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I am no stranger to bad luck. And I am no dummy (I just play one in real life). I know the ways of that cruel mistress, variance. I can remember the first time I had a RTP of 100x bet on one of the pub IGT video lottery machines at a campus bar in Oregon. It was 1999. I was 19, but bald enough the bouncer never carded me. It was glorious. I didn't need booze, inhalants, or smoke, like my peers did; I just needed the machine.
I also remember some real quick u turns at the casino. And I remember some of the 'shouldn't have lost that much' weekends. What I don't remember is ever feeling that the wins could make up for the loses. So I made the activity fun, and that fun I made the point of the habit.
I grew to respect the machine as a god of sorts, for the machine giveth AND the machine taketh away. And though it wasn't easy at first, I eventually learned to gamble with limits, accept those limits, and have fun or get up.
Until the last few months. And I don't need to look into my current streak at all. I don't need an analysis of my RTD (Return to Dusty). I don't want to even complain. I just intend to take every single casino off of my computers that I don't have fun at. I started this morning with the Level 11 platform, every last one of them. I am on holiday for awhile, and heres why...
I have deposited a ton of coin at a couple of those level 11 casinos, and I haven't had a cashout since November. And that is 100 percent on me. I get juicer than Phil Hellmuth on a nut flush draw with 2 pair at times (for those who need a clearer analogy, I make bets and deposits like the big girl at the buffet makes trips back to the line), and before I know it, the winnings are gone and that 3mptyseat becomes occupied by a man (a dapper, handsome man at that!) with an 3mpty hole where his soul used to sit.
I ain't quitting gambling, its a lifestyle, and I enjoy it nearly as much as I respect it. BUT GODDAMN if its not time for a break. I think, like many chemicals for some people, like money for others, and like sex for the lucky few, it's super fucking addictive when you let urself go. At least for me, before I know it, I can't remember the last time I had fun. For me, I have been compromising my standards of bankroll mang. and max loss limit in favor of my impulses lately. And it had to stop. I just excluded myself permanently from a couple places that I felt were unethical, and I have been uninstalling like a man possessed.
And it feels great to take some of the power back. I know that people complain a lot, and it's okay. In fact, its not a bad thing in a forum that 'advocates fair play', bc we need to hear the bad stuff so we can avoid it, and lets face it, you are just not going to hear about it too often when players are treated square and without incident...(BC they are at the bank or living la vida loca, not cpu'ing it all night in a pity party post parade. Yes, like this pity party I am hosting here, lol)
And, IMHO, it's the nature of the gambler to have a distorted sense of the way things played out. I have been thinking about Hamlet, and frankly, I have not been true to thyself lately. I often hear losing poker players explaining their losses in terms that omit fact, and depend on the pretense of brighter days to come. They seem dishonest to their listeners, for sure, but worse, to THEMSELVES as well. SO, I want to make note of the fact that I am happy I have been on such a shit streak of late. It was all my fault and nary one time did I get fuct by a cheating game or even by a lil bad luck. And so I'm thankful and feel lucky that I issued the 'stop loss' before it got uglier. And I am glad I did not hit a big win yest or last week, it might have strung me along for a lot longer.
And I am 100 percent positive, tonight after work, its gonna be brutal. But I was bleeding out bad. Since I couldn't stop the bleeding, I have taken a break. And it feels like I just hit the big one!
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Originally Posted by rockycatt
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