- Joined
- Mar 13, 2008
- Location
- Ontario
I hope no one minds that I posted this here, but I thought some members that are part of this group might have something to contribute.
I'm worried about a friend of mine that I think may be having trouble with alcohol and/or prescription painkillers.
She's over 65, and frail. Barely weighs over 100 lbs and is about 5'8". Bad car accident about 6 years ago, and for past 8 has been caring for her mom with dementia. Gets little family or respite help.
Her son told me about 6 weeks ago her family had an "intervention". I don't think she's buying drugs on the street, or taking more than prescribed, but she's been on them for a lot of years because of pain.
She's had exactly 4 nights where someone else looked after her mom in the past 5 years, and two were herself in hospital.
We go out to lunch probably every 6 to 8 weeks or so, and she'll often take me with her when she grabs groceries. She'll have a small beer or glass or wine when we go out to lunch. Drop by a Friday afternoon briefly when I've invited her so a fruity blender drink.
She phone me drunk at noonish one day. She wasn't slurring, but she kept me on the phone for an hour and kept repeating herself. And then a few days later apologized, thinking it was a fivish.
Last two times she's been over has asked for a drink. She lives like two and a half blocks from me, neither time was she driving.
She helped me out Sunday with getting some medication and groceries at Walmart last Sunday, and she will rarely take any gas money. So today is respite from noon to three, I invited her to a nice lunch. She walked over and had even made some "mom care" arrangements for after respite if necessary.
She poured about 10 oz of white wine into her glass and guzzled before I was done chopping garlic. This is a bird of a woman, and before lunch was served, she had to sit down on the kitchen floor.
I'm not the judge of people, but I did tell her I'd pay a cab to not walk the two blocks home. She was very unsteady on her feet, and I'm pretty sure she had 6 drinks in less than 3 hours. This gives the driver a good tip with $5. Told her not invited back again for drinks if she refused, or she could call plan B to meet the respite worker if she cared to stay for coffee or a nap. She called me a bully. I'm okay with that, she's known that 20 years, and it's only in my own home I'm a bully, lol. Pointed out her sister would sue me if she broke something and she had to care for her mom. You are responsible in Canada for the condition of your guests leaving your home, even on foot.
I can see about 1 1/2 blocks out my kitchen window, she was staggering drunk. She is still suffering from a broken wrist not long ago, and at a fragile 65, a fall would probably break something again. Hope she made it the other block home.
Other than being a "bully" and saying you can't drink here because I worry about your safety (and my insurance) what should I say? She told me about the intervention before her son did, and she's pretty big D denial. Honestly, a few weeks ago, I didn't really realize myself. They were really worried about drugs, which I'm not sure (but no longer sure) is an issue. Except those bloody things have a life of their own, and as well all know, addicts lie.
It's only just happened, and real life friends also know this woman, I think I'd get more here with more honesty because she's not online and her family would not know me here.
I see her tomorrow for groceries. I think for know I'll just tell her I'm really pissed at her for putting me and my house at risk by staggering home, and I bloody well watched you.
I'm not always tactful. Never have to wonder where you stand, or if I'm doing something I don't want to. No one is my friend for decades without figuring out if if they are okay with that. People either love it or hate it, or both.
On the bright side, she drank 6 out of 10 servings of wine. I have 2 left for my Friday night. Honestly, I don't begrudge her the drinks, she could have passed out drunk in my spare bedroom, saying I'm sorry, I really needed this, I didn't expect it to hit me this hard, yada yada.
I'm not a teetotaler, and I try not to sit in judgement of others. Had a chat with a friend since I started this post, and he said she is probably aware of her issues, but I should still point them out and "shame" her, but not so much she stops talking to me.
Get fall down stupid drunk if you want, just don't kill yourself on the way home. And even on foot, if you step into the road and someone instinctively swerves to miss you and hits someone else, or a pet or a telephone pole to hurt their car and maybe themselves or passengers...
I worry about her, but I certainly don't want a repeat in my house. Call me selfish.
I know I am not alone in dealing with this, I always learn from other people's experiences.
I'm worried about a friend of mine that I think may be having trouble with alcohol and/or prescription painkillers.
She's over 65, and frail. Barely weighs over 100 lbs and is about 5'8". Bad car accident about 6 years ago, and for past 8 has been caring for her mom with dementia. Gets little family or respite help.
Her son told me about 6 weeks ago her family had an "intervention". I don't think she's buying drugs on the street, or taking more than prescribed, but she's been on them for a lot of years because of pain.
She's had exactly 4 nights where someone else looked after her mom in the past 5 years, and two were herself in hospital.
We go out to lunch probably every 6 to 8 weeks or so, and she'll often take me with her when she grabs groceries. She'll have a small beer or glass or wine when we go out to lunch. Drop by a Friday afternoon briefly when I've invited her so a fruity blender drink.
She phone me drunk at noonish one day. She wasn't slurring, but she kept me on the phone for an hour and kept repeating herself. And then a few days later apologized, thinking it was a fivish.
Last two times she's been over has asked for a drink. She lives like two and a half blocks from me, neither time was she driving.
She helped me out Sunday with getting some medication and groceries at Walmart last Sunday, and she will rarely take any gas money. So today is respite from noon to three, I invited her to a nice lunch. She walked over and had even made some "mom care" arrangements for after respite if necessary.
She poured about 10 oz of white wine into her glass and guzzled before I was done chopping garlic. This is a bird of a woman, and before lunch was served, she had to sit down on the kitchen floor.
I'm not the judge of people, but I did tell her I'd pay a cab to not walk the two blocks home. She was very unsteady on her feet, and I'm pretty sure she had 6 drinks in less than 3 hours. This gives the driver a good tip with $5. Told her not invited back again for drinks if she refused, or she could call plan B to meet the respite worker if she cared to stay for coffee or a nap. She called me a bully. I'm okay with that, she's known that 20 years, and it's only in my own home I'm a bully, lol. Pointed out her sister would sue me if she broke something and she had to care for her mom. You are responsible in Canada for the condition of your guests leaving your home, even on foot.
I can see about 1 1/2 blocks out my kitchen window, she was staggering drunk. She is still suffering from a broken wrist not long ago, and at a fragile 65, a fall would probably break something again. Hope she made it the other block home.
Other than being a "bully" and saying you can't drink here because I worry about your safety (and my insurance) what should I say? She told me about the intervention before her son did, and she's pretty big D denial. Honestly, a few weeks ago, I didn't really realize myself. They were really worried about drugs, which I'm not sure (but no longer sure) is an issue. Except those bloody things have a life of their own, and as well all know, addicts lie.
It's only just happened, and real life friends also know this woman, I think I'd get more here with more honesty because she's not online and her family would not know me here.
I see her tomorrow for groceries. I think for know I'll just tell her I'm really pissed at her for putting me and my house at risk by staggering home, and I bloody well watched you.
I'm not always tactful. Never have to wonder where you stand, or if I'm doing something I don't want to. No one is my friend for decades without figuring out if if they are okay with that. People either love it or hate it, or both.
On the bright side, she drank 6 out of 10 servings of wine. I have 2 left for my Friday night. Honestly, I don't begrudge her the drinks, she could have passed out drunk in my spare bedroom, saying I'm sorry, I really needed this, I didn't expect it to hit me this hard, yada yada.
I'm not a teetotaler, and I try not to sit in judgement of others. Had a chat with a friend since I started this post, and he said she is probably aware of her issues, but I should still point them out and "shame" her, but not so much she stops talking to me.
Get fall down stupid drunk if you want, just don't kill yourself on the way home. And even on foot, if you step into the road and someone instinctively swerves to miss you and hits someone else, or a pet or a telephone pole to hurt their car and maybe themselves or passengers...
I worry about her, but I certainly don't want a repeat in my house. Call me selfish.
I know I am not alone in dealing with this, I always learn from other people's experiences.