The Wild Bunch!

johnsteed

Dormant Account
Joined
Apr 24, 2005
Location
N/A
***



Hello fellow forum members! :)


I thought that I would take a look around the online gaming world, and go to those sites I wouldn't normally dare go to. Let's journey together through a varied assortment of the greatest "questionable" names and software providers within this unpredictable industry.


Let's start off with the All-Time classic at #1...



1)
"Luck 'N Roll Casino"​


I'm half-sold on their whole theme, the instant I see that jukebox floating in space (debris from a broken junk-pod perhaps).


Not being absolutely 100% comfortable with this casino, not even 1% for that matter, I thought to do a little background check on these guys. You can never be too safe as to who's watching who in this whole online gaming fiasco. Rest assured folks, the good people over at PCG (Popular Casino Group) have your backs.


These are various excerpts taken from their site...


"PCG currently owns, operates and promotes three successful casino brands powered by Casinova Software Ltd." I guess that we can all look at it this way. In a classroom of 30 students, the student who scores the worst on most tests, is generally considered to be the worst student (of the 30). To look at it another way, that student is also in 1st place, or rather, the best at being the worst. This trifecta of operations are the last three hounds in the race, therefore finishing 1st, 2nd, and 3rd!!! Sweet. :thumbsup:


"PCG provides marketing and support for the thriving online casino brands; Slots Alley Casino, Casino On Liner and Luck N' Roll Casino. All three brands continue to be voted Top 10 Most Honest Online Casino and Top 20 Best Online Casino by one of the most respected independent online gaming portals!" I guess my tastes in great casinos are too mainstream. I guess I could spice-my life a bit more, and start focusing my attention on some of these other "respected independent online gaming portals". I'm going noir tomorrow, and I'm going to stop being so predictable.


"Our casinos serve players best by providing excellent customer service, speedy payouts to our winners, and a truly fair and secure gaming environment. Doing it right rates results, and we're proud of our reputation and the loyalty of players that choose to return month after month, and year after year." I'm sooooo out of the loop. All of you Casinomeister.com members who've been going to these operations for all of these years, shame on you for not letting the ignorant ones in on the best kept secret in the industry. All those years wasted. :rolleyes:


Not quite sold on "Lucknroll Casino", they use "Virtual Exchange"; a total electronic payment management company for Internet gaming operators.


"Virtual Exchange constantly monitors for fraud in order to prevent the associated costs with fraud, and to minimize charge-backs. Virtual Exchange employs a zero tolerance policy for fraud. All fraudulent activity will be reported for criminal prosecution." Whew! Well that's reassuring! Glad to know that the PLAYERS aren't getting away with FRAUD!


Side Note: All casinos offer FREE DOWNLOAD. When was download an online casino NEVER free? Thank you online casinos for allowing the player to download your software for free. If not, we'd be forced into getting it off of eDonkey or somewhere... That'll be the day when the player wonders why he wasn't credited with his/her initial deposit match bonus, only to get the answer, "Sorry, we already gave you a FREE download with your purchase."


2)
"Jeux de César"



Wow, the name just jumps-out-aT-me!

The first schema that whipped through all 10% of my brain cells (that are currently being used), is that it pits the player in the lion's den. But wait, we shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. Let's investigate a bit further.


Side Note: I'm happy to have finally used "é" (l'accent egu) in my writing. Moving on...


Let's take a look at one of their wonderful loyalty program.


On voit triple le mercredi
Tous les mercredis, vous triplerez vos points G-FED sur l'ensemble de nos machines à sous ; pour tous les autres jeux du casino, nous doublerons vos points G-FED. Le mercredi, le barème des points G-FED est le suivant :

10 € misés aux machines à sous = 3 points G-FED gagnés
20 € misés aux jeux de tables et au keno = 2 points G-FED gagnés
Vous recevrez également une prime de 25 % sur chaque dépôt


Zut alors! C'est bon! Those kinds of returns are unheard of. Why is G-FED being so generous? Are they taking dead aim at Microgaming? I've got to do some serious rescheduling to do. Wednesday's are to only be spent playing at Jeux de César. Merci G-FED, je t'aime... :p



3)
"Vegas MVP Casino"


For the longest time, I had been wondering who was the MVP of Las Vegas. I know the MLB, NBA, NFL, and even the NHL MVP, but I didn't know of any such award for whatever Vegas casino. And what a darn shame. That is until I did a Google here and an MSN search there, I most certainly got my answer.


Here's a glance at their MVP'esque initial deposit offer that's currently nesting on their site.


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That's super! All I have to do is contact their "MVP" customer service team - only after I make my initial deposit bonus - and they can FedEX the keys to that trustworthy time-machine that they must have invented with all of that loot that they're collecting at an MVP-pace.


No problem, I can contact them via... "Support Form" That's what I need, so I don't have to bother wasting precious time having to log-into my Hotmail account just to send them a message with a question. Here's an excerpt from their site...


At Vegas MVP Casino we pride ourselves on our ability to ensure our members receive immediate and professional support. To successfully and efficiently service our players, we ask that you please refer to our FAQ section below before you contact our Customer Service department. There is a good chance that you will find the answers to your questions.

Our customer service team is knowledgeable and efficient and available to you 24-hours a day, 7 days a week. You can e-mail us with details of your question or problem any time. All inquiries are replied to within 24hrs, usually much shorter.

To contact us, fill out the form below:
Remember to check the FAQ section first to save time!


I'm slightly confused by that closing statement. :confused: If they have invented a time-machine as I've been suspecting, why bother saving time? We have all the time in the world!! I'll just press the reset button and go back to when I was a baby.


The part about replying within a 24hr time frame is excellent, keeping up with their pride. It reminds of the local rooster that crows once-a-day, instinctively always answering the call. Rock-steady performer, but I'm guessing not up to your MVP-levels.


Here's How It Works:
For every $10 that you wager at the Casino, you will earn 1 (one) MVP CLUB Point. For every 100 MVP CLUB Points that you earn you will receive a $1 credit to your "Real Money" account.
Example: Place a $100 wager on Blackjack and receive 10 MVP CLUB Points. Do this 10 times (win or lose) and you will earn 100 MVP CLUB Points. These 100 points automatically convert to a FREE $1 real money credit.


Wait a minute! You're telling me that if I play through $1,000,000,000 worth of credit (win or lose), I'll be a millionaire? ... :what: ... :eek2: ... :D It's sooooo easy. Give me the MVP special please... to go!


Unrealistic-dream-scenario: I'd love to see a Forbes 100 celebrity make a billion dollar deposit at this casino, asking them to up their maximum BJ bet to $1,000,000,000 per hand. Imagine the player scoring a BJ on the only hand. "That'll be $2.5 billion, and 1 million in MVP comps please". Replies the Vegas MVP customer support manager, "We can't pay all of it at once Mr. Gates, but we'll make good on our word that you'll get $1,000 a week EACH and every week... promise... over the next 83,333 years."



4)
"Planet Rock Casino"



"Our software was described by Forbes magazine as the "Microsoft of the casino industry" & was featured on ESPN, Playboy & Nightline."


This is what they're talking about.


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I don't know who penned that line, and I don't really care to know this person... but the sentence would make MUCH more sense if it read like so...


"Our software was desribed by "S.I. for Kids" that any animal with a visual system (or not) can quickly see (or not) that our software is the equivalent of what "Visi On" (VisiCorp) is to Microsoft. We're also featured in "Swank" and in "Cracked" Magazines.


"When playing for real, Planet Rock Casino welcomes all major credit cards, Pay Pal, Neteller, wire transfers and checks."


Of course you would!


"Online gambling has revolutionized the gaming industry as well as the internet. Now one has the ability and choice of gambling on real casino games from the comfort of their own home."


Really? From the comfort of our own homes! Can you update that quote because people have been playing online since '96, which is ten years ago. Things which happened in '96 that should give us a sense that a lot has happened since then were:

- Bill Clinton was reelected for a second term as President of the USA

- Life on Mars questions was answered with the discovery of primitive bacteria

- "The English Patient" won the "Best Film" Oscar

- "BritPop" was at it's height

- "3rd Rock From The Sun" began


Most of those things are considered ancient by now. Get with the times!


5)
"Diamond"
Games​
.


I stumbled across this stuff over at "Black Dog Casino", which surprisingly has been around for years. Esoteric of the esoteric.


I really don't know squat about this software provider, but this is... different. Good or bad, I'll never know because I wouldn't even convert my NeTeller giveaway points, if they would allow such a thing, to which they don't (but even if they did).


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A sorta', kinda', interesting game...​


I wonder, has any out there EVER played this game? Anyone? Anyone?



6)
Casino OnAir


"Welcome to Casino OnAir, the ultimate gaming experience!!!"


This is what equates to the ultimate gaming experience...


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Mission: "Ultimate Gaming Experience!!!"

Failure! Repeat... Failure! Countdown for self-destruction T-minus-10 seconds...


Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but...


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... is that Owen Wilson I see. Maybe it isn't him, but it sure looks like him. It must be the unknown 4th member of the Wilson BROS!


"Our clients are our greatest assets."


Uh... yeah... :cool:


"Casino OnAir is one of the fastest loading online casinos on the Web, requiring No Download or downtime. The games load in seconds, you can log on and play immediately from anywhere in the world!"


Really? So if I were an American citizen who was caught gambling online, could I play in the comforts on my very jail cell? Can you back up your claims?


Great Idea!: "Casino InJail" is the fastest loading and only online casino available to prisoners. By 2012, we're hoping that there will be a bill passed which will allow prisoners the right to play even when they're doing time in the 'hole'.


***


A few years ago, a wrote down a long list of online casinos that were up-and-running at the time ('01). While surprisingly most of them are still around, a few have either folded, or are around but have fallen off the map (at least for those of us who hang-around the Casinomeister.com realm).


Here's some of those casinos. If you know any of them, I'd love to hear where they are, why they folded, if you ever deposited there, ect. Here they are:


- Egyptian Casino

- Galactica Casino (still up, but running?)

- Olympic Casino

- Double Deuce Casino

- Tiffany's Casino

- 1-on-1 casino 365

- Home Casino(now BELLEROCK, but what happened?)

- Place My Bet Casino

- Orbital Online Casino

- Caribbean Gold Casino

- Imperial Casino

- Casino Of The Kings

- Dream Weaver Casino

- Gamble Girls Casino
- Oriental Gamble Casino

- 3 Diamonds Casino

- Magic Oasis Online Casino

- Blues Club Casino

- Vacation Casino

- Jamaica Bay Casino

- Welcome To Our Casino

- 5thAveCasino.com

- Atrium Casino

- Big Flash Casino

- Zap Casino

- Star Bright Casino

- Palm Tree Casino

- Alibaba Casino



Again, I'd love to hear some feedback on any of these defunct (or not) casinos, whether you deposited there at one point in time, anything.


Thank you for your time. :)


Steed

***
 
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Simmo!

Paleo Meister (means really, really old)
Joined
May 29, 2004
Location
England
Very good Steed - and the time machine sounds awesome :D

"Home Casino" has been decomissioned (along with Showdown & Aces High) by Bellerock incidentally.

Cheers

Simmo!
 

silkprint

Dormant account
Joined
Jun 10, 2003
Location
Mass
Great thread Steed .
I have actually played Luck n Roll in the past as they had a huge player deposit bonus . Haven't in over a year though because they didn't have a very good slot selection .
 

johnsteed

Dormant Account
Joined
Apr 24, 2005
Location
N/A
***


silkprint

I have actually played Luck n Roll in the past as they had a huge player deposit bonus.


Out of curiosity "silkprint", had you ever made a successful withdrawal while you were with them?


Simmo!

...and the time machine sounds awesome


Hahaha, I guess I should made it more clear that "Vegas MVP Casino" forgot to update that clip that I posted. The date on the match bonus offer goes up to 2005/June (I believe). How hard is it to update their very own site's bonus offer? Geez... :rolleyes:


"Home Casino" has been decomissioned (along with Showdown & Aces High) by Bellerock incidentally.

You can include my once favorite MG "Capital Casino" to that list. It's kind of neat though, how they have the main pages for the defunct sites appear in the top-lefthand-corners like so...

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Also here...

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They're just ghosts now. Adios!


Steed

***
 

SlotsWizard

Dormant account
Joined
May 11, 2006
Location
North of Antarctica
"Vegas MVP Casino"

Here's a glance at their MVP'esque initial deposit offer that's currently nesting on their site.

...

That's super! All I have to do is contact their "MVP" customer service team - only after I make my initial deposit bonus - and they can FedEX the keys to that trustworthy time-machine that they must have invented with all of that loot that they're collecting at an MVP-pace.
Wow, looks like I'll need to act FAST if I want to take them up on this offer! After all, June 21st, 2005 only comes around once... or does it?

I'd love to see a Forbes 100 celebrity make a billion dollar deposit at this casino, asking them to up their maximum BJ bet to $1,000,000,000 per hand. Imagine the player scoring a BJ on the only hand. "That'll be $2.5 billion, and 1 million in MVP comps please". Replies the Vegas MVP customer support manager, "We can't pay all of it at once Mr. Gates, but we'll make good on our word that you'll get $1,000 a week EACH and every week... promise... over the next 83,333 years."
But remember, the weekly payment would be reduced from $1,000 to $500 per week for inactive accounts.
 

GrandMaster

Dormant account
Joined
Jan 21, 2004
Location
UK
A few years ago, a wrote down a long list of online casinos that were up-and-running at the time ('01). While surprisingly most of them are still around, a few have either folded, or are around but have fallen off the map (at least for those of us who hang-around the Casinomeister.com realm).


Here's some of those casinos. If you know any of them, I'd love to hear where they are, why they folded, if you ever deposited there, ect.

1on1casino (I've never heard on 1on1casino 365) and 3diamonds were absorbed into Omnicasino.

Orbital still exists, it's even ecogra certified, but there does not appear to be a way to download the software. :confused:

Caribbean Gold is still around.

Jamaica Bay now redirects to Pharaoh's Casino.

Big Flash still exists as part of All Jackpots, the website was full of wonderful stories suffering from cancer, depression, obesity and anorexia, but magically cured by playing at a flash casino.
 
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suzecat

Dormant account
Joined
Sep 18, 2004
Location
California
I would love to feedback on the list but find I am still staggering at the idea of a 30% bonus:eek:

Nice job Steed! Welcome to the "tongue in cheek" club!
 

chuchu59

gambling addict
PABnonaccred
CAG
PABinit
Joined
Sep 26, 2004
Location
SOMEWHERE IN ASIA
Magic Oasis was (RTG) was owned by Tony Friedman. Were they also taken over by the King Solomon's group?

Casino-on-air looks to be a newer version of the software used by 1cnp.com. I wonder if they are related.
 

spearmaster

RIP Ted
Joined
Jan 12, 2001
Location
Heaven
Leave it to Steed... (Sorry Beaver) - LOL.

Another great thread. Can't say I miss any of the "featured" casinos since I would never have tried them in the first place - though some of the ones in the list at the end I did (like Home, Caribbean Gold, Orbital and Big Flash - all were Microgaming at one time).
 

paul02085

Dormant account
Joined
Jan 29, 2002
Location
USA
Welcome to our Casino is now Shark Casino.
Casino on Air was determined to cheat (by the Wizard of Odds)at blackjack along with Casino Bar.
 

jetset

RIP Brian
Joined
Feb 22, 2001
Location
Earth
QUOTE: Orbital still exists, it's even ecogra certified, but there does not appear to be a way to download the software. UNQUOTE

Here's the latest on this from the Ops Director at Carmen Media which owns Orbital:

"Orbital does still exist, and if you have an account you can still play at the casino, however we do not allow any new downloads and accounts with this brand, rather referring any potential players to River Belle. The reason we do this is because the Orbital casino software is not updated with the latest new games and features."
 

johnsteed

Dormant Account
Joined
Apr 24, 2005
Location
N/A
Wall Street (1987): revised

***

Thank you all for your kind words, and most certainly for your feedback. :)


***



Although I would not classify the next casino as being "WILD" - they are accredited and that certainly counts for a lot - I was a bit stunned by this casino's no deposit/sign-up bonus. Ladies & gentlemen, in case you didn't have your ear-to-the-ground, "Purple Lounge" is literally throwing easy money at the player.



GEKKO
(laughs)​
Not bad for a quant, but a dog with​
different fleas.​
(checks his hi-tech watch)​
Come on, tell me something I don't​
know. It's my birthday, pal,​
surprise me...​



When I got word-of-mouth on this one, I had to investigate a bit further. So, this is what I found, and this is what I'll show you.


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GEKKO
The public is out there throwing​
darts at a board, Steed. I don't​
throw darts at a board. I only bet​
sure things. Read Sun Tzu's "The​
Art of War." 'every battle is won​
before it is ever fought.' Think​
about it.​



That's 3 bucks... That's like... 3 times more than what Boss Media GIANT "Sunset Casino" has been throwing at their new and content customers! And if you're devoid of any mathematical skill, that's a cool $1. Let's stay on track though... another bonus... another time. Life is sooooo easy, i'nit? Okay, before we get too ahead of ourselves, let's dig a little deeper to find out that this deal is for real. I mean, c'mon, $3 FREE without any deposit, just on a sign-up which takes just minutes to do?



Hi,

It's Tara here. It's my pleasure to welcome you to The Lounge, THE place to play poker and casino on the web.

Open a Purple Lounge account today and I'll give you $3 absolutely free. And that's not all! I'll also give you an incredible 100% of your first deposit back, up to a massive $1000 on Poker or $300 on Casino.

Join Purple Lounge and let me take care of you....




Hi Tara! :)


Let me just say... :thumbsup: :notworthy $3 absolutely FREE, no catches, this is unreal. I'm joinin', and I'll let YOU take care of ME. This is a great deal all around. Other casinos out there, that's "Purple Lounge" that just zipped ahead of you to the #1 slot of All-Time great online casino operations. Take note, you've met the new standard, now learn and copy the right way to attract and keep new customers.


Okay, I know that it's a great deal, I need to catch my breath here... give me a moment... I just have to dot the I's and cross the T's, pure formality at this point. Here's the terms & conditions:



$3 Promotion Rules Simply register an account at Purple Lounge and and make a deposit and we'll credit you $3 into your Purple Lounge account.

Here’s how it works: Once you've registered an account at Purple Lounge and have activated your account, we will credit your account with $3 upon a successful deposit made into your account which you can use to play poker on the real money tables, or use in our fantastic casino!

TERMS AND CONDITIONS You are only allowed to hold one account with Purple Lounge. In the unlikely event that you need to set up a new account with Purple Lounge and have previously been credited with $3 on an older account you will not be eligible to participate in the bonus scheme on the new or any subsequent accounts.

All Purple Lounge general terms and conditions apply for all our promotions and bonuses. By playing at Purple Lounge each player is deemed to have read and accepted these terms and conditions in full

Participation in the $3 bonus is subject to verification of account details.

The $3 bonus cannot be withdrawn from your Purple Lounge account until it has been played through.

Purple Lounge reserves the right to disqualify any player who abuses the bonus conditions. In such cases the player may not be entered in future bonuses or promotions and may lose their ability to play at the site.

Purple Lounge reserves the right to exclude players from the $3 bonus promotion in accordance with the Purple Lounge standard Terms and Conditions

Please note players that are from the following countries are exempt and restricted from participating in this promotion: China, and Turkey




Oh, okay, I get it. :) So it's a FREE $3 no-deposit sign-up bonus with no strings attached, after you deposit some funds into your new Purple Lounge account, wherein you'll then get the FREE $3 no-deposit sign-up bonus with no strings attached. My Lord, this is it. If I'm reading this right, that means not only do I get the opportunity to get into the casino's VAULT thanks to their $3 no-deposit sign-up bonus with no strings attached, I'll also have more ammo-in-the-barrel, more fuel-in-the-tank, and that many more advantages to win from this operation which is a Godsend to the rest of us.



A few passing thoughts on this one...

a) "chuchu59" and "morose" are going to have to sit THE BIG ONE out. Tough, tough break. :(


b) Please, please, please bonus hounds, don't "abuse" this Golden Egg for the rest of us (as stated in their T&C). Don't "shake-the-shit" out of this one. Don't kill the goose.


c) Can this operation stay afloat?


d) Do they offer FREE download... yup! (check)


e) It doesn't state how many times the bonus has to be played through, which is super, because now I don't have to bother keeping tabs while the iron's hot.


f) I'm going to light-this-casino-up!


g) Why can't people from Turkey or China play? What's the reasoning behind that one?


Bonus hawks have been waiting for this since online gambling first came about 10-years ago. This is the paralyzed prey that they've been waiting to sink their beaks into.


GEKKO
(smiles, looks at Purple Lounge's offer)​
Steed, I look at a hundred ideas​
a day. I choose one.​


Gekko glances at it. As Steed leaves, he overhears...

GEKKO
(off)​
OK gang, looks like we're going​
over 5% in Teldar, start the​
lawyers on a tender offer and 13D,​
we keep going after everything in​
sight but don't pay over $22.​
They're gonna fight, they got Myers​
and Thromberg doing their legal,​
they make Nazis look like nice guys...​
And oh yeah, sign-me-up for one of​
those $3 no-deposit bonuses over at​
"Purple Lounge". That'll be our​
bread-'n-butter from here on out...​



One week later at the "21 CLUB". Int. - Day


GEKKO
Try the steak tartare. It's off the​
menu but Louis'll make it for you...​

STEED

I'm fine thank you.​


GEKKO
Cover the Bluestar buy and put a​
couple hundred thou in one of those​
bow-wow casinos you mentioned... BoDog is it?​
Pick the dog with the least fleas. Use a​
stop loss so your downside is​
50,000 on Ronin, and you can't possibly​
buy a more decent suit. Did you buy that​
at Morty Sills?​


STEED
I think I will have the steak tartare if​
you don't mind.​



Cut... ;)




Steed

***
 
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Macgyver

Dormant account
PABnononaccred
Joined
Feb 3, 2004
Location
North Carolina
Although I would not classify the next casino as being "WILD" - they are accredited and that certainly counts for a lot - I was a bit stunned by this casino's no deposit/sign-up bonus. Ladies & gentlemen, in case you didn't have your ear-to-the-ground, "Purple Lounge" is literally throwing easy money at the player.

Please note players that are from the following countries are exempt and restricted from participating in this promotion: China, and Turkey[/I][/COLOR][/SIZE]

But they no longer accept U.S. players, Mr. Steed, so even I can't get in on this oh-so-wonderful offer. :p

A few passing thoughts on this one...

b) Please, please, please bonus hounds, don't "abuse" this Golden Egg for the rest of us (as stated in their T&C). Don't "shake-the-shit" out of this one. Don't kill the goose. (bold added by Macgyver)

Owww, owww, owww ... can someone reach that dagger that's sticking out of the middle of my back for me? :D
 

tencardcharlie

Dormant account
Joined
Jul 18, 2005
Location
The playboy mansion.
b) Please, please, please bonus hounds, don't "abuse" this Golden Egg for the rest of us (as stated in their T&C). Don't "shake-the-shit" out of this one. Don't kill the goose.

:lolup:

This applies to the FREE download as well. Remember, do not attemt to abuse the FREE software download, or the rest of us will suffer. Only one FREE download per household please.
 

chuchu59

gambling addict
PABnonaccred
CAG
PABinit
Joined
Sep 26, 2004
Location
SOMEWHERE IN ASIA
Hah! You are wrong Steed. I got my BIG $3 several months ago and played poker. I enjoyed every second of it considering I busted within 2 minutes of playing. What they should have been promoting is the new player freeroll which I was invited to but finished one short of a winning position.
 

pacers31

Banned Used - Repetitive violations of <a href="ht
Joined
Jan 19, 2006
Location
Californication
:lolup: :lolup: :lolup: Hey Steed, can I get the keys to that time machine?? I want to go back to before I placed my first wager ever and go buy a car or something instead!!!
 

johnsteed

Dormant Account
Joined
Apr 24, 2005
Location
N/A
***

GrandMaster

Big Flash still exists as part of All Jackpots, the website was full of wonderful stories suffering from cancer, depression, obesity and anorexia, but magically cured by playing at a flash casino.


Funny enough, this news spreads fast. I had my check-up at the local doctor, and he told me to make 2 deposits at "Wild Jack" and another one over at "AllSlots". I was caught off guard at first, but you know what, the migraines are all gone, my lower back feels brand-spanking new, and even the hemangioma that's been nesting on the top of my right shoulder since birth has amazingly disappeared! :)


Thanks again Dr. Kim & Jackpot Factory!!! :notworthy :thumbsup:


Steed

***
 
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johnsteed

Dormant Account
Joined
Apr 24, 2005
Location
N/A
***


I was going through the no-deposit section over at "BonusRating.com", where I noticed "Joyland Casino" was offering a "FREE" no-deposit bonus.


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While they were once offering $10 (up until recently), I noticed that they were now going MUCH higher at $30! AWESOME! :notworthy


Having signed-up last Friday, and after talking with one of their "trusty" customer support reps., I was told that the bonus would be credited to my account with 24-48 hours time. :thumbsup:


After gutting-it-out, dreaming of the endless possibilities of where I was going to take that $30 - namely to the cleaners - I noticed that 72-hours had passed and not-a-word about the bonus. I checked my account... nada. So, chatting-it-up with the very fellow that told me it would be credited to my account in such-a-such-a-time, he then informed me that I would receive the bonus once I made a deposit. Sweet! :cool: So it's another one of those no-deposit bonuses that you get for absolutely "FREE", but... you just gotta' make a li'l deposit. No biggie. I thought I'd take a look at the terms & conditions of that very "no-deposit bonus".


I then went on a joyride where I ended-up in "Bonusland" : where dreams can and do come true.


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I took-the-time to highlight key points in "pink". This is a wonderful once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that one MUST seize. What's so wonderful about the "no-deposit bonus" that will be credited to your account provided that you give them all of your necessary "personal" information - via VISA/MASTERCARD/ect. - is that you ONLY have to deposit a meager additional €/£/$50 (at least) in order to verify your date-of-birth that somehow isn't provided in the "personal" information details (VISA/MASTERCARD/ect.) that you provided before in order to get the "free no-deposit bonus" in the first place.



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Another great detail that you'll find upon further investigating (FUN), is that should you make that 1st deposit bonus that they encourage you to do (teaching us all how to walk for the first time), you'll come to this other T&C, which states "Unless otherwise stated, this offer may not be combined with any other bonuses offered by Joyland Casino." Okay, but it's not 100% clear in the first part of your T&C's concerning the "no-deposit bonus", that it's 100% okay to combine that bonus with the other one. We'll just assume that it's okay... but... hmmm, yeah, I'm sure it's okay! :p


So, if I'm combining the first "no-deposit bonus" with the 1st deposit bonus that they'll likely add to my account once I make that 1st deposit that I MUST make in order to claim that "no-deposit bonus", the play-through will go from 99 times (no problem), times another 8. So, that's only 792 play-through requirement. :notworthy


[($30 + $50) x 99] x 8

= $63,360​


My numbers could be off, because I can be interpreting this any number of ways. Heck, it may even require a play-through of...


[$30 x 99] x [$50 x 8]

= $1,188,000​


Perhaps I'm being unfair on this one. It could be this...

[($30 x 99) + $50] x 8

= $24,160​


I guess it all depends on how you look at it. Either way, that's plenty of play-through, which translates to lots of game-play!!! :thumbsup: :notworthy Not bad for a "no-deposit bonus" of a not-too-shabby $30.


Another wonderful point in the T&C, is that "This offer is valid for first time depositors at the casino." How can someone claim the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th deposits as part of the "FREE 4-Part Welcome Bonus" if they can only be depositing for the first time?!


***


NeTeller Divided

Scene 4/Act 1



CS: Hello, this is "David" over at NeTeller. How can I help you?

JS: Uh, yeah. I need you to help me make one deposit of $800, but I need you to somehow break that up into 4 $200 shares.

CS: Come again?

JS: I know this sounds strange, but I need...

CS: Sir, perhaps you should call our 24 hour customer service.

JS: I've been waiting for about an hour now, for someone to pick-up.

JS: I just need you to send 1 deposit over to "Joyland", but break-it-down into 4 with somehow NOT separating the money.

CS: Sir, that makes no sense.

JS: I'm just trying to adhere to their rules as best as I can.

CS: Sir, if you'd like you can certainly make 4 separate payments of $200. That could work?

JS: No, it must be one deposit, but once it's in the system, it'll have to divide itself into 4 parts.

CS: That's not possible sir.

JS: Make it happen dammit!!!


***



I also find this a tad interesting, where it states "Deposits of a minimum 20 $/€/£ and up qualify for this bonus." That's great, so why must one make a deposit of at least 50 $/€/£ in order to qualify for the "FREE no-deposit bonus"? A 20 $/€/£ (only) deposit somehow leaves out the part about your age?


Still plenty of joy left in this piece.



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Sure, fine, "chuchu59" gets left out in the cold again...



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Suddenly, what the hell happened to the people from Antigua and Barbuda, Cyprus, Estonia, Indonesia, Israel, Pakistan, Philippines and Thailand? :confused:



Thank you "Joyland", for already providing more ups-n-downs than a roller-coaster. It's all good... ahem... pure "joy"! :)


Steed

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