I figure it's time I bitched about something other than gambling...
Anyone who has been in a car with me while I’m driving has found out very quickly that everyone not in the car with me ticks me off. Now this doesn’t make me special, this is true for most motorists but I am a lot more specific than most about my reasons. I’ve decided to write them down so you can all read it and understand why I’m cursing you as I drive by.
Lets start with parking. Contrary to popular belief, hazard lights are not permits to park where ever the hell you please. That’s why the button says “Hazard” or shows a red triangle. There is no button on the dashboard that says “Illegally park.” And just to teach people the importance of not parking in a fire route, when you see cars parked there, light them on fire.
Stop signs: First of all, there is no such thing as a "rolling stop"... either you stop or you don't And there seems to be some confusion when several cars are stopped at an intersection as to when exactly you are supposed to go. I'll give you a hint. It's not exactly the same time I do. And doing that four times in a row isn't funny. Also, when the car in front of you moves through the intersection it doesn't mean you can follow him. Unless you are riding in his trailer. When I see you doing this I immediately think you are driving the idiot float in a traffic parade. Smile and wave.
Road conditions: Snow is slippery. It doesn't take a genius to realize that if you have to hold on to your car to keep from falling on your ass, you shouldn't drive away doing 60 mph. And when you do start to slide slamming on your brakes will not stop you. Making your wheels stop won't stop your car. That's why they call it sliding.
Accidents: Have you ever wondered why traffic is backed up for 30 miles when there is an accident on the other side of a divided highway? Because you and everyone else that passes it has to know how many cars, how many people, how many tow trucks. Don't be so damn nosey. Keep your eyes forward and drive. Don't look back.
Children: The way I see it they have two choices while riding in a car. Behave or be sedated. The last thing I need is for you to be passing me and get a Barbie Beach Cruiser in the back of the head.
Plain stupidity: I used to complain about women putting on make up while they drove. But then I followed a driver for 20 minutes up a busy street while he shaved. My first thought was that he must be running late but then I thought the only way that could be true is if there were a dire need for idiots somewhere. I also drove beside a man for several minutes before I realized he was reading a newspaper propped against the steering wheel. Apparently the car was on auto-pilot but I didn't stick around to see how well it sensed the next set of brake lights in front of it.
Now for anyone who didn’t quite understand the terms in the driver’s hand book I’d like to clarify a few things. One term that is used often is “when it’s safe to do so.” The fact that I am able to slam on my brakes when you pull out into traffic and narrowly avoid t-boning you does not fall into the category of “when it’s safe to do so.”
This also includes lane changes. There’s a little area toward the rear of your car and off to the side a little bit that you cannot see using your mirrors. (Assuming you use your mirrors.) It’s call the “blind spot.” It’s called that because you can’t see it unless you do a “shoulder check.” Now contrary to popular belief the “shoulder check” does not mean you look at your shoulder and then jerk the wheel to the left. This method of lane changing falls outside of that term we used earlier called “when it’s safe to do so.” You should be able to safely assume you know where your shoulder is. The problem is you have no idea where I am. At least not until you see that cloud of dust behind you as I’m veering off onto the dirt shoulder to avoid a collision.
There is another term called the “2 second rule.” This does not mean you have to change lanes every 2 seconds. What it means is no matter how fast we are going you should always be at least 2 seconds behind me. If the Ministry of Transportation felt that you should be almost touching me they would have called it the “2 inch rule.” They didn’t. Back off.
Now I don’t claim to be a perfect driver but lets at least try to show a little common sense ok people?
Anyone who has been in a car with me while I’m driving has found out very quickly that everyone not in the car with me ticks me off. Now this doesn’t make me special, this is true for most motorists but I am a lot more specific than most about my reasons. I’ve decided to write them down so you can all read it and understand why I’m cursing you as I drive by.
Lets start with parking. Contrary to popular belief, hazard lights are not permits to park where ever the hell you please. That’s why the button says “Hazard” or shows a red triangle. There is no button on the dashboard that says “Illegally park.” And just to teach people the importance of not parking in a fire route, when you see cars parked there, light them on fire.
Stop signs: First of all, there is no such thing as a "rolling stop"... either you stop or you don't And there seems to be some confusion when several cars are stopped at an intersection as to when exactly you are supposed to go. I'll give you a hint. It's not exactly the same time I do. And doing that four times in a row isn't funny. Also, when the car in front of you moves through the intersection it doesn't mean you can follow him. Unless you are riding in his trailer. When I see you doing this I immediately think you are driving the idiot float in a traffic parade. Smile and wave.
Road conditions: Snow is slippery. It doesn't take a genius to realize that if you have to hold on to your car to keep from falling on your ass, you shouldn't drive away doing 60 mph. And when you do start to slide slamming on your brakes will not stop you. Making your wheels stop won't stop your car. That's why they call it sliding.
Accidents: Have you ever wondered why traffic is backed up for 30 miles when there is an accident on the other side of a divided highway? Because you and everyone else that passes it has to know how many cars, how many people, how many tow trucks. Don't be so damn nosey. Keep your eyes forward and drive. Don't look back.
Children: The way I see it they have two choices while riding in a car. Behave or be sedated. The last thing I need is for you to be passing me and get a Barbie Beach Cruiser in the back of the head.
Plain stupidity: I used to complain about women putting on make up while they drove. But then I followed a driver for 20 minutes up a busy street while he shaved. My first thought was that he must be running late but then I thought the only way that could be true is if there were a dire need for idiots somewhere. I also drove beside a man for several minutes before I realized he was reading a newspaper propped against the steering wheel. Apparently the car was on auto-pilot but I didn't stick around to see how well it sensed the next set of brake lights in front of it.
Now for anyone who didn’t quite understand the terms in the driver’s hand book I’d like to clarify a few things. One term that is used often is “when it’s safe to do so.” The fact that I am able to slam on my brakes when you pull out into traffic and narrowly avoid t-boning you does not fall into the category of “when it’s safe to do so.”
This also includes lane changes. There’s a little area toward the rear of your car and off to the side a little bit that you cannot see using your mirrors. (Assuming you use your mirrors.) It’s call the “blind spot.” It’s called that because you can’t see it unless you do a “shoulder check.” Now contrary to popular belief the “shoulder check” does not mean you look at your shoulder and then jerk the wheel to the left. This method of lane changing falls outside of that term we used earlier called “when it’s safe to do so.” You should be able to safely assume you know where your shoulder is. The problem is you have no idea where I am. At least not until you see that cloud of dust behind you as I’m veering off onto the dirt shoulder to avoid a collision.
There is another term called the “2 second rule.” This does not mean you have to change lanes every 2 seconds. What it means is no matter how fast we are going you should always be at least 2 seconds behind me. If the Ministry of Transportation felt that you should be almost touching me they would have called it the “2 inch rule.” They didn’t. Back off.
Now I don’t claim to be a perfect driver but lets at least try to show a little common sense ok people?
