around him as he read from his book preaching how important it was to be an obedient child. Nothing jovial here.
Finally it was over, and he handed out his little gifts; a wooden clothes hook shaped like an animal - and a sucker. We bid him farewell, and the kids went back to where they left off. Playing oh so playfully.
And my little boy, Mini-me, began to careen around, and I could sense that the obedience I was cherishing a moment ago was dust in the wind. He hooked up with those other young crazy lads, and they went out of control. After a few minutes of exasperating pleads to "Mellow out!" "Knock it off!" and "Okay, dammit - that's my last warning!" I pulled out my trump card with "Okay, Nikolaus was just here, and you're not getting anything for Christmas if you keep this up. He can still see you, y'know."
My boy just looked up at me and said, "That's wasn't the real Nikolaus - the real one is dead. That was only pretend." I was taken aback a bit and went on, "Then who do you think brings the presents on Christmas?" I asked.
"You do," said Mini-me - and he ran off in his reckless four-year-old way. My trump card was worthless; I honestly thought it had a couple of more years of use. And yes, since then we've had the conversations about "Well, if you don't behave, should I buy you anything anyway?" which is a stupid thing to say since it doesn't work. Kids know (at least mine do), that their old man is a softie and will always have cool stuff for them on Christmas.
And why did he say Nikolaus was dead, and that the other was a fake? Probably because my mother-in-law told both him and his six-year-old sister that St. Nikolaus was really a Turk who died hundreds of years ago, and that Santa Claus is not real; it's made up by Americans because they're not Catholic. My boy took this in stride, but my little girl was a bit freaked out. She is more in touch with American fantasies than my little boy. She's really into "Santa is Coming to Town", "The Grinch", and the whole lot. She came home and demanded the truth. "The truth?" my wife yelled, "You can't handle the truth!" my wife couldn't resist using this line which did not go over well with the little one.
So she (my little girl) turned to me and asked me to be honest, "Is there a Santa Claus? Please, tell me the truth." I thought for a moment, this may be a turning event in this child's life. This is a moment that all parents dread, and here I was.
I looked into those little teary eyes and said...
Okay, what did the Casinomeister say? Did he: a)LIE to his little girl and fill her mind with total bullshit? or b) take the honorable route to righteousness; upholding truthfulness - teaching his child that honesty is the best policy no matter if you have to shatter a few myths along the way?
Take the poll here! Let me (and others) know what you think. The answer (the truth) will be revealed next week's newsletter. http://www.casinomeister.com/forums/showthread.php?t=6572
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An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
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Bryan Bailey Webmeister Casinomeister |  |