opinions wanted...A "Deadbeat Dad"... Above the law?? or just an ignorant oversight?

[mysticjoz]

Hi all...

Ok.. so we have laws... I abide by them.. as I am sure most do. Except my ex!!
I moved out of Massachusettes 5-6 years ago. BUT, when you have children and they are born IN the state of Ma.. you are "married to the state" which I found out when I wanted to move them to NH for a "better and safer life" !

So... OK I can not move OUT of the state without the permission of the other parent! Who...
#1) had 2 cases opened by DSS (department of Social Services)
a) the first one stated he "abused my son physically" ... they came to MY home.. they went through MY closets, refridgerator, and even tried lifting my childrens clothing!! (to look for "bruises").. needless to say, they said they came to me because "I was the custodial parent".. they dropped it.
b) the second case by DSS stated he was "drinking and using drugs while caring for the two minor children..." AGAIN they came to MY home.. and gave both him and I "assessment plans" which included the boys going to couseling.. I complied. He did not. He was told he had to attend AA meetings, etc.
#2) when the judge found out these charges and the fact that my ex voluntarily entered a group for men that batter thier wives (EMERGE) he also ordered my ex to comply with the DSS assessment plan and NOT to drink prior to seeing the kids.

Now, To move to NH he fought it.. It went all the way to trial!! I had NO lawyer and learned over a few months how to represent myself and my children. How to submit "exhibits" and "facts" ... I even had to put my own mother on the stand! But I won the right to move them out of Mass...
the child support was set at $226.00 per week with $26 per week going to the father for "the inconvenience of our move to NH!" (gas, repairs, etc) that was in 2003!
In July 2004 (one week before a scheduled vacation with the kids ).. I found out when he did NOT show up to pick up the boys that "he was arrested for his 5th DUI!!!" To make matters even better "he cut off a cop and they had it all on video tape!!" So.. he went for a jury trial and spent July 2004 - October 2006 behind bars! Lost his liceance for life!
Now, all that time he was still getting the $26 per week for gas and repairs and to this day he still does!!!! I have tried to get this judge to hear this fact .. with no luck! (that's almost 4 grand!)
While in jail they sold the house and made a $120,000.00 PROFIT and tried to lower the child support to $50 a month! This time I was up against his lawyer who did end up looking like a jackass!
I won 1/2 of what was left after one month! $50,000 in escrow for the boys to get thier $200.00 per week.. my ex mother in law was and still is in charge of the child support payments.
Back then I addressed the $26 a week he was getting and the judge ignored it.

Now... he sits in Maui for the 3rd time since getting out of jail.
I had him served the day before he left (for a modification and reimbursement of the $26 per week times 4 years and an increase in child support since the cost of raising the two boys has greatly increased since 2003!! )
AFTER my ex got served - my child support stopped!!
I have gotten 1 child support payment in a month!!.
The boys and I just barely avoided eviction!

So... I have to ask opinions.
First ... How many people do YOU know who got 5 DUI's BEFORE going to jail?
Why does this judge NOT listen to facts and figures???
How can I get this judge to listen? IF I can not afford a lawyer myself
but they can!
Does it seem my ex is (was) "above the law?"
Is the judge purposely ignoring facts on money issues? or is
this just a case of "ignorance" on the judges part??
Also.. I have tried to move this case here, and my ex postponed that too!

I am open to any and all suggestions and input! Positive or Negative.
I am not trying to air my "dirty laundry"... I do need some opinions! (At the least they will motivate me to get the paperwork more in order and ready for court! ,,,, again )

 

[RobWin]

mysticjoz, I'm really sorry to hear about all your troubles there with your sorry ex...but the first and most important thing you need to do is to fire that fool you have for an attorney...no disrespect intended, as I know you represented yourself which is never, ever a wise thing to do...you need to hire a real professional with something as significant and important as this...your boys future concerns you know...there are plenty of lawyers out there that you can get for free or pro bono and you can check with family services for this also...

This is way too serious a matter for someone that is not experienced in law to try to represent yourself in a matter of this magnitude...so start calling today...now, don't put it off for another minute...

 

[mysticjoz]

thanks rob...
I do want to hire a lawyer... but with my ex's past they want a 3,000 retainer! I have asked the court to have "them" pay for this lawyer as this is continued contempts... but another issue that is ignored.
I have been to legal aid... and I literally got lost in the system. (they spelled my last name with 1 r and not 2!)..

You see I AM MURPHY'S LAW! (no joke at all there).
but yes, i have my list and am starting on the calls now.. problem is i have a court date of March 20th! and I can not post pone this at all.

thanks rob! Like I said any and all input is appreciated.

 

[RobWin]

Once you get your lawyer he will be able to get it postponed if necessary, they can do it when you can't for various different reasons, go back to DFACS and get yourself an attorney now ok...you going today or tomorrow ?

 

[mysticjoz]

Once you get your lawyer he will be able to get it postponed if necessary, they can do it when you can't for various different reasons, go back to DFACS and get yourself an attorney now ok...you going today or tomorrow ?

I have made a couple calls today.... and I will go down tomorrow. (my older son has a dr.s appt in a while) ,, it amazes me.. i have spent 24/7 365 taking care of them, we have had NO vacation in about 4 or 5 years.! All that money... hopefully it will end with being paid back all that $$ and I will be able to take the kids to disney!

thanks doll!!

 

[just play]

I have made a couple calls today

Here's your first problem.....I would be on the phone ALL day, not just making a couple of calls.

Get your phone book and just call every single lawyer. I would say 90% of lawyers have first consultations free. You will find someone who has an interest in your case.

DO NOT DEFEND YOURSELF...in my opinion judges look down on that, I believe that's why you are having problems in the court room.

I do want to hire a lawyer... but with my ex's past they want a 3,000 retainer

This doesn't make sense to me....YOU are hiring the lawyer NOT your ex, so what does that have to do with you?

Good Luck!!!!


*I am not a lawyer, nor do I play one on TV*

 

[babs7262]

Joanne,

Im sorry for what you are going through. Im sure there will be an attorney who will help you BUT..like the others said, your gonna have to do alot of leg work. You really cannot represent yourself because the person who represents himself has a fool for a client!

The other question on DUI'S. You probably wont believe this but I actually know a person who has 13 DUI's under his belt!!! 13!!! Youd think he would be doing a lifetime by now but the judge gave him 2 years, it took 13 DUI's to get 2 yrs! I also know someone else who has 8 and never served a day. Both of these people have money in the family.

Money cant buy alot of things like class, health, happiness etc...but one thing it can buy is your freedom with the help of a great lawyer! You can een place ads for help like on Craigslist but dont give out personal information and make sure you see the attorney's credentials

Also....google...law advocates

 

[mysticjoz]

Here's your first problem.....I would be on the phone ALL day, not just making a couple of calls.

Get your phone book and just call every single lawyer. I would say 90% of lawyers have first consultations free. You will find someone who has an interest in your case.

DO NOT DEFEND YOURSELF...in my opinion judges look down on that, I believe that's why you are having problems in the court room.

This doesn't make sense to me....YOU are hiring the lawyer NOT your ex, so what does that have to do with you?

Justplay... I have been trying to get the boys and I legal help for 12 years!!
The lawyer I had in my divorce ran for office and was not longer "available" to any former clients.
Legal aid, Lawyer referals, pro-bono... the list goes on and on and I literally have 2 notebooks filled with legal names numbers and agencies. I have already gotten out the phone book and called "every single lawyer" .. without money for a retainer.. I can not get any help. Even though he owes me alot of money. Because this is a Mass child support order and I live in NH!!
I do personnally feel this was a bit harsh.. as if I have done nothing. I have done everything humanly possible. Which Is one of the reason's I have an inkling of hope one of our members here has more knowledge in family law than myself (even after 12 years of representing my children and myself it has indeed grown)
MOST judges look down on this in "criminal cases"... but NOT in family court.
As a matter of fact.. I have won the last 3 times I faced his "high priced lawyer".. The escrow money was a HUGE win.. in which his lawyer "told" our judge "profit from the sale of home is not considered income" however.. my judge stated in his courtroom "he would decide what was income or not" and ordered 50,000 in escrow because he had a modification in front of him where they tried to lower the boys to 50 a month.
And "my paying for my lawyer" is not an option.. at all. But if he wants to continue with being in contempt for non payment of child support and continued frivolous *BS then let HIM pay for my lawyer. IMHO he should.

Babs>> Wow!! I thought my ex was bad....lol...
that is pitiful! I am sorry to hear that. and thanks for the advise as a matter of fact I have craigslist on the other window. lol great minds think alike.

 

[babs7262]

THere is another option that may make it easier for you but your not going to like it. Please....this isnt what "I feel", I dont have kids, I am just the messenger from observing legal shows (real ones, not the tvshow kind)

Alot of Judges feel that whoever moves out of state unless it is some dire situation often feels it is the fault of the mover. Again...its not my opinion, I am giving you information from what I have watched and learned. I see this alot. Everytime someone is suing the "ex" whether it be a man or woman , the judge always says "who told you to move" "why couldnt you find work here" "Im sure you could find a safe neighborhood here"

This MIGHT be the root of the problem with the judges. I feel a person should be able to move wherever they want but for some reason, judges get annoyed and feel the person that moved is abandoning the children OR feel that they are taking the children away from the other parent that remains in the state.

Just something you could work on....you know...like do some research on the judge you are going before to find out his beliefs and have good answers for him/her or have your attorney look into it.

Please dont be upset that Im saying this. Its just information and an observation I have made upon watching things on tv. I dont have kids, I dont know what it's like and again, I personally feel a person should be able to move wherever they want. This is the land of the free after all.

 

[mysticjoz]

No babs I am not mad at you...

I did do all of that when I went to trial... which I think was a huge reason I won that.. and he got paid to pick up the kids everother weekend.. and then sat behind bars.

I did have a better paying job until I was injured (permanently)..

For all who have shown interest and input.. I did speak with a lawyer today from legal aid who is willing to meet with me on friday!!!

If they can not represent me from here... then he is calling someone he knows down there! Wish me luck all and thanks for everything! :notworthy

I certainly felt good to get it off my chest and motivated to finish getting these court papers from before in order!
thanks all!

 

[RobWin]

No babs I am not mad at you...

I did do all of that when I went to trial... which I think was a huge reason I won that.. and he got paid to pick up the kids everother weekend.. and then sat behind bars.

I did have a better paying job until I was injured (permanently)..

For all who have shown interest and input.. I did speak with a lawyer today from legal aid who is willing to meet with me on friday!!!

If they can not represent me from here... then he is calling someone he knows down there! Wish me luck all and thanks for everything! :notworthy

I certainly felt good to get it off my chest and motivated to finish getting these court papers from before in order!
thanks all!

OK, there you go...you're back on the right track now, just don't let procrastination creep back into this serious issue...and good luck and keep us updated on what's going on ok...

 

[just play]

I do personnally feel this was a bit harsh.. as if I have done nothing

Why would you find what I posted harsh?

I have been trying to get the boys and I legal help for 12 years!!
The lawyer I had in my divorce ran for office and was not longer "available" to any former clients.
Legal aid, Lawyer referals, pro-bono... the list goes on and on and I literally have 2 notebooks filled with legal names numbers and agencies. I have already gotten out the phone book and called "every single lawyer" .. without money for a retainer.. I can not get any help.

How would I know this? (it wasn't posted in your initial post)



I was trying to give some advice, and you thought I was being harsh.

 

[mysticjoz]

Thanks Robwin, I will definately do that... I think the procrastination was a tad bit more on the lines of "throwing my hands up in the air"... after a long time searching.. there is finally a light at the end of the tunnel.

Winbig... I appologize. You are right. that was not in my original post (I think it was winded enough....lol )

I guess the first comment you wrote hit me really hard about how you "would be on the phone all day" because I have been.. day in and day out to be told the same thing.. "the child support is ordered in Mass and can not be moved to NH.. but it is paid to NH DOR and then to me, HOWEVER NH does not have the authority to enforce a MA order"
The physical custody case should be in NH by now, but the ex hired a high priced lawyer up here and that has been "postponed".

I have given every ounce of heart, soul, love and devotion to my kids and would never stop (until I drop dead)... We got caught in a "catch 22" BUT the good news is ... they are now old enough to speak the truth to the judge. My older one turns 16 today! feb 28th (and on a leap year! )
My younger one turned 13 dec. 19th!
All that this has done is show them how much I do love them and how much I have sacrificed and how hard I will fight to see that the issues are heard!
The age they are at now.. is the age they can get a lawyer regarding the behaviour exhibitted toward them and me by thier dad and what they want to do regarding visits.
So, I guess his plan backfired on him ..

 

[BingoT]

Mysticjoz I'm really sorry to hear about all your troubles
Life sucks at times in our lives that's fore sure.
I wish you the very best.
Tom


Just an idea for him.

 

[mysticjoz]

Thanks Bingo..

BTW.... after my talks on friday... you picture is so fitting.

According to the laywers .. apparently his little stunts not only hurt me and the kids .. but I guess he just did that to himself already!
It wasn't the smartest move to stop the child support the day he was served papers to go to court regarding the kids and modification!...
(but then again, his last dui.. he cut off a police car, they had it all on video, and he asked for a jury trial, so I think he likes hanging from there! )

 

[winbig]

thanks rob...
I do want to hire a lawyer... but with my ex's past they want a 3,000 retainer! I have asked the court to have "them" pay for this lawyer as this is continued contempts... but another issue that is ignored.
I have been to legal aid... and I literally got lost in the system. (they spelled my last name with 1 r and not 2!)..

You see I AM MURPHY'S LAW! (no joke at all there).
but yes, i have my list and am starting on the calls now.. problem is i have a court date of March 20th! and I can not post pone this at all.

thanks rob! Like I said any and all input is appreciated.

You know what you do? Take your story to a TV news station in your area. Lawyers will be beating down your door to get the publicity....and you won't have to pay a cent...I know FOX in Philadelphia loves stories like this...