Gambling is an addiction. I was 8 when I was first introduced to it by my father. I had a $2 winning ticket at the race track and thats all she wrote.
I have learned to moderate my gambling with the attitude of , tomorrow will also be another day. I didn't quit, for I have tried and the urge was even more powerful, so I knew that I had to do something for myself and that was to get a hold of it as tightly as it held me.
Now, when I play online, I have a goal to reach and if it is reached, I cashout. If I lose, I log off and play in fun mode for "practice" until I feel the urge is gone (boredom sets in and I leave the computer.) this is my way to control my gambling for I know I have tried all other courses, and I know I DON"T WANT HELP for I like to gamble more than I want to quit.
But I knew there must be a medium somewhere and I learned to control myself this way. I fall off the wagon every once in a while (when I have a large win and play most of it back at times which infuriates me) but it has happened less and less to almost once ever 10 withdrawals, which is acceptable to me for I am still ahead on withdrawals since I implemented this pattern ten years ago.
They say if you do it for 21 days (repitition of play) then you have a pattern set and a mind change. It took me 30 days to set my pattern.
I learned to spend more time with my husband this way, knowing if I blow my stash in one go..I am outta there!
I hope you can find that medium to control the urges to play online, for it is truly an awful thing to live with at times, but it also can be more enjoyable when you get to control IT rather than let it control you.
We all have choices and to choose to master this, you must believe you are the stronger of the two.
Good luck in your road to freedom!