A sad sad story
I am writing here today about a topic that may make some of you feel uneasy or uncomfortable, but here it goes
For probably the last 7 years of my life gambling has came and gone from time to time, for me it was an easy hook, after an initial big win I was bitten by the bug. The problem for me has never been winning, it has always been the temptation to go for that one more bet, many times down to the last dollar, which at times has put me in a severe finiancial situation and really put a toll on me and my family. Recently I had probably went for at least the last 6-7 months without gambling and I was proud of myself for that. But recently having moved to AZ, I am now surrounded with tons of new opportunitys to gamble. I was getting a long great, doing well with my business, but funds got a little tight so I decided to give it a try, I thought only $100 cant hurt anything. Upon that day, I hit it big cashing out with $1800, which at the time was very much so a blessing because I was getting ready to move my business into a new shop and buy some new shop equipment(I am in the custom manufacturing business). But of course, this wasn't enough, I went back a couple days later and cashed out with another $4k, no I realize that to some of you this may not be much but for me it was a huge gain!! But because of this damn illness, otherwise known as compulsive gambling, this was probably the worst thing that could have happened to me. I was fine for a few days, happy that I had won the money and bought lots of stuff for myself as well as my business, but after a few days the temptaion was back and I went back to the casino with a few hundred $$$$, which I did manage to make a profit from but being cocky I wound up betting too big and lost that money quickly, and this was the start of the destruction. I returned later on that day with another $1000 and lost it immediately, it was as if the cards had totally turned against me. Discouraged from the loss I didn't return for several days, but when it came to moving day I was on the way to sign the lease for my new shop, which of course drove right by the casino, with cash in my pocket I decided to stop in. It was a horrible day, I must have been losing 8 out of 10 hands. At the end of the day to my dismay I had lost over $1800, which was way beyond my limits and there went the money to the shop, I was destroyed by this. You would think I would learn my lesson, but of course not. This brings me to yesterday, I spend all last week scrounging up money and working to get enough money together to make the move, but I came up a few hundred short, so stupid me decides to take a couple hundred to the casino and try it out, of course I do nothing but lose again, at the time I supposedly only had a couple hundred in the bank so I figured that was my limit. But I didn't know a big deposit had just cleared the bank, so there I was right in the danger zone with access to big money, these days they make it too easy to withdraw beyond your ATM limits, right at the ATM!! No hassle just go ahead and spend away!! Well, at the end of the day that brings me to $1200 down, at one point I could have walked with an extra $400 but of course I decide to stay and play. At the end of the session it all really hit me, here I was right back in the middle of the very activity that has caused so much turmoil and heartache in my life!! As I sit here today only 1 day from when this all happened, I find it hard to even bring myself to work at all. I have ruined my chances to really make it with my business and really hardly left myself with enough to even pay my bills with. I spent a good part of the day yesterday a nervous wreck, trying to figure out a way out of this mess but at the end of the day i just feel like the biggest POS and I understand why somepeople take it too far and end their life over thier losses, its not the money but the shame that destroys you. I never went into this with ill intentions, but the power of money is great, and casinos are governed by evil, and having this addiction in my past it was easy to take over again, now it has left me with not much to work with, infact I may wind up losing much of my property and will likely be sued by several people just because now I have ruined my business.
So, was the win worth it all, no not at all, I would rather have spend this whole time working instead of wasting so many precious hours in that dirty, terrible casino.
Its all a game, whether it be controled by man or some force beyond that lets you win it big that first time out, just to later take you down and make you lose beyond your best intentions. How it can go from being so easy in the beginning, can't do anything wrong to not being able to do anything right, and the dealer getting that 21 in that opportune time tells me there are forces beyond our control behind the dealer. I cannot see any logic in it at all, with everything else In my life i have always been very careful and used caution in my spending, but this is a worse addiction that any drug could ever be.
Anyways, in a final note, I definitely think that gambling is a big problem in our society today, we have made it way too easy to lose our hard earned money, hell with internet casinos you can lose your ass right there in your home, even with short term wins we are all doomed to failure in the end, not many of us have the will to never return. Even with the internet casinos, payment handlers like netteller can allow you to withdraw beyond your account balance. As far as I am concered that is B.S., if anything else please put some sort of limit on our spending, instead of the skys the limit!! I have paid for my sins and it has taken down to nearly nothing, hopefully this time will be the last. I spent part of the day yesterday reading about the darker side of gambling and reading how many people it destroys every year. States are letting casinos come in to help the stated budget, but that money is coming from the people, and is it worth a few extra million added to the stated budget to destory even one familys life?? I think not. There has to be some sort of responsibility on the casinos part here. An bar would make an alcoholic leave if they drink too much, but a casino loves it when a compulsive gambler spends too much money, if casino operators have any morals at all(which I doubt they have very little) they should adopt some sort of system to prevent compusive gamblers from taking it too far. Missouri has did something about it, creating a spending/time limit for each player which help a little.
I am sure that many of you reading this can relate, but how do you cope with something like this and how do you permanently eliminate it from your life? I have taken the 1st step and banned myself from every casino in my state, but the damage is done, My biggest fear is not being able to recover from this loss.
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9th November 2004, 08:40 PM
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. I totally understand your 
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