I am in my house and getting ready to go out for a movie. Lights go out and I accidentally drop my car keys. Am trying to find them but I fail. I get disappointed but I see out on the street a light. I go out under the light and I start looking for my keys. There I am kneeled down looking for my keys. After a while a friend of mine comes over and asks me: Costa where did you drop the keys? I reply: Inside the house, then he says with a strong tone: Why in the hell you looking outside when the keys are inside? and I go:
Isn't that what we are doing when we have a problem and we are looking for the solution outside?
--
I went to the casino today. I won £100. I got back from the casino and I wasn't feeling sad nor good. Mostly neutral which is a step forward. If a win makes you feel good then you setting up yourself to feel bad when a loss comes your way. You can enjoy something without being attached to it.
Looking back at my life I can notice that there was a time when I would get really thrilled with walking out a winner. After all it was a victory for me and my ego loved it. Me being unbalanced at the time meant that I was in need of some sort of confirmation of my domination and righteousness of decisions of life. I was thinking that winning is the only thing and losing means am useless.
Losing at the casino was not an option as I would get angry since my level of consciousness was on the level where you unconsciously operate from the view point: Feeling good is really depended on how good I do at my activities in life. If I don't accomplish certain societal standards of success then am not supposed to feel good and worthy. I was being very programmed with other words.
I should not start working to better my relation and be more concerned with myself because that's "selfish" we are told.
If I didn't win at the casino I was feeling as if like a part of me is on the line and I can't allow that. I gotta win so I can say afterwards to myself: See! I won £200 in 30 minutes, am good and from that momentarilly you gain some superficial satisfaction and pride which of course won't last for long. Moreover when you lose and you are sad the pity you receive from others seems to compensate well since you feel that your resentment is justified and the world proves it by being sorry for you and for your bad luck.
Truth is that winning or losing is just an event that takes place and nothing more. The problem is that we are programmed in such a way where we take outcomes and we equate them with our self worth. Everybody around us does the same thing so we think that thats normal since everyone does it. It takes quite some faith and willingness to drop off the junk from within and begin to realize that the steps you need to take might come across fierce opposition from those out there who want to keep you "in line" and "normal" under the justification of "good intentions", however these very steps are what one has got to carry out because the bliss of being authentic and true to yourself will allow you to provide a lot more to yourself and to the world in comparison to being just like everyone else. You cannot and will never feel good if you are not authentic to yourself. Period. What you got to offer if you are here to emulate others? Follow the herd and you will be stepping in shit. The tribal consciousness hurts a lot. You can take my word for it. You will of much more help to the society if you begin to awake just a little bit.Anyway coming more to the point now.
There was a time where I would get very angry and down If I was to come back from the casino a loser. Nowadays am not like that. By observation one can tell that the casino and its games haven't changed at all. I have. When I change the way I look at things the things I look at change. Circumstances do not make me, they reveal me. My life is a direct result of what "I am", the doing comes later. Inner power arises from meaning and meaning has to do with context thus the kind of stuff we put in our mind ultimately determine where we end up. An addiction can be a blessing if we get over it since the joy of winning over yourself is a lot different than the joy of winning over others. Someone who has recovered can be of great help to the rest. On the other hand an addiction can lead to suicide for there is nothing wrong than feeling as if you are the victim of life circumstances. Both viewpoints determine how a problem can work out for you. What we do with what happens is what matters.
I've got no PhD's or MSc's but what I say comes from within. Let your instincts decide whether what I say can work for you or not. They have worked for me.
I provided a 1st step last time and now I give out gfkostas second step for recovery.
Load up the casino, deposit, join a table and observe. Nothing else. Observe the urge to play. Observe how your mind is pursuing and justifying your wanting to gamble by setting up reasons and payoffs. Look at the urge. DO NOT try to fight it but rather understand it and let it flow without being involved. Fighting means am accepting it as real and I want to get rid of it which in return gives it more power. Having done that for a while notice that there you are with the urge and there it is someone observing the urge and saying I don't like that this is happening in me. Who is that "I" of the eye?
There is someone/something who says I don't like this uncontrollable self that is addicted to gambling. "You" do not like "yourself". You and yourself are 2 different persons. "You" is noticing and "yourself" is that which is witnessed. The "You" part needs more attention than the "yourself" part which is your ego. Live from the "You" part. The "You" part is the real self where the bliss you been looking can be found.
You do not destroy anything you simple transcending the old lie. You do not give up your views as wrong you simply adopt better ones. How do you know that something is good? By the way you feel. You want to feel good don't you?
Observe your urges as if they were happening to someone else and you will notice that they begin to disappear. When once they are gone your mind will be recontextualized and you will begin to "know" that there is a part of me has been ignored for ages. Society is all about winning,pride, etc. with other words all about ego stuff. A society that isn't selfless will never be peaceful but thats another subject for discussion.
Casinos are not responsible at all for compulsive gamblers and I insist on that. Blame something outside you for the way you are isn't the way forward and I insist once more! You can't get wet from the word water. It's how we perceive and act upon them that makes the difference. As you think so shall you be. If there was no casinos there would be something else for people to get addicted and lose their money. Nowadays we rely much too much on laws and external things to protect us.
Read this nice story:
"A 92-year-old woman, after many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of her new nursing home, smiled sweetly when told her room was ready. As she waited for the elevator, a nurse's aide began to describe her room to her. "I love it!!!," the 92-year-old interrupted enthusiastically. "But you haven't seen the room yet!" said the nurse's aid. "That doesn't have anything to do with it," she replied. "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged -- it's how I arrange my mind.....
I hope you get something from reading my stuff. If not say it and i'll zip it. Remember that words are mental concepts and they are an end in itself. Don't look at my finger when am pointing somewhere else. A map shows to you where is New York. The map ISN'T New York. If you feel what I say is helpful print this information out and practice it. If you reach a point where you say "I get it now" get rid of the paper.
LHM good luck and remember that the sun is always shining behind the clouds.
P.S. Am considering working for gamecare. Next step is how do you get an interview?
Thanks Meister for showing both sides of the coin. I wouldn't want my worst enemy to feel like I felt this morning when I looked at my bank statement. Seeing this thread and reading the help advise on your front page has made me feel a bit better. Gonna take control of my life again and move on before its too late
