W.T.F Where Has Empathy And Civility Gone ?

[Cleveland]

I'm glad your here but would you come to my home at 3 am if I needed you too?

Hell yes, that I would.....

 

[skiny]

An understanding of good moral values and acceptable behaviour has to start at an early age. Children need to learn patience, tolerance, respect and empathy before they develop a sense of independence. Young adults will make their own choices and these choices should be based on a solid foundation of morality learned while they grew up. This doesn't require two parents or specifically a father or mother to be present. Many single parents have raised upstanding young adults and many criminals have come from a two parent family. It does require a perseverance and a stubbornness. A constant awareness of the kind of values your children are learning which will not only come from you but also the people you associate with.

If children learn and accept there are ways they cannot behave, rules that cannot be broken and ways they cannot treat people at home, they are more likely to accept these facts at school or on the street. I've always found it useful to get children to try to explain why they did something wrong rather than just tell them it was wrong and then punish them for it. I've try to be as calm and logical as possible when dealing with children. I think children need to learn that getting angry is not a productive response when dealing with a problem. And when problems are minor the reactions should be minor. That's why I prefer to make jokes about it rather than make a bigger deal of things than they need be but when there is a real problem the jokes need to stop and a real conversation is warranted.

I think children need to learn that all actions have consequences. They just don't all need to be severe.

Once we sat down to dinner and there was a nice big pork chop, some potatoes and vegetables on our plates. My son looked down at his plate and said "I don't like pork chops."

I said, "Really? I do" while reaching across the table, stabbing his pork chop with my fork and dropping it on my plate.

Then he looked down at his now almost empty plate and over at his mother with the best "WTF?" look I ever saw.

I think I taught my kids a pretty good sense of morality and a good sense of don't screw with dad.

 

[just play]

Once we sat down to dinner and there was a nice big pork chop, some potatoes and vegetables on our plates. My son looked down at his plate and said "I don't like pork chops."

I said, "Really? I do" while reaching across the table, stabbing his pork chop with my fork and dropping it on my plate.

You told that story before and I laugh at it every time.

I do something different. For some reason every time we have spaghetti my youngest daughter ALWAYS says "I don't like spaghetti". I say "so starve", and don't make her a plate.

My husbands comment is..."do you think we are running a restaurant"?


Somehow she eats all her spaghetti.

 

[skiny]

You always have to maintain authority. I really hate watching kids arguing with their parents or worse, yelling at them.

Once my son was having a heated argument with his mother in the basement. His friend was there and they wanted to go out. I think she wanted him to clean his room or do some sort of housework. I went downstairs to see what the yelling was about and told my son to go upstairs. I guess he was still angry because he turned and yelled at me. Then his friend said to him something like "Just go. Maybe we can go to the beach tomorrow." (I used to take them to the beach in the summer a few times a week.)

I said "He's not going to the beach tomorrow, he has a doctor's appointment." My son looks at me now all totally confused and says "For what?" I said "I don't know but any kid yelling at me in my house must have something wrong with him."

His friend started laughing at him and he kind of put his head down, said sorry and went upstairs.

His mother never seemed to learn that you'll never win fighting with a child. If they know they can make you angry they'll do it on purpose. Kids will continuously test your authority. If kids don't respect the authority of their parents, who's will they respect?

 

[just play]

You always have to maintain authority. I really hate watching kids arguing with their parents or worse, yelling at them.

Once my son was having a heated argument with his mother in the basement. His friend was there and they wanted to go out. I think she wanted him to clean his room or do some sort of housework. I went downstairs to see what the yelling was about and told my son to go upstairs. I guess he was still angry because he turned and yelled at me. Then his friend said to him something like "Just to. Maybe we can go to the beach tomorrow." (I used to take them to the beach in the summer a few times a week.)

I said "He's not going to the beach tomorrow, he has a doctor's appointment." My son looks at me now all totally confused and says "For what?" I said "I don't know but any kid yelling at me in my house must have something wrong with him."

His friend started laughing at him and he kind of put his head down, said sorry and went upstairs.

His mother never seemed to learn that you'll never win fighting with a child. If they know they can make you angry they'll do it on purpose. Kids will continuously test your authority. If kids don't respect the authority of their parents, who's will they respect?

This is the most accurate statement I ever read.

I already said before in this thread I wasn't the best mother with my oldest daughter. Me and her used to go at it like cats and dogs as she aged. (mid teens) When she was in her early teens she used to bug me and bug me about going to a dance or where ever when she was punished. I always gave in and let her go. She even told my younger daughter "if you want to do something just keep bugging mommy and she will let you go" I had to have a talk with the older one and have her tell the younger one she was only kidding about that, and she never did that, and she was just joking.

Sometimes it's not so fun having one daughter 12 years older than the other.

 

[LaurieJim]

This is the most accurate statement I ever read.

I already said before in this thread I wasn't the best mother with my oldest daughter. Me and her used to go at it like cats and dogs as she aged. (mid teens) When she was in her early teens she used to bug me and bug me about going to a dance or where ever when she was punished. I always gave in and let her go. She even told my younger daughter "if you want to do something just keep bugging mommy and she will let you go" I had to have a talk with the older one and have her tell the younger one she was only kidding about that, and she never did that, and she was just joking.

Sometimes it's not so fun having one daughter 12 years older than the other.

Kids will test you to the very end and if they have a sibling , they will play one parent against the other and are darn good at it , its as old as we are, they just have learned how to master it better.

You are a wonderful mother from just reading your posts , you care about your children and that says alot, no parent is perfect , it is always a learning adventure even when they grow up and have children themselves.

My mama always told me , Babies do not come with manuals or we would be perfect parents and they perfect kids lol .

Laurie

 

[dandan]

My younger sister was a brat to my mother. She always managed to run rings around her and also influence my even younger sister... 18 months difference between the 2. She would abuse Mum, run away... do everything possible to make all our lives a misery.
Mum worked hard as a single parent and also worked in law enforcement. Didn't make the slightest jot to my sister. In fact I think it was worse because she thought she could get away with more than other kids who didn't have a parent that worked in law.

Mum... and our Dad too (whom are good friends and is an all round good bloke) have always taught us to treat others as you'd like to be treated.

The 'brat' has now turned out an exceptional person... someone am proud to call my sister!! It just took her awhile to figure it out! Somewhere... and time all those decent values that our parents taught us sunk in!!!

Kids should have rights... but parents have rights too!