This is the end for me.

[MisterBJ]

Respin, If you think it would jeopardize her leaving, I wouldn't tell her. If it was me . I would leave out the door. Pretending like i was going to the bank. Then after a short while come back home with my shirt ripped. A few markings and tell her I got robbed. I would say I tried to fight back. But it was just too many of them. I'll give her a sob story about wanting to take her out and not being able to pay the bills. Maybe she would feel sorry for me and offer to pay them. I would also tell her that I will pay her back as soon as possible.

 

[anniemac]

MisterBJ,

Seriously? You really posted that? That is so not funny or cute.

Have you ever lived with an addict? I have and let me tell you a story like that is not beyond belief and, for someone that loves an addict, that kind of scenario runs thru his/her mind whenever their loved one is late coming home.

Whether Respin tells his fiance the truth or not is his choice and whether she stays or goes will be her choice. Lie now to save your butt, you will have to keep on lying.

Respin, I sincerely wish the best for you and if you really want to quit, you can make it happen.

 

[LaHutti]

Wow... I would be interested to know how long your relationships last ...on average. ...not really, since it's none of my business, but I'll guess 2-3 weeks ?

Respin, If you think it would jeopardize her leaving, I wouldn't tell her. If it was me . I would leave out the door. Pretending like i was going to the bank. Then after a short while come back home with my shirt ripped. A few markings and tell her I got robbed. I would say I tried to fight back. But it was just too many of them. I'll give her a sob story about wanting to take her out and not being able to pay the bills. Maybe she would feel sorry for me and offer to pay them. I would also tell her that I will pay her back as soon as possible.

 

[dunover]

No, you definitely come clean with the good lady. You will be in the doghouse, shouted at etc. but it will get better from there. The unfortunate truth is that some people have to hit rock bottom before they change, make a genuine effort to climb up. You will almost certainly have relapses. Fast forward say 2 months. You've lived frugally, not spent any unnecessary money, paid the bills and got straight. Things seem better. Now you are straight financially, next payday arrives. Not all the money is committed, so the gambler's subconscious self-justification clicks in:

"I've been 'good' for a few months, got straight, so why not treat myself? Just a small deposit, I feel good at the moment. What harm can it do, as I'm up to date with everything? Even if I lose my spare cash I'm OK this month."

THIS IS THE DANGER POINT!

Get past that each payday, and you're well on you're way. You've put distance in time between yourself and gambling. Don't get past it, and you're back to square one.

Good luck with your efforts.

 

[Marie2473]

did u talk with her?

 

[Hannetinderholt]

First i must say that i feel with you, i actually have been there, where u are, i hit rock bottom and i actually happy for it since after that i never ever gamble more than i have afford to lose. gambling is one of most dangerous form of addicting out there and have destroyed so many life's in tragedy, and what is scary part is, is that its super easy to get addicted. its really good that you have stood in front and admitted this now.

what i would do in your case now is :

1. if you are deadly broke, since your`r Scandinavian you have one place called "sosial kontoret" where you can get money for your life supply, you go there and tell them everything that have happened and show them your bank account, you then will receive enough to live to your next salary. they will cover your bill and for food. they have also emergency loan where you can loan money and pay them back in small chunks.

2. admit your problem to your fiance and give her ALL control of your bank card and account and tell her how much she and your daughter means to you and you never ever going to let this happen again, we are all humans and we screws things up sometimes. and one more thing, you have now broken your fiances trust, you now need to rebuild it for your self and for her, this only can be rebuild by time and action.

3. You are one of those who do not accept that you have lost, you gamble to you win with no matter what, till there are no money left. this mean you are a competitively person, use this availability to something positive.

4. Change your email like many other have wrote, no matter how many casino you have closed you will receive gambling emails, so make new one.

5. in few weeks, you will get tempted to try some small amounts, don't do it!, instead treat your self with something nice for every time your temptation comes, like a cinema or bake cinnamon rolls with your daughter.

6. Print what you wrote on this thread and put it in your wallet, every time you get tempted, see what you self wrote, you will get disgusted feeling about how gambling made these mess.

7. Enjoy your life, it's what you make of it.

best of wishes

Michael

Hey, mochan you´r really good at giving advice to others but maybe you should apply those advices to yourself? as a girlfrien

 

[MisterBJ]

MisterBJ,

Seriously? You really posted that? That is so not funny or cute.

Have you ever lived with an addict? I have and let me tell you a story like that is not beyond belief and, for someone that loves an addict, that kind of scenario runs thru his/her mind whenever their loved one is late coming home.

Whether Respin tells his fiance the truth or not is his choice and whether she stays or goes will be her choice. Lie now to save your butt, you will have to keep on lying.

Respin, I sincerely wish the best for you and if you really want to quit, you can make it happen.

You darn right I wouldn't tell her. If telling her may cause her to leave me with my child. Say, what you want to. But until you're in a situation of losing your family. I will do or say whatever to avoid it.

 

[chuchu59]

When I was a kid we had a lively debate on the topic 'Honesty is the best policy'. Even at a young age I learned that while no lies should be told sometimes its unavoidable. You may lose your family so if you hide something from your loved ones and then you turn over a new leaf so to speak its still ok. So if Respin does not tell his gf the whole truth but starts now to rebuild his finances to ensure a better future for her and his lovable daughter just go for it. You have a lifetime to make amends.

 

[BMWSTACK]

I have to assume that respin may have possibly had this issue in the past with the girlfriend. To be that scared that shes going to leave must mean she laid down the law before. Now if this is the situation I am kind of split in the middle of telling her or not telling her. If she had made it clear that she would definetely leave if this happened then he may need to cover it up, but obiviously being sneak and doing this could mean that the problem happens again. But then again if respin in serious about fixing this and can show her the things hes doing to change hopefully she would support him. It would be best to be honest to gain her support and kick the hapit , not to mention it would be easier on respins concious. If he had to find a way not to tell her I guess I would understand that also. Its up to respin to decide what he wants to do , and I certainly will not judge either way.

 

[Nifty29]

Hey, mochan you´r really good at giving advice to others but maybe you should apply those advices to yourself? as a girlfrien

WTH? Do you know Osloking?


@OP.

Only YOU know what is right for you.

IMO, honesty IS the best policy. If you tell your gf and present her with a solid plan to take care of things at the same time, and she loves you, you have a chance.

If you hide it, you're leaving the door open to gamble again.....after all, if you can hide this, you can hide anything. Admitting the truth to a loved one makes everything more real and helps prevent relapses.

I guarantee it will be far worse if she finds out via other means, as then you're a liar in her eyes as well as a compulsive gambler.

 

[RikkiGT-R]

WTH? Do you know Osloking?

I was thinking the same thing, because that's one of the most ridiculous and randomly off-topic posts I think I've ever seen.

As for the OP -
I've been following the thread since the start and can only reiterate what the others have been saying. I do wish you all the best in future and really hope for your beautiful little girl's sake that you do stop it now before you really do ruin everything you have. 1 month's wages is a fuck-up, but it's not the end of the world. It's probably the best thing that could ever have happened to you. 1 month wages and a total cessation, or (for example) half your wages every month, month after month... That €2000 could probably save you a fortune in the long run. Suppose you could look at it like that.
I sincerely hope your fiancée stands by you through this (when you get around to telling her - and I couldn't recommend that more strongly).

It took balls to post this thread, and I admire you for it. Now do your daughter and future wife proud.

 

[kauphy]

Uh oh...The "tone" of this post isn't good. Your getting defensive when a member is trying to help. Jasmine wasn't judging you, she was offereing her advice and told something personal about herself. (kuddos to her)

You can close every account, you can get on block lists, but an addicted gambler will always find a way to gamble again.

Everyone here has seen people say "this IS the end" then a few months, even a few years later, it's NOT the end.

Your starting to be defensive, saying what you "don't do", big big red flag for me. Sorry Respin...I did not like this post from you, your anger is with yourself, not with anyone else.

I also disagree with people from here giving you money...Respin has to get out of this on his own, he must tell his gf, it's time to buck up.

You keep saying you must solve this in 2 days, there's no other alternative...what's going to happen after 2 days would be my question?

just play its easter in two days and his little girl wants to spend time with him doing easter stuff. thats why he keeps saying in two days it must be sloved.

 

[Nate]

WTH? Do you know Osloking?

It's his Girlfriend.

Hannetinderholt - Rather speak to him in private... no need to put it out on a forum.

Nate

 

[Nifty29]

It's his Girlfriend.

Hannetinderholt - Rather speak to him in private... no need to put it out on a forum.

Nate

Really?

Totally uncool IMO.

 

[dunover]

As I said, it's easy to be resolute about any addiction when you've no cash to fund it. The real test is discipline and resolve when you do have the means to indulge. This is why I think you need your girlfriends assistance. If she's involved, to help you along the way she can have charge of all bank accounts and cash cards and take charge of paying the way out of the mess when you get paid. You get pocket money handed to you in the meantime for small and necessary items of expenditure.
Sounds belittling yes, but it will help your resolve. The longest journey starts with one small step.

 

[wobble33]

pm

hi guys

i got a pm yesterday off the op. the man was not after any money or nothing, he was just after help to sort this situation out. he was a bit worried about people doubting him on here. he was overjoyed with the help this thread has given him. i notice he has not replied on this thread, hope he is ok. i replied a personal message to him, would like an update through here or pm though to make sure he is ok.

 

[Respin_Ftw]

So i told her...

It feels better not to say anything cause this thread ended up with people think i was asking for money!

 

[RikkiGT-R]

So i told her...

It feels better not to say anything cause this thread ended up with people think i was asking for money!

The vast majority don't think that at all mate. Please tell us how it went with the Fiancée...

 

[Respin_Ftw]

She was very very pissed yes. I think she will stay pissed until things are looking brighter lol. But theres only one way now and that way is up up UP!

In the future i will take what i have been using for gambling and put it in a savings account instead.

The only gaming i will be doing in the future is coming from my PS3!

 

[Jasminebed]

I am very glad you came clean with your fiancee, and that things are looking up.

You have taken very big and important steps on you way to success. I strongly encourage you to join a group, either real world or online, for gambling addicts. This will help prevent a relapse after the immediate financial crisis is past. There are groups for partners too.

Despite your recent losses, you are a very lucky man. I wish you and your family a happy and bright future.

 

[Mousey]

All our best to you and your family Respin.

Mind if I suggest we move this thread (and you, too perhaps?) to the Quit Gambling section?

 

[RikkiGT-R]

I'm pleased you told her, and I'm very happy for you that it seems she's gonna stand by you through this.
I don't think it's a mistake you're likely to make again in future, not when you've went so low and (honestly) could've lost everything.

Again, I commend you for starting this thread, for admitting to your problem and having the guts to come clean to your woman. Onwards and upwards from here

 

[dunover]

As a gesture of your determination and sincerity, did you hand over control of finances to your girlfriend? This may be humiliating, but it's easy to bear when you feel at rock bottom. Plus it gives her some involvement and a sense of helping you, as at the moment she probably feels confused and isolated. Remember partners suffer as much as you do, just less the guilt.

 

[Nifty29]

So i told her...

It feels better not to say anything cause this thread ended up with people think i was asking for money!

Respin.

You just grew a foot in stature in my eyes.

It takes balls to 'fess up, and I'm really glad that you did. It was the only way you and your gf were going to have a real chance at a future together, as I almost guarantee that you would have gambled again if you had kept secrets.

Imo you should hand over complete control over your finances to your partner as a temporary measure. It will mean that all bills will be paid and you'll have money to live, it will also prevent you relapsing, and clear that "haze" that hangs over your mind when you are in the grip of an addiction and allow you to think more clearly. It will also help your partner to come to terms with your illness, and help her to begin rebuilding trust. It doesn't have to be forever.....just a few months to allow the "stinking thinking" to cease and the more important things in your life, like your gorgeous little girl, to take the highest priority.

Your next step is to email Max and ask to be placed in the Quit Gambling Group here at CM.We can all be here to support you that way, but the temptation stemming from constant discussion of casinos and screenies doesn't exist. I would place an extremely high priority to this step.

Keep up the good work.

 

[Respin_Ftw]

As a gesture of your determination and sincerity, did you hand over control of finances to your girlfriend? This may be humiliating, but it's easy to bear when you feel at rock bottom. Plus it gives her some involvement and a sense of helping you, as at the moment she probably feels confused and isolated. Remember partners suffer as much as you do, just less the guilt.

And Nifty; She´s been handling the money for as long as i can remember. Its was just that this time they were gone before i made the monthly transaction. So that wont be a problem really

I just will hand over my bank login thingy to her. I dont really mind that she handles the economy, its just good.