I never knew until now

[Luigi810]

GA is where I belong, I just got done reading the GA page and I am sick to my stomach. How can I be so stupid, how could I have lost so much money, how could I hurt my family, this pain is unbearable. I read all the signs of a gambler and I fit everyone to a tee, why was I so blind. I'm 42 years old, I had so much money from an inheritance, I had no mortgage, no credit cards, no car payments and now I sit hear with a mortgage, and a car payment and no one to blame but myself. I was doing so good with my wins, cashing out, paying off credits cards, etc. and it sucked me right in, I won so much and now I sit here and see what I really won, "nothing" The more I won the more I played and when I lost I needed money to play so I turned to the good old refinancing the house. What the hell was I thinking. How could I have been so stupid. I sit here and read some of the threads and I want to be sick, I just joined last night to put in a complaint about 2 casinos (which are true, so stay away), and the more I read the more I hate myself. I don't like me right now, I'm not sure if I'm glad I found this site or happy that I realized before it's really to late, if it's not to late already. How do I get back all I lost, my self esteem, my dignity, how do I get it all back. How do I not go back to gambling, how do I lose this urge. I know it's killing me but yet I'm gonna miss the rush of seeing those 4 of a kinds pop up, they are so hard to get and when I got them, oh boy, not to mention the royal flushes at 25.00 a hand, yet the weird thing is I would rather see the 4 of a kind only winning 800.00 then to see the royal and winning 25,000.00, what the hell is my problem. And now I sit here reading all about the terrible casinos and how a lot of casinos don't pay you, plus I just went through the same thing with 2 casinos and I still want to play. I am so confused, so frustrated. I use to get so mad at my dad when he gambled and now I sit here and do the same. I hated him for it and now I hate myself. I hope I make it through this, I can always make the money I work very hard but will I ever get past the pain of guilt? thanks for hearing me vent, I needed it

[suzecat]

Originally Posted by Luigi810

GA is where I belong, I just got done reading the GA page and I am sick to my stomach. How can I be so stupid, how could I have lost so much money, how could I hurt my family, this pain is unbearable. I read all the signs of a gambler and I fit everyone to a tee, why was I so blind. I'm 42 years old, I had so much money from an inheritance, I had no mortgage, no credit cards, no car payments and now I sit hear with a mortgage, and a car payment and no one to blame but myself. I was doing so good with my wins, cashing out, paying off credits cards, etc. and it sucked me right in, I won so much and now I sit here and see what I really won, "nothing" The more I won the more I played and when I lost I needed money to play so I turned to the good old refinancing the house. What the hell was I thinking. How could I have been so stupid. I sit here and read some of the threads and I want to be sick, I just joined last night to put in a complaint about 2 casinos (which are true, so stay away), and the more I read the more I hate myself. I don't like me right now, I'm not sure if I'm glad I found this site or happy that I realized before it's really to late, if it's not to late already. How do I get back all I lost, my self esteem, my dignity, how do I get it all back. How do I not go back to gambling, how do I lose this urge. I know it's killing me but yet I'm gonna miss the rush of seeing those 4 of a kinds pop up, they are so hard to get and when I got them, oh boy, not to mention the royal flushes at 25.00 a hand, yet the weird thing is I would rather see the 4 of a kind only winning 800.00 then to see the royal and winning 25,000.00, what the hell is my problem. And now I sit here reading all about the terrible casinos and how a lot of casinos don't pay you, plus I just went through the same thing with 2 casinos and I still want to play. I am so confused, so frustrated. I use to get so mad at my dad when he gambled and now I sit here and do the same. I hated him for it and now I hate myself. I hope I make it through this, I can always make the money I work very hard but will I ever get past the pain of guilt? thanks for hearing me vent, I needed it

Luigi810..........bless your soul............you've had a light bulb moment! THAT is what you can build on and be proud of........

[winbig]

Yep, admitting you have a problem is a great step in the right direction...so please follow through with it, and be strong. You can do it.

[babs7262]

Hi Luigi

You are very brave!! Dont be sickened by your "past" behaviour because today is a new new and you can start anew. Addiction has no class , color, sex or religion. Anyone can get caught up in it. You are no different than anyone else but that is also a good thing. Other ppl have gone to GA or whatever group they needed and got passed their addiction. Today is not the day to get mad at yourself, today is the day to get proud of yourself for recognizing you have a problem and hitting it head on!

I am a recovering addict myself, not from gambling or drinking but still a recovering addict and yesterday (im proud to say) was my 10th anniversary clean. August 16 1998 was the last day my life became unmanagable and today is your first day for you IF YOU WANT IT TI BE. It wont be easy but nothing in life that's good enough to accomplish is.

If you need someone to chat with, please feel free to pm me. Your in the right direction my friend

[BingoT]

It takes courage to say what you did.
I give you all the best in the best direction you may take.
Take day by day and never never blame yourself.We are all human and we all learn by our mistakes we shall make in our lives.
A great way to start a new beginning is to admit your faults.& you showed us all here.
Be Proud and never look back to the faults in life and always think positive.
The first step you took in the right direction to recovery is by admitting it.
God Bless Ya
Stand Tall & Be Proud Luigi
Tom

[Luigi810]

Originally Posted by suzecat

Luigi810..........bless your soul............you've had a light bulb moment! THAT is what you can build on and be proud of........

Thank you so much for your support.

[mojo]

the more I read the more I hate myself

Please don't be so hard on yourself Luigi. It will be ok and it is ok to forgive yourself. You are human and sometimes things get the best of us. The self loathing is a part of it and I hope you move on from it quickly. I've been there. I hope to see you try to leave that behind and brush yourself off. The finanicial situation improves quickly once you stop depositing. In my case, I had to stop my funding methods. I really hated myself. To this day I cannot be trusted with an atm card so I don't have one. The bank keeps offering it and I keep refusing. I play mostly with prepaid debit cards and only when I have the cash.

Hang in there luigi and talking about it openly will help you even though it's hard. There is a good crew here to help you in any way they can.

[Luigi810]

Originally Posted by winbig

Yep, admitting you have a problem is a great step in the right direction...so please follow through with it, and be strong. You can do it.

I like to think of myself as strong, I will do this, thanks so much for your support.

[Luigi810]

Thank you, and congratulations to you, you should really be proud of yourself,
Addictions are not hard to beat, but you give me hope, I may take you up on that chat if things get unbearable, If feels great knowing there are good people out there that we all can turn to, everyone has been so supportive, I didn't get one negative, I really thought I would get bashed.
Thanks again for all your support.

You are very brave!! Dont be sickened by your "past" behaviour because today is a new new and you can start anew. Addiction has no class , color, sex or religion. Anyone can get caught up in it. You are no different than anyone else but that is also a good thing. Other ppl have gone to GA or whatever group they needed and got passed their addiction. Today is not the day to get mad at yourself, today is the day to get proud of yourself for recognizing you have a problem and hitting it head on!

I am a recovering addict myself, not from gambling or drinking but still a recovering addict and yesterday (im proud to say) was my 10th anniversary clean. August 16 1998 was the last day my life became unmanagable and today is your first day for you IF YOU WANT IT TI BE. It wont be easy but nothing in life that's good enough to accomplish is.

If you need someone to chat with, please feel free to pm me. Your in the right direction my friend[/quote]

[Luigi810]

Originally Posted by mojo

Please don't be so hard on yourself Luigi. It will be ok and it is ok to forgive yourself. You are human and sometimes things get the best of us. The self loathing is a part of it and I hope you move on from it quickly. I've been there. I hope to see you try to leave that behind and brush yourself off. The finanicial situation improves quickly once you stop depositing. In my case, I had to stop my funding methods. I really hated myself. To this day I cannot be trusted with an atm card so I don't have one. The bank keeps offering it and I keep refusing. I play mostly with prepaid debit cards and only when I have the cash.

Hang in there luigi and talking about it openly will help you even though it's hard. There is a good crew here to help you in any way they can.

You just gave me a great idea with the atm card, I am closing my bank account tomorrow, the only method I was able to use was my debit card and my bank account because I live in the US, in just a few small hours I have made so many changes, I DON'T want to gamble anymore, I am sickened by this feeling. I am so grateful I have you all to turn too, I didn't realize there were so many others like me out there. THANK YOU SO MUCH and GOOD LUCK TO YOU TOO, you seem to have your act together, that is great.