Questions that Haunt me

[BingoT]

QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME.
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How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
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Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
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Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
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What disease did cured ham actually have?
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How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
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Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
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If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
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Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
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Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
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Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
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Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp,
Which no decent human being would eat?
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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
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If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
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Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
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If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
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Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
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Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
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Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,
But when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

 

[LaurieJim]

these are great tom. hey wondered about some of the same things myself

 

[SlotsWizard]

Here's my attempt at answering each question:

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

They have to be some sort of famous political figure.

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

The government, for taxes.

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

I think they probably offer a change of clothes.

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

Square boxes are easier/cheaper to mass-produce than round ones.

What disease did cured ham actually have?

Gonorrhea.

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

How do we know that wheels on luggage came later? Where can we find that out for sure?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

Because whoever coined that phrase was an idiot.

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Yes.

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

A movie is a one-time piece of art; a TV is a device you use to watch movies and other pieces of art such as TV shows. TV shows are a little more complicated, subject to use of both "in" and "on": someone who is expected to be a regular part of a TV show which is still in syndication is said to be "in" that show, while someone who is not expected to be a regular is said to be "on" that show. If the show is no longer in syndication then "in" and "on" are both acceptable when using the past tense. Examples: "Larry David is in Curb Your Enthusiasm", "John Travolta is on Saturday Night Live" or "My cousin is going to be on the news", and "Jason Alexander was in Seinfeld" or "Jason Alexander was on Seinfeld".

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

It's a lot easier and more fun to spy on people when they don't know that they are being watched.

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Nobody wants to see you undress.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

To complement the plurality/nonplurality of the body parts that they cover.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

There are people who like that setting. In fact, these people probably all work for the toaster companies.

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

The lyrics aren't "Jimmy crack corn and no one cares", they are "Jimmy crack corn and I don't care". So the author of the song doesn't care, but that doesn't mean that absolutely nobody cares. Jimmy probably cares, otherwise he wouldn't be cracking corn in the first place.

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

Only if the corpse is sitting upright in the passenger seat.

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

The show wouldn't have lasted very long if he had fixed it.

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

Variety is the spice of life.

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

It wouldn't have been very entertaining to watch a coyote buy a dinner and eat it.

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

If it makes you happy or proud to think so, then yes it does.

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Yes.

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

I didn't, however, I did go through it in my head the first time I read this list of questions a few years ago.

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

A hemorrhoid is not a several-miles-wide piece of space rock, so I don't think any comparison can or should be made between the two.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

I have never blown in a dog's face, but if you have and he got mad at you, then your breath is probably really bad - even by the dog's standards.