Nasty and Crude

WHERE DID MY PUSSY JOKES GO!! I'M GONNA FIND THIS GUY AND SHOVE A PUSSY UP HIS AsS!!

[Casinomeister]

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned
gas station. They approached one of the petrol pumps, and
one of them said to it, "Greetings, earthling. We come in
peace. Take us to your leader."

The petrol pump, of course, didn't respond. The alien
repeated the greeting. There was no response. The alien,
annoyed by what he perceived to be the petrol pump's haughty
attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently,
"Earthling, how dare you ignore us in this way! Take us to
your leader or I will fire!"

The other alien shouted to his comrade, "No, you mustn't
anger him!" But before he finished his warning, the first
alien fired.

There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters
into the desert, where they landed in a heap. When they
finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to
the other one and said, "What a ferocious creature. It
nearly killed us! But how did you know he was so dangerous?"

The other alien answered, "If there's one thing I've learned
during all my travels through the galaxy, it's that if a guy
has a penis he can wrap around himself twice and then stick
into his own ear, don't mess with him!"

[Casinomeister]

Two Canadians are sitting in a bar, and getting bored. They
decide to play 20 questions. The first Canadian tries to
think of a word and after a little pondering come up with
the word---moosecock.


The second Canadian tries his first question, "Is it
something good to eat?"


The first guy thinks a moment then laughs and replies,
"Sure, I suppose you could eat it."


The second Canadian says, "Is it a moosecock?"

hahahaha

[Casinomeister]

Two gay guys live together. The first guy said, "Let's play
hide and seek. I'll hide, and if you find me I'll blow you."


The second guy asked, "What if I can't find you?"


The first replied, "I'll be behind the piano."


hahahaha

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she
sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.


"My what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf," says Little Red
Riding Hood.


The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the
road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time he is
crouched behind a tree stump.


"My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding
Hood.


Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away. About 2 miles
down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again,
this time crouched down behind a road sign. "My what big teeth
you have Mr. Wolf," taunts Little Red Riding Hood.


With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you
get lost?! I'm trying to take a ••••!"

[martee]

An executive was in quandary. He had to get rid of one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It would
be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally qualified and both did excellent work.

He finally decided that in the morning whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go.

Debra came in the next morning, hugely hungover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to get some water to take an aspirin and the executive approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off."

Debra replied, "Could you jack off, I have a terrible headache."

[Casinomeister]

Ha ha ha.

~b

There is man sitting in a bar who is really, really drunk.
When the bar closes he gets up to go home. He stumbles and
falls couple of times and finally manages to get out of the
door.


As he gathers himself, he sees a nun passing by. He
stumbles over to her and starts punching her in the face.
The nun is shocked beyond belief, but before she could say
anything, he leans over and punches her again.


This time the nun hits the pavement. The drunk stumbles
over to her, kicks her in the butt, picks her up and throws
her against the wall. By now the nun is very weak and can
barely move. He leans over her, grabbing her by the collar
of her habit and says, "Not feeling too STRONG tonight,
ARE YOU, BATMAN!"

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof.
So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an
ad for "Gorilla Removers." He calls the number, and the
gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.


The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's
got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit
bull. "What are you going to do", the homeowner asks?


"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm
going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof
with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the
pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go.
The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him
in the cage in the back of the van."


So the guy puts the ladder up, gets the bat and the shot-
gun and walks towards the ladder. As he gets to the base of
the ladder, he hands the shotgun to the homeowner.


"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.


"If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!

[Casinomeister]

ha ha ha

One morning the Pope awoke in his bedchamber in the
Vatican. To his surprise, he noticed that he had woken up
with a massive erection.; Perplexed, he called on his
personal physician.


"Doctor, this should not be possible," he said, "I'm the
Pope, and I'm celibate! I haven't had one of these for 50
years!"


The doctor's reply was, "Well, father, this is a natural
phenomenon for all men, and it will happen even to you from
time to time". The Pope exclaimed "But you must do
something about this! I have mass in an hour, and this
thing isn't going away!"


The doctor replied "You have two options... either I can
administer an injection to your penis to make the problem
go away, which will hurt and make you feel ill, or you can
just quietly go into the toilet over there and relieve
yourself."


Fearing the injection, the Pope elects the second option.
Unbeknownst to him, a paparazzi photographer has sneaked
into the Vatican, and just as the Pope reaches that point
of no return, up pops the photographer and begins snapping
away.


The Pope immediately summons his security guards, who
arrest the photographer, and begin to beat him up. The
paparazzo shouts out, "Hey, I thought you were a Christian
organization! What has happened to your forgiveness?"


Upon reflection, the pope agrees with the photographer, and
relents, saying "Yes, my son, you are right, we shall
release you. Unfortunately, we cannot return your camera,
as we cannot allow the scandal of what is contained on the
film to be seen in the outside world."


Never slow to take an opportunity, the photographer
replies, "But this is how I make my living! If you take my
camera, I'll lose the money I could have sold the
photographs for!"


The Pope, feeling guilty, agrees. "Very well, we will
compensate you. How about $100,000?"


Ecstatic, the man agrees, and is soon on his way. The Pope,
meanwhile attends confession, and the whole story comes
out. For his penance, he is therefore ordered to walk three
times around St. Peter's, with the offending camera around
his neck.


Out on his walk, he meets a Japanese tourist:


"Ah, so, very nice Japanese camera you got there,
Mr. Pope," says the man, "how much you pay for it?"


"Being the Pope, I cannot tell a lie," he replies, "I must
confess that I paid $100,000 for it."


"Ah," says the Japanese gentleman, "look like someone saw
you coming!"