I never knew until now

[Luigi810]

It's NOT ok to spend foolishly no matter how much a person has, and by no means could I have afforded it, that was a one time inheritance and now it's gone, I lost more than a half a million dollars in just 6 months, not to mention what I spent the other 4 years I didn't have money, If I had to sit here and tell everyone all I've done in the past 5 years no one would believe it, I don't care as much about losing the money, I care that I hurt my husband, money comes and goes, gambling is just not about losing money, it's about hurting the people you love. I work hard, I know I'll make it, I just need my husband to know how sorry I am. I hate myself because I neglected the one person that means the world to me, I hate myself because I could have gave some of that money to a charity, and I hate myself because it took me so long to find out I had a problem. I'm not bragging about what I spent, I'm not proud of it, I didn't earn it, the bottom line is I hurt my husband and I need to make sure he knows just how much he means to me.

One thing I also wanted to add since youve stated your bankroll each week. Alot of people are under the assumption that if you can afford to lose that much its ok. This is why alot of celebrities have drug.,drinking and gambling problems. The amount you have to spend doesnt mean you are not addicted or not have a problem. Im not saying you said that Diane. I just felt like I wanted to say that.

If I made $1 million a year and could afford to spend $10K a week and did does that mean I dont have a problem? THere is a huge misconception about hitting rock bottom. I dont believe a person has to reach rock bottom in order to get help, infact, its much stronger for a person to stop before he reaches it. THat show willpower while rock bottom shows "no choice"

[Luigi810]

I could use that huggg right about now, everyone is being so nice but yet I feel like a good fight. I wish I was playing and I am so mad that I'm not, I'm sitting here at 1:14am tired as hell, I have to be up for work at 7:00 and I feel so restless. I wish I could play like a lot of you do but I can't stop, if I win I won't go to bed until it's gone, I could never just walk away. I will not give in to this disease. Thanks Laura for the hugg, I needed it, and thanks so much for your support.

First off Diane i think you need a hugggg. I think a few of us here at cm have also walked in those steps of over depositing. I for one when i first started to deposit in jan this year I was making large deposits with few returns then when the losses started rolling in I also was disgusted in myself. I found a bit of content with by looking at it all this way at the time i was dropping in large sums of money i was very happy and having fun playing so why take that part away from myself. Then as you said, it catches upwith you so i laid back for a bit. Then i did a google search and found a site to chat with others about it and found one very helpful person that said they also have been there done that. They now play tourneys lower deposits and so on. So i in turn started to do 20 to 50 deposit, playing lowest bets and i seem to have more fun this way i see more bonus rounds free spins and i limit myself to what i would spend as pocket money rather then over doing it. Not saying this will work for everyone but this did work for me at times i go weeks with no deposits now. Give it a few days you should feel a little better if need be to chat give me a pm or any of the others that you might feel comfortable with.
Laura

[bb28]

Try to be kind to yourself Luigi and forgiving......and yes I know that is the hardest thing of all, is to forgive yourself, but you have to in order to move on. You've taken the first big step and realized that it's a problem, so don't give in to it now, because you will only be setting up a cycle of a high while you are playing and then it will be back to self loathing........so don't do it, please. Uninstall them, unsubscribe from the emails, give yourself something good to feel instead of self hate. Start right NOW!

Hugs......
BB

[Spikey]

"so much to make up to my husband, I blame him for not stopping me".

I found out a while ago I had a gambling problem too. But I know that nobody could have told me that I would end up addicted or even that I was addicted. If someone had stopped me I would have resented them and I would never have discovered that I needed to stop on my own. I believe that's why we have a life, to learn the things that don't make sense.


One important thing is to take one day at a time. Don't look at all the damage that you have done over the years and expect to fix it tomorrow, it will make you worse. It's best to look at what problems you have today and what you can do today. Do that every day and your life will slowly but surely get better.

[zebedy]

hi diane,
sorry to hear about your troubles, it looks like your on your way to recovery though by admitting you have a problem

i dont really have much to add as the members here already posted what i would have said but one thing you should do is to not regret or waste your time and energy on things that have already happened, i know its hard to do but you must look forward,
i expect everybody has done some dumb things in there lives, but regretting them gets you nowhere,
good luck i hope things get better

[babs7262]

"so much to make up to my husband, I blame him for not stopping me".

I found out a while ago I had a gambling problem too. But I know that nobody could have told me that I would end up addicted or even that I was addicted. If someone had stopped me I would have resented them and I would never have discovered that I needed to stop on my own. I believe that's why we have a life, to learn the things that don't make sense.


One important thing is to take one day at a time. Don't look at all the damage that you have done over the years and expect to fix it tomorrow, it will make you worse. It's best to look at what problems you have today and what you can do today. Do that every day and your life will slowly but surely get better.

This last paragraph couldnt be truer!! When I was in that rehab, the first thing he asked me was "how long have you been doing this" I said "about 8 yrs" he then said "It took you 8 years to get here, so expect it to take another 8 years to get back" Very true, it wont take one day, one month or even one year. It takes a lifetime. Its hard, very hard. Even though its been 10 yrs for me, I still cant go into certain places without getting the itch.

IMHO (no disrespect to those who said this, honestly) I dont think Diane will be ok just to low roll and uninstall all but one or two casinos. She is way passed that. I feel she needs to uninstall all of them and limit or even stay away from parts of this site. Please dont look at winner screenshots or anything that will trigger you. I say this with care, I think you should PM people from here that your comfortable with and give/ask for emails and not come in here for a bit. I mean that in the most caring way Diane. I enjoy our pm's and feel we can get the same result in emails. Some can cut back but I just think her having even one casino on her desktop could be damaging. Ill pm you my email and others can too who wish to keep helping her

[anniemac]

Babs,

Right again. When I was talking about cutting down, I said "if you can't quit cold turkey".

I know exactly how she feels. I, too, have been mad because I didn't have the money to play and I am one of the ones that will play til it's gone.

I wish I could just quit but not quite there yet. But getting closer every day. Like you said, did get this way overnight and won't go away overnight.

All have a good and blessed day.

[Luigi810]

3 days and counting, LOL I CANNOT believe it..and yes Babs I cannot even have one casino on my computer, it would be to tempting for me. I actually felt great when I woke up and didn't have to run money to the bank to make sure nothing was going to bounce. For 5 years I played at least 10 hours a day so 3 days is actually long for me, last night was a bad night, I fought not to download a casino but I made it. When I think of playing I get that sick feeling again and then I think of all the people out there for me showing me so much support and I feel terrible, not to mention my husband and how I feel when I think of hurting him again. I just hope hope hope I don't have a brain freeze and start playing again, but I don't think I will, not sure yet, but I really don't think I will..I'll keep you posted...I feel like there is so much pressure off of me, I never had this feeling before. It feel sooo good

Try to be kind to yourself Luigi and forgiving......and yes I know that is the hardest thing of all, is to forgive yourself, but you have to in order to move on. You've taken the first big step and realized that it's a problem, so don't give in to it now, because you will only be setting up a cycle of a high while you are playing and then it will be back to self loathing........so don't do it, please. Uninstall them, unsubscribe from the emails, give yourself something good to feel instead of self hate. Start right NOW!

Hugs......
BB

"so much to make up to my husband, I blame him for not stopping me".

I found out a while ago I had a gambling problem too. But I know that nobody could have told me that I would end up addicted or even that I was addicted. If someone had stopped me I would have resented them and I would never have discovered that I needed to stop on my own. I believe that's why we have a life, to learn the things that don't make sense.


One important thing is to take one day at a time. Don't look at all the damage that you have done over the years and expect to fix it tomorrow, it will make you worse. It's best to look at what problems you have today and what you can do today. Do that every day and your life will slowly but surely get better.

hi diane,
sorry to hear about your troubles, it looks like your on your way to recovery though by admitting you have a problem

i dont really have much to add as the members here already posted what i would have said but one thing you should do is to not regret or waste your time and energy on things that have already happened, i know its hard to do but you must look forward,
i expect everybody has done some dumb things in there lives, but regretting them gets you nowhere,
good luck i hope things get better

This last paragraph couldnt be truer!! When I was in that rehab, the first thing he asked me was "how long have you been doing this" I said "about 8 yrs" he then said "It took you 8 years to get here, so expect it to take another 8 years to get back" Very true, it wont take one day, one month or even one year. It takes a lifetime. Its hard, very hard. Even though its been 10 yrs for me, I still cant go into certain places without getting the itch.

IMHO (no disrespect to those who said this, honestly) I dont think Diane will be ok just to low roll and uninstall all but one or two casinos. She is way passed that. I feel she needs to uninstall all of them and limit or even stay away from parts of this site. Please dont look at winner screenshots or anything that will trigger you. I say this with care, I think you should PM people from here that your comfortable with and give/ask for emails and not come in here for a bit. I mean that in the most caring way Diane. I enjoy our pm's and feel we can get the same result in emails. Some can cut back but I just think her having even one casino on her desktop could be damaging. Ill pm you my email and others can too who wish to keep helping her

Babs,

Right again. When I was talking about cutting down, I said "if you can't quit cold turkey".

I know exactly how she feels. I, too, have been mad because I didn't have the money to play and I am one of the ones that will play til it's gone.

I wish I could just quit but not quite there yet. But getting closer every day. Like you said, did get this way overnight and won't go away overnight.

All have a good and blessed day.

[kauphy]

hi i play on-line and have been coming to this site for a long time. the people r great here. i have a story to tell hope it helps. not about myself but about my brother who has been into drugs for almost all his life. 2 and a half years ago. i got a phone call it was from my brother and he told me his wife lifted him after 27 years of bring marryed she 2 was into drugs. she was no winner. he wanted to kill himself so my mom and i went over to help. to make a long story short he has been clean for over 2 years has remarried and is happyer now then he has ever been in his life it was a long walk but he had alot of help along the way and he still has hes days but he takes it one step at a time. the point is he never gave up and he could have caz he had alot of health prombles been in the hospital 15 times and lost alot to his ex but now he has more then he ever had. be happy not hard on urself you still have ur husband and ur health what you lost is nothing to what you could have lost. trust in god and he will help you find ur way.

[Luigi810]

I am really glad to hear a happy ending for your brother, it's give all of us here who have additions , hope, thanks for taking the time to write me, it means a lot. Diane

hi i play on-line and have been coming to this site for a long time. the people r great here. i have a story to tell hope it helps. not about myself but about my brother who has been into drugs for almost all his life. 2 and a half years ago. i got a phone call it was from my brother and he told me his wife lifted him after 27 years of bring marryed she 2 was into drugs. she was no winner. he wanted to kill himself so my mom and i went over to help. to make a long story short he has been clean for over 2 years has remarried and is happyer now then he has ever been in his life it was a long walk but he had alot of help along the way and he still has hes days but he takes it one step at a time. the point is he never gave up and he could have caz he had alot of health prombles been in the hospital 15 times and lost alot to his ex but now he has more then he ever had. be happy not hard on urself you still have ur husband and ur health what you lost is nothing to what you could have lost. trust in god and he will help you find ur way.