My weekend Freebie bender...(no serious content)

[Kosop]

Let me preface this by saying that this particular post calls for no responses and will be long and a bit dry. If you are bored by the ramblings of a hopeless gambler, stop now and try this out instead of reading the rest. Next time you are flying somewhere, stop at a random gate and stand in front of someone who is waiting to board a plane. Stare at em, don't say a word. When they ask if they can help you, say to em 'I got a really bad feeling about his flight, sure glad I am not on it.'

Anyways, onward. Casinos love me. I am the type of gambler they try and attract. I give them my money, ask very little in return, and pretty much stick to slots. I am due baby! When I run up a bunch, I figure this gravy train has just started...dynamite would not get me away from the keyboard. 6 hours later I am playing for 9 cents a spin screaming at the monitor,'Freaking rigged software!!!'...I am usually drooling a bit by this time. Oh, and I smoke while I am playing, so the ashtray is usually overflowing and the wife is just raising all kinds of hell.

Well, I have exhausted my meager bankroll and still wanted to play. What's a lad to do? Well, I did some freebie whoring this weekend. Er, all freaking weekend. I usually stick to Microgaming(TM) sites because I love Secret Admirer(Death) and Good to Go(Brutal Death). So, I hit up the Fortune Lounge group and used up the freebies at ALL of their sites first. One of the CR's emailed me and asked why I uninstalled the software, I said I didn't win, he checked my account, agreed that I sucked, and recommended I play for fun. I tried to deposit 6 bones at one of em, the remainder of my Firepay(TM) account and the software sort of scoffed a bit. I think it was laughing.

I considered Jackpot Factory, but seeing as they are rogue, and I already used up all their nice sign up bonuses ( Go figure, cashed out every one of their casinos but don't dare play there anymore. If a dispute comes up, I am sort of on my own and I don't speak Casino very well ), I decided to try my free luck elsewhere.

I got 10 bucks from Zodiac Casino just for registering a credit card which I had no intention of using. I think they knew this. I played What on Earth at 5 cents a spin and went through the whole lot without a bonus. I tried some of the other casinos in their group, but apparently they all talk to one another because they kept wanting me to give them REAL money, which I have none of. Bastards!

I am certain there were several others in there...if you are a rep for an MG casino, and you don't have my information on file, could ya let me know? I am feeling lucky!

So, on to RTG. What I discovered about these casinos is that they are plentiful, love to give massive bonuses, and the games are all pretty much identical! Redeem this coupon code SUCKER108 for a free 108 bucks of which you can cash out 10 percent if you clear the WR of 500X and give us your firstborn. Sounds like a gem to me, where do I sign up? I played em all I think. 10 bucks here, 61 bucks there, 15, 15, 24, 33, so forth and so on. I, erm, didn't win. But, it was fun to gamble like a grand and not actually lose anything. Why is this different than just playing for fun? A real, sick, demented, chain smoking-wife bitching gambler can tell ya. Cause even tho the odds are stacked so brutally against me, there is still a CHANCE I can win something!

I would list all of the RTG's I played at so the knowledgable can point me to any I missed, but I honestly can't remember em all. If I downloaded it and it said 'You have not registered an account at this casino', I figured I was golden.

So, that about covered all of the MG and RTG casinos. I poked around at some truly dreadful ones which gave me free dough...I won't list em because honestly they made so little impression I forgot their names. Bet they remember mine tho...can't wait for the emails.

Oh, speaking of emails...I didn't check mine all weekend. Guess what I saw this morning? Bout 150 mails with my welcome instructions, bonus credits, nude photos of casino managers, and one that I must email to 10 people or I will get bad luck. I truly despise those. I know it is crap, the person who sent it knows, the originator knows. But, being a superstitious person, and a gambler to boot, I delight my freinds by sending them copies of all the ones I get.

So to wrap up a bit. I probably gambled, with playback, 10 grand or so over this free wekend. It cost me a whopping 25 bucks which I deposited at All Slots just for giggles ( erm, busted out quick ). My 6 dollars in my Firepay is still safe and hopefully breeding. In a few months I might be able to make a minimum deposit at an MG site and lose it in 14 seconds. That will always be the dream anyway. But, through all of it, I had a good time. Giggled entirely too much, felt a twinge of guilt at all this free money I was taking ( It occured to me that it wasn't free, and wasn't really money, but at the time I felt like Al Capone ). I am currently using up my last remaining bonus at Slots of Vegas (RTG) on Cleopatras Gold. 208 Spins thus far and no bonus trigger. Alas, it is not my money so I can only feel so bad about tight software...lol.

Anyways, that is it. If I get tagged onto Bryans 'naughty boy' list for gross Bonus/Freebie whoring, it might have been worth it. I had some laughs, got to gamble, lost what little of my ass I have left, and didn't actually hurt anyone finacially, including meself =)

Have fun boys, better luck than I had!!

[ballysdb]

I am undeniably sure we were seperated at birth!

[Kosop]

Quickie update! Slots of Vegas, last of the RTG's I know about, didn't quite pan out, altho I did hit the bonus on Cleopatra's Gold for a whoppin 8 bucks. Was down to my last 14 cents and still hollering at the monitor, 'Come on! You know you wanna! Who's your daddy!'

I didn't win =/

I bet gambling is a lot more fun intoxicated...

Wow, this is like turning into a Degenerate-Loser-Gambler-Blog for me.

How, in the world, in any reality derived from the sickest brain on the planet, can I be down to 14 cents and still be hopeful of a win?

I think I need a hug or something

[Kosop]

Hi Scott



Thank you for your e-mail.



I have taken a look at all your fortune lounge casino group accounts and I regret to inform you that you have created accounts and received all the sign up bonuses at all the casinos of the fortune lounge group.



I could suggest possibly signing up with Gone Gambling. This is an online casino forum that regularly sends out random bonuses to the members of its database.



Other than that, all I can suggest is to have a guest account and then play on that (for fun) when you don’t have money to play on your REAL accounts.



Should you have any other queries, please do not hesitate to contact the Casino Support Desk.



Thank you for playing with us.



Kind regards



Garreth

Casino Support Desk



I was on this tragic giggling fit and I replied to their email asking why I unistalled XXX casino. I, feeling very cool and lightheaded, asked for a better bonus at a casino group I have not actually deposited any money into. I said for a 500 percent bonus, I promise to deposit 25 bucks and I would name my second child Garreth. I hope he printed the email and stuck it up on the wall of his cubicle.

I am actually sort of proud of that response tho. You have used up all the bonuses we offer and we regret to inform you that your prowess as a gambler is found wanting. Have you conisdered online Tic-Tac-Toe?

Ok, I won't add to my own post any longer. If you would like to see where this tragic tale ends, you can view my collected works in the 'Screenshots That Blow Chunks' thread.

[vinylweatherman]

I am afraid six bucks won't even be enough for a GoneGambling bonus, I would suggest fertility treatment for your dollars until the reach $100. This will allow you to enable one of your fortune lounge accounts to receive the GoneGambling bonuses. After this, there are tons of GG point handouts for poor wagerers who are down on their luck.

Might I suggest a wager on my Onion in the 8th race on day 1789 (lane 6). I have been training it for the last two days, and I am sure it will at least get a place. I even took it on a trip to France, which as you all know is the home of the Onion. In france, onions are carried by cyclists, they are not expected to walk!!! (and certainly not to race ).

One method that might help - play a feature slot at 0.45c, and one it is spinning GO TO THE BATHROOM (this is important). You should get the Jackpot!
Of the three slot Jackpots I have had, only ONE was while present at the PC, for the other two I was attending to bathroom matters! This ONLY works with slots, do NOT try this with VP.

[dominique]

You guys are cracking me up!

[Dewberry]

Too funny! Love your sense of humour Kosop and Vinyl.

[Casinomeister]

Originally Posted by Kosop

Ok, I won't add to my own post any longer. If you would like to see where this tragic tale ends, you can view my collected works in the 'Screenshots That Blow Chunks' thread.

[Dozer]

Hey Kosop i just got a tip for this weekends horse race and barbaro's is favored 100 to 1, we would like to inform you that you have not used up all your bonus points with are casino, since you have been doing so bad on slots we would like to pass this tip on to you and place a bet of $2000.00 please keep this tip between you and are casino reps. and remember 100 to 1 odds. You can't lose. Please include your email when placing bet so we may spam you with other tips in the future.

[Kosop]

No more racing tips. I placed a large(free) wager on Vinyls onion and he got DQ'd. Steroids Vinyl? You told him they were muscle relaxants. You sick man you...