Does My Friend Have a Gambling Problem?

[james01]

I have a friend who works at a not-so-great job, but good enough that she should be able to make rent and stuff.

I know that she plays some online slots, but I don't know how much.

Anyway, she asked me for a loan of 300 Euro to help her with rent b/c of a cashflow problem. She said she'll make it back soon. I think she meant that she'll win it, but I'm not sure.

I told her I needed to think about it. Do you think she has a gambling prob? And if so, am I "enabling" by bailing her out?

Should I be worried that she'll try to win back the money she owes me?

[julester]

...and based on the few lines you have written, I think it is impossible to say whether or not your friend has a gambling problem!

Another way of looking at it. You have a friend that smokes 50 a day and asks for a loan. Will he use the money to feed his addiction or pay his bills? We don't know but based on the actual evidence you have provided, there is hardly much proof to presume it is anything else other than genuine. You have to go with your gut feeling.

My unwanted advice is simple. If you want to lend her the money, lend it - just don't expect it back. That way, your friendship won't be threatened. If you get it back, it's a bonus (without playthrough of course ). I am not being cynical - just realistic.

One last thing. Your question is slightly loaded and suggests that you know the answer. If she does have a problem, my advice would be not to lend and if you feel comfortable, to confront here with your fears...and more importantly, help her if it's wanted.

Of course, I know nothing

[BingoT]

I say if she needs a friend to help out on the bills ask her for one and pay that bill off.This is what I would do to help her.
Never feed a gambler it will lead into hardship.
I rather see the family eat a good dinner than to gamble it away.
A good friend you may lose if you support this if you give it to her for her to try to hit the rainbow to pay you off.
A Good Friendship Is Priceless.

[babs7262]

My dad always gave me great advice, to this day he still does. When it comes to loaning money , he said to me....

"If you wanna lend someone $20 or under, thats fine because if you dont get it back, you just dont lend to that person anymore and your only out $20 at the most"

"IF someone wants more than $20 and you cant afford to lose it forever, dont lend it because if it will cost you a friendship andthats worth alot more than any amount you lend"

In other words, most people that ask a friend for more than $20 is going to take awhile to pay it back (in most instances). If you cant afford it or you need that money your lending back in a certain time , its not a good idea.

As far as a gambling problem?You really didnt give us much information, like :

1. Does she borrow money every week?
2. Do you know ALL of her other habits and vices?
3. Is she self consumed with "getting that win"?
Among lots of other things. If you want to remain a friend, like I said, lend it if you can afford to lose it and dont lend it everytime they ask because a pattern will form

[aodat2]

jimmy, I do believe you have already made up your mind before you even posted over here asking for our opinions. The only thing you're seeking here is that we change your mind and perhaps give you a good enough reason for not doing like what you have in mind.

With that said, if you're afraid that your friend might use it to gamble, then ask her directly what it's for and if it's for gambling or not. If you have a true enough friend he/she will surely tell you the truth no matter what it is.

Only borrow the money to him/her if you can afford to lose that money and still be well with it. But if that money is important to you and that you really do need it and can't afford to be without it, then don't borrow it.

[Casinomeister]

I have a friend who works at a not-so-great job, but good enough that she should be able to make rent and stuff.

I know that she plays some online slots, but I don't know how much.
...

You may want to talk to her about it to find out how much. If it's strictly recreational, you might talk to her about joining tournaments (like at Intercasino) where the player only has to pay an entrance fee and can still win a substantial amount. That's a good way to manage funds.

If she's borrowing money because of gambling, then you've answered your own question. If she understands English - point her into this direction:
http://www.casinomeister.com/quit_gambling.php
If not, do her a favor and read it for her. Many good resources and tips on how to give up gambling.

IMO: someone who is just making it by should not be gambling online. It's too convenient.

[lojo]

IMO: someone who is just making it by should not be gambling online. It's too convenient.

Excellent point! Especially in hard times - desparation can lead to despair, and that can lead to chasing and full tilt disaster.

I did the stupidest thing I've ever done a couple of weeks ago. I somehow convinced myself that the reason I wasn't winning is that I wasn't betting enough too small of a bankroll, you know. So, not having enough to cover all my obligations anyway I dipped into non-disposable income hoping to win (I know, not the usual lojo rationale)
The good news is I lost it. If I had won I may have convinced myself of even stupider things!
I shared the experience with a friend, and it wasn't what he said, it was how he said it... something like 'don't beat yourself up too bad about it, we've all done it'. (not that i believed he had, mind you)
To make a long story short i redoubled my efforts for income, cut corners on personal wants (coors instead of ingredients for mead... no tailor made ciggies, burger instead of steak, etc.) and crawled out of the hole with a quickness.

What's my point? "Lesson learned" I guess. And even gambling month to month disposable income may not be the best thing to do if I don't have a nest egg. And most importantly, it would only harm your friend to 'shame' her whether she has a gambling problem or not.

[GaryWatson]

To answer the same as everyone else in one statement....

"Never a borrower nor a lender be"

It holds true. Im stubborn in that no matter how bad it gets, I bite the bullet & eat pasta & canned tomatos for a few months.

I know what its like to gamble, hence the canned tomato but Ive tried to help friends in the past & even still do it at times but usually regret it. Ive been left in bad situations through others.

By lending money, you are doing the favor but it doesnt always seem that way and often leads to hassle. it doesnt help you and it certainly doesnt help them.

The lies are par for the course, an indication of a gambling habit. By lending money, you are being the crutch. Tough love is required for them to face their problem or they will end up deeper in it, dragging you with them.

[kimss]

The good news is I lost it. If I had won I may have convinced myself of even stupider things!

Twisted logic, I love it! Lets step it up a notch, since you are already in the clear admitting that gambling equals loosing - maby it's time to throw in the towel man, Take yourself a vacation man and get drunk! Yeeha! Trade your dollars/euroes into something materialistic - something physical!

Back to the thread again. If it's a good friend, and you can afford it, give her the money! If she gets up and running she can pay you back later, but the money is a gift initially! 300 euroes isn't that much money after alol. Also, she may do as she pleases with the money, it's her money in the end (assuming you give them to her). Playing the "I'm so much better than you, listen to me and my great advices from a perfect life" doesn't help much. Kicking people already down, doesn't help much. Maby I say this since I've been down myself, and I just hate it if you ask a favour and you get a freaking morale speech in return. Then I just say forget it, I'll ask someone else!

Sum it up:
Is it a good friend?
Can you afford it?

If both are yes, go for it and get a kick out of helping a friend!

...

Damn man! That was a reality check, smack to the face! Endeed you are right, you cruel man! Give some love, hehe.

[james01]

Thanks, everyone.
She's a really good friend, so I think I will lend her the money. I'm nervous about bringing up the subject of the online gambling, so I think I'll leave it for now, but if she doesn't pay me back by the end of next month, or if she needs another loan soon, I think I'll have a talk with her about the gambling.

Mostly, I'm worried because up until she started playing online slots, she never needed a loan, and she hasn't changed jobs and her rent hasn't gone up and her one big expense - hanging out at pubs - has gone way down - she's home a lot more, doesn't want to go out.

I don't want to give her a lecture about it, but I don't want to let my friend wreck her life either.