Retirement

[BingoT]

Retirement

To:

Retire At The Holiday Inn!

As I was checking my 401(k) account and thinking about retirement, I saw
an article about nursing and retirement homes.

Then it hit me. No nursing home for me!

Here is my plan: I'm checking into the Holiday Inn.

With the average cost for a nursing home reaching $188 per day, there is
a better way when we get old and feeble. I have already checked on
reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a combined long-term stay discount
and senior discount, it's $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day
for breakfast, lunch, dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service.
It also will leave enough for laundry, gratuities, and special TV
movies. Plus, I'll get a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, and
washer and dryer. I'll also get free toothpaste, razors, shampoo and
soap. And I'll be treated like a customer, not a patient.

Five dollars worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling.

There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free.

The handicap bus will also pick me up if I fake a decent limp. Ride the
church bus free on Sundays. For a change of scenery, take the airport
shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you're
at the airport, fly somewhere.

Meanwhile, the cash keeps building up.

It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. On the other hand,
Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And you are not stuck in
one place forever -- you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to
city.

Want to see Hawaii ? They have a Holiday Inns there, too.

TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No
problem. They fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience.

The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid
checks if you are OK. If not, they will call the undertaker or an
ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip,
and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to
visit you, and probably check in for a mini-vacation. The granddads can
use the pool. What more can you ask for?

When I discussed my plan with friends, they came up with even more
benefits that Holiday Inn provides retirees. Most standard rooms have
coffee makers, reclining chairs, and satellite TV -- all you need to
enjoy a cozy afternoon.

After a movie and a good nap, you can check on your children (free local
phone calls), then take a stroll to the lounge or restaurant where you
meet new and exotic people every day.

Many Holiday Inns even feature live entertainment on the weekends. Often
they have special offers, too, like the Kids Eat Free program. You can
invite your grandkids over after school to have a free dinner with you.
Just tell them not to bring more than three friends.

Pick a Holiday Inn where they allow pets, and your best friend can keep
you company as well. If you want to travel, but are a bit skittish about
unfamiliar surroundings, you'll always feel at home because wherever you
go, the rooms all look the same. And if you're getting a little
absent-minded in your old days, you never have to worry about not
finding your room -- your electronic key fits only one door and the
helpful bellman or desk clerk is on duty 24/7.

Being natural skeptics, we called a Holiday Inn to check out the
feasibility of my plan. I'm happy to report that they were positively
giddy at the idea of us checking in for a year or more. They even
offered to negotiate the rate. We could have easily knocked them down to
$40 a night!

So, when I reach the golden age I'll face it with a grin.
Just forward all your emails to the Holiday Inn!

[SlotMonster]

Wow, that's great, BT!
Unfortunately in my country I won't find decent nursing home, mostly because all these home look like this:
http://naviny.by/rubrics/society/200...media_116_2903

P.S. Sorry, I know it's "Jokes" section, but I need to blow my steam off.

[BingoT]

SlotMonster I hear ya.
I can show you some nasty places here in the US.
It all comes down to "The Help" In this line of work you really can't find the help they had years back.
Some places here I would not even put a dead dog in.
And this is why I left the nursing home industry and went into a Children's Hospital. But we do have some crap in this too.
Thanks for blowing some steam off many know what you are saying.& I agree with you all the way.
~T~

[skiny]

I can't wait to retire. Problem is I have the Freedom99 plan.

57 more years to go!

[BingoT]

Retirement what is that.
They will have to kick my ass out first before I go
I know I am a prick at work but someone has to be the boss.
Health means life and life means living.
The job is to rewarding to leave.
Someday I may have a retirement party.& I will let all of you come.

[chuchu59]

I plan to retire in 5 - 10 years time. Better do so quick as I am starting to lose my memory

[BingoT]

Originally Posted by chuchu59

I plan to retire in 5 - 10 years time. Better do so quick as I am starting to lose my memory

You Bugger

[skiny]

Originally Posted by chuchu59

I plan to retire in 5 - 10 years time. Better do so quick as I am starting to lose my memory

I'm sorry. What were we talking about?