War of the Sexes

[colly]

We still love you guys

regards
colly

Subject: Request for Raise

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary
for the following reasons:

*I do physical labour

*I work at great depths

*I plunge head first into everything I do

*I do not get weekends off or public holidays

*I work in a damp environment

*I don't get paid overtime

*I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation

*I work in high temperatures

*My work exposes me to contagious diseases


Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering
the arguments you have raised, the administration
rejects your request for the following reasons:

*You do not work 8 hours straight

*You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods

*You do not always follow the orders of the management team

*You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas

*You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in
order to start working

*You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift

*You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the
correct protective clothing

*You'll retire well before reaching 65

*You're unable to work double shifts before you have completed the day's
work

*And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and
leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,

The Management

 

[The Dude]

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying a cocktail after work one night, when the bar door opened and the most gorgeous hunk of a man she had ever seen entered.

He was tall, muscular, and handsome, with thick dark hair and beautiful, sparkling green eyes, and his every movement was so masculine and sensuous that the woman could not help but stare.

The man noticed that he was the object of the woman's rapt attention, and with a sly, sexy smile, approached her. Blushing, she prepared to apologize for staring, but he leaned close and whispered in her ear.

"I'll do anything," he whispered in a deep, soft voice. "Anything, absolutely anything you want, anything you have ever fantasized, for fifty dollars. There's just one condition..."

Trembling with anticipation, the woman asked him the condition. The man said, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The women gazed into his hypnotic eyes, considering the proposition,then reached into her handbag and took out fifty dollars. She scribbled
her address on a napkin, folded it around the cash, and pressed it into his waiting hand. She leaned over and whispered into his ear...

"Clean... my... house."

 

[martee]

1. What's the definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.

2. Define Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

3. What's the difference between the Pope and your boss? The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once and the seat folded up.

7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

8. A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.

10. The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you end up at work.

11. Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.

12. A blonde told her friend, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid."

13. Why is a government worker like a shotgun with a broken firing pin? It won't work and you can't fire it.

14. I'm so depressed... My husband went to the Dr. today and he refused to write him a prescription for Viagra. Said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.

 

[peralis]

The Geography of Women.

Between the ages of 15-18, a woman is like China or Iran. Developing at a
sizzling rate with a lot of potential but as yet still not free or open.

Between the ages of 18-21, a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half
discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bush land around the
fertile deltas.

Between the ages of 21-30, a woman is like America or Japan. Completely
discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries
with cash or cars.

Between the ages of 30-35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and
convinced of its own beauty.

Between the ages of 35-40, a woman is like France or Argentina. She may
have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and
desirable place to visit.

Between the ages of 40-50, she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war
and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between the ages of 50-60, she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet
and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps
people away.

Between the ages of 60-70, a woman is like England or Mongolia. A glorious
and all conquering past but alas no future.

After 70, they become Afghanistan or Pakistan. Everyone knows where it is,
but no one wants to go there!!!!!!!