Made myself violently ill...

[CasinoKidd]

Note: I'm sorry if it feels like this forum is being clogged up by complaint/bitching threads. I promise this is not another "this shit is rigged" thread. I largely do not comment on other peoples problems or get involved, so I'm going to do a one-time thing and get my thoughts written out.

I have a gambling problem.

Last night I deposited $50 into an online casino. Ten minutes, gone. Frustrated, I deposited the same amount. Ten minutes, gone. I deposited once more, this time for double the original amount. Ten minutes, gone. After, I sat in the living room broken out into a cold sweat, feeling dizzy and was having stomach cramps. I promptly regurgitated my evening meal all over the white carpet.

Some carpet cleaner and paper towels later I was settled on the bathroom floor incase I wasn't finished. It was there I was able to reflect on what I had just done. $200 in half an hour. A few clicks and my bank account took a heck of a hit. It wasn't fun - half the time I wasn't even looking. I am freely able to jump all over other's bad habits, but was unable to face a severe gambling problem.

Let me clarify. I don't think gambling is a bad thing; it can mean great fun with friends and family, and hell you might make a few bucks. Somone has a gambling problem when they consistantly think about gambling and winning when they gamble (me!), do not have the money to gamble but still do it anyways (me me me!), and have an abnormal physical reaction to gambling (memememememe!).

So anyways, back to the bathroom floor. I had blown $200 when that money could have been spent in so many better ways; movies, several nights out with friends, a bunch'a new clothes: the list could go on and on. It also reminded me of something my mother said to me the previous night on our way home from the casino, nearly in tears "what have I done to myself?"; she had spent nearly $500 over two nights of gambling when that's about half her 2-week paycheck. My heart broke for her. So sitting there with a taste in my mouth the combination of vomit and mouthwash, I decided it was time to make a change. I decided to end my addiction.

I've removed all of the casinos from my computer, minus one I have decided to keep as a means of weening myself off gambling, plus I happen to specifically enjoy that casino and some of what it offers. I've shredded my casino player cards and all of the offers they have sent me. I have deleted all of the links I've saved for various gaming websites with slots percentages and tips and so on.

Understand I absolutely love Casinomeister. I visit these forums multiple times a day, love seeing the screenshots and reading the stories people share. But what has to stop - desperately - is this bullshit about rigging. It's clogging the forum like a Big Mac clogs arteries. Many people bitch and moan about rigging constantly, mainly because they don't want to admit they have a gambling problem. If you say "I've deposited x number of times with no cashouts" or "I keep depositing with no luck", you need to take a serious look in the mirror. Who clicked "deposit" x number of times? Who was quick to grab the bank card or transfer money?

These major software providers are not "rigged". That's just the way they are. I'm sorry you might not have gotten as lucky as others, but don't give me that bullshit about how your money is gone quick and you're not having fun anymore. That's just like saying "I hate getting shot" and taking out a pistol and shooting yourself in the stomach. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense, and you sound like an idiot. It's time to let it go. If you're having an unlucky streak and feel like the casino is out to get you, STOP PLAYING THERE. Close your account, uninstall the casino, move on. End. Of. Story. Bad news for you: things aren't going to change by bitching and moaning about how you're not winning. It's just going to make you obsesse more and it's not healthy.

I can't tell you how liberated I felt getting rid of those casinos. I know I'll never win a random jackpot and have an extra couple grand in my pocket, but now I know when I'm planning to buy something I don't have to factor in my "gambling budget".

Don't get me wrong. I think posing questions about what a casino might offer or how they might operate creates wonderful discussion which has made CM the best place for casino information and advice on the internet, bar-none. For online gambler's this place is absolutely priceless.

When I left the bathroom floor, comfortable that the nausea had passed, I ended up getting one of the best nights sleep of my life, confident I could stop my gambling problem. More power to those who can afford to gamble, or those who are able to regularly turn a profit. But the fact of the matter is casino's wouldn't operate if they didn't make money, so it's time I stop my bank account from bleeding anymore and put my money to good use, for things I need and want.

Replacing the thrill of a big hit is going to be tough. I know it's a sensation similar to a drug addict's hit of crack. But I am not going to feel sick ten times for one time I feel good. I'm going to eventually have all internet casinos deleted from my hard drive, visit the casino once a month, then once every two-three months, then twice a year for our family vacation and that will be the end of it. I want to be one of those people that don't know what the hell they are doing at a casino. I want to be one of those people who have never experienced the heartache of dropping hundreds of dollars with nothing in return. I really do.

So I leave you with this. If you're losing lots of money and you can't win, stop gambling. Your bank account won't go up suddenly from a casino win, but it won't go down either. Hell, you can buy a flatscreen television for a few nights worth of gambling. FLATSCREEN TV vs. Nothing. Hmm. If you don't have a problem with losing or money, enjoy it! Know your limits and stick to it. As I said, gambling isn't always a bad thing.

From the bottom of my heart, I hope you all win jackpots - I get just as much of a thrill sitting next to a big winner at a casino as I do when I win. Good Luck.

Kyle
"Casino Kidd"

 

[same_old]

I feel for you buddy, I really do.

Will you still be coming here like you do, your a great bloke and love seeing your posts.

You seem a very honest person who is also honest with themself so if this place does twitch that gambling itch by all means take a break from here also, We only want the best for you and if this place doesnt help your plight then have that break.

I started to see myslef going through $300-$500 every fortnight and was feeling all the same things you have ebven though I could afford it I could see myslef starting to do more and went to Bryan's resonsible gambling section , downloaded gamblock spent $70 for the program and boy does it work a treat.. you can put on what you want to access, for example this site if you want but i recommend you click the yes button for all casino's sportbooks etc.

Your a smart kid mate and you have pulled up before you have lost to much, you and your family sound great and probably need to do more family outsings and take your mind totally off gambling. Do you like computer games?,fishing, movies as you said, just think about the times before you were gambling and try and start them again.

I started indoor volleyball and bought a whole heap of computer games and spend hours upon hours with my beautiful little boy.
My relationship is much better.

I will be thinking of you bud and wishing you and that family of yours all the best.

 

[Pinababy69]

Kyle, I don't know what to say except.....fucking Bravo!!!! Now that is a post and a half.

I'm sorry for what you're going through, but I applaud your conviction and your insight. I'm gonna leave it at that, and I hope that some people come back and read it numerous times, and get what you are trying to say.

 

[missmichelle]

Kyle,

I wish you the best in all you do.:notworthy

Michelle

 

[BingoT]

Kyle All I can say is It takes guts & courage to amit this & I am proud of you for coming out with this great post & you may teach some people to think a little too.
I look at it this way if you gamble You gamble what you can afford and never chase that rainbow for that big hit.
I wish you the very best of luck that comes your way.
At times I myself say I will take a baseball bat and hit the living crap out of my computer.or if I go to a land based casino I will punch the screen out.But I know if I do that I will be banned from the place and I would never be able to bring a bus in again.I always stop myself first and think.
Be Proud & Be Happy and never beat yourself down on the mistakes you have made because tomorrow will be a better day.
We Live & Learn & You will always have friends that will help you out like here at CM's forum. if you ever need some friends to talk to you all you have to do is come here.
B-T

 

[mistye81]

Awesome post Kyle, I wish you all the best, and I hope your post helps others that may have a problem too.

 

[vinylweatherman]

There is a danger in the "weaning slowly" approach. Those casinos will soon start to bombard you with VERY tempting offers, will you be able to resist the 200% "come back - we miss you" bonus?

It may be best to remove ALL casinos, even the one you like, and get Gamblock so that you CANNOT be tempted back by these offers.

Use the LAND casino for the "weaning off", and go with your Mum so you can BOTH cut back together. Many of the organisations use this "group therapy" approach to treat various addictions. It is harder to gamble on the spur of the moment with a land casino, since you first have to arrange the trip. You can also leave some money back home, so you CANNOT lose everything.

Many members have admitted to a serious gambling problem, but quite a few are eventually tempted back after swearing to quit. The industry is VERY GOOD at getting people to gamble, even to the point of irresponsibility.

Remember that severe physical reaction, but ALSO remember that MANY people are made similarly ill by Tobacco and Alcohol, especially the first time they overindulge, but the hit often makes them try again, and eventually they become acclimatised. The same can happen with gambling. $200 may be enough to trigger such a reaction when you are young, but if you continue it may take more to trigger both positive and negative reactions.

There is a "quit gambling" group here, which shows us all that you have decided to quit (but you can still take part in the forum). You can go further, and ask Bryan to lock you out of the forum altogether, but bear in mind this is considered PERMANENT, and you will NOT get back in simply by claiming you are "cured"



As for "rigged software", most of the doubt has been created by the cheats in the industry whose software WAS found to be cheating. Other doubts are created by software errors, which result, unintentionally, in players being cheated. For the major software providers, there has never been good proof of their being "rigged", and many complaints seem to be based on a medium session of poor payouts that can be explained by statistical variance.
Software suppliers can help dispel such doubts by being more open about their products. The simplest thing to do would be to cut the BS and make available reel strips and expected payout information. It is utter BS that giving this out will be "commercially damaging" (assuming they have nothing to hide), as this is NOT "internal workings of the software" that MIGHT be comercially sensitive.
MGS slots have been subjected to a thorough analysis, and many have been shown to produce around 95% payback, which is exactly what MGS powered casinos claim. The variance on some has shown that sample sizes in the MILLIONS of spins is needed in order to get an actual payout close to the theoretical one.

Perhaps there needs to be a separate section for discussions of "rigged software", since the subject should NOT be supressed, since there have been a few instances of such discussions exposing the cheats, and the unintentional errors.

For example:-

Absolute Poker - intentional cheating by "insiders". It took CONSIDERABLE analysis and pressure before AP even admitted their MIGHT be an issue.

English Harbour - unintentional error, but they would NOT believe it till PLAYERS had collated sufficient proof.

Mansion - unintentional error in re-dealing discarded cards in multi-hand VP games.

 

[spearmaster]

There is a danger in the "weaning slowly" approach. Those casinos will soon start to bombard you with VERY tempting offers, will you be able to resist the 200% "come back - we miss you" bonus?

It may be best to remove ALL casinos, even the one you like, and get Gamblock so that you CANNOT be tempted back by these offers.

Use the LAND casino for the "weaning off", and go with your Mum so you can BOTH cut back together. Many of the organisations use this "group therapy" approach to treat various addictions. It is harder to gamble on the spur of the moment with a land casino, since you first have to arrange the trip. You can also leave some money back home, so you CANNOT lose everything.

I agree with VWM.

Also, don't forget to delete your current email address, and create another which you will NOT use to sign up with online casinos or sportsbooks.

 

[kmay87]

I have concerns about just how useful Gamblock is.

I PM'd Kyle about this, as I too went through the same thing, around the same age too. But I think that Gamblock is the alternative when all other means fail.

If you have a smoking or drink problem, often quitting straight away with make things worse. Therefore, weaning yourself off over time is the best recourse. But it doesn't (usually) involve making it physically impossible to drink or smoke. Therefore, keeping one casino account open, whether it be online or B&M works in the same way.

I found the latter to be best. When I was at my 'worst', betting at 45+ a spin in the hope of making myself rich, I never really appreciated, or even understood for that matter, the value of money. After all, typing a few characters into an online form really doesn't have the same affect as feeding 50 notes into a slot machine. Once I physically saw and held the money I was losing, in a matter of seconds I saw sense. I shocked myself, and that shock was enough to do something about the problem.

I'm not suggesting that Gamblock isn't a possible measure. But to me, I think that where possible, attempting to solve the problem naturally instead of imposing restrictions is a better way forward. If you defeat this without relying on something to control your actions, it will have a far greater effect.

 

[vinylweatherman]

I have concerns about just how useful Gamblock is.

I PM'd Kyle about this, as I too went through the same thing, around the same age too. But I think that Gamblock is the alternative when all other means fail.

If you have a smoking or drink problem, often quitting straight away with make things worse. Therefore, weaning yourself off over time is the best recourse. But it doesn't (usually) involve making it physically impossible to drink or smoke. Therefore, keeping one casino account open, whether it be online or B&M works in the same way.

I found the latter to be best. When I was at my 'worst', betting at 45+ a spin in the hope of making myself rich, I never really appreciated, or even understood for that matter, the value of money. After all, typing a few characters into an online form really doesn't have the same affect as feeding 50 notes into a slot machine. Once I physically saw and held the money I was losing, in a matter of seconds I saw sense. I shocked myself, and that shock was enough to do something about the problem.

I'm not suggesting that Gamblock isn't a possible measure. But to me, I think that where possible, attempting to solve the problem naturally instead of imposing restrictions is a better way forward. If you defeat this without relying on something to control your actions, it will have a far greater effect.

Gamblock makes it HARDER to gamble again - you have to reinstall your OS!
Since Kyle has access to a B & M casino, and a Mum who also gambles, there is no need to leave "just the one" casino on the PC. Using the B & M casino is similar to the gum & patches smokers use, it brings the user down slowly, but without the quick "buzz" of the actual tobacco product. They can extract enjoyment in PLANNING their trip to the B & M, and PLANNING the amount of money they will lock away for their return.

I hadn't thought of ditching the email address, but it does address the problem of all those "come back" offers the casinos will be sending out. You cannot be tempted by something you cannot see. Kyle will have to act fast though, some casinos wait only a week or two before going into a panic that they have lost their player. Kyle should ensure that OTHER contacts all have his NEW email address before ditching the old one.

 

[kmay87]

That's true. If they both visit the casino at the same time, with a set budget and no means to access any more, they can have fun and also support each other and recognise when the right time to leave is.

With Gamblock, I just feel it defeats the object slightly in that you are having to pay for something to stop you gambling. I know it felt much better to defeat the habit without relying on something else. And let's face it, there are plenty of other venues where you can access a computer. Ultimately, if someone is in desperation because they can't play on their own PC, they will find another way.

I don't know how the US works, but my bank is able to restrict my online purchases via my Visa card. It causes a bit of grief because you can't use your card for anything online, but it has the desired effect.

 

[Jasminebed]

Don't know if it will help Kyle, but I only use a prepaid card, or winnings deposited to my Moneybookers to fund my online gambling. I have to physically go out to fund my card, or wait 48 hrs to load it from my bank account.

Certainly blocks the ability to make a second or third deposit, or to do so late at night when my judgement may be impaired.

And my bankcard stays at home on day trips to a B&M, or up in the room safe on overnighters.

 

[bb28]

Hello Kyle.......when I saw the title of the thread, I didn't really know what to expect but I have to say that you have written one of the most thought provoking posts that I've ever read on here. I for one would like to say thank you for sharing something so personal with honesty and your own painful insight. It took a lot of courage for you to say what you said and I do think that it will have a strong impact on all of us who gamble and some of us will take a good long hard look at ourselves, thanks to you.
With that said......I wish you all the best and thank you for your courage and willingness to share a painful awakening.

 

[gloria460]

And my bankcard stays at home on day trips to a B&M, or up in the room safe on overnighters.

You do the same thing that I do. I have a 30.00 token to use today. I will add 20 to that and leave my debit card and checks home.

A few years ago I used to be up 1000s in online casinos, withdrew, couldn't wait for it to hit my account and redeposited all of it within a short period of time. I know how Kyle feels and it sucks really bad but the good thing that came out of this is that he lost only 200.00, caught it before it spiraled out of control and came here for support to help him get through this.

 

[Rusty]

Good luck and I wish you a fast recovery from your illness.

 

[coxwel]

your post is really honest and what you feel is so true. i also know the feeling you have after loosing your money online in a casino, its becoming so senseless after you think about it and is real frustrating. so how you decided is totally for your best and i think you have the respect of many people by doing this and beeing this honestly. many just lie to theirselves and never admit that they have problem.
for myself i always do like this as i dont play every day, if i like to gamble i look for a nice offer, deposit afix amount which i keep in mind to be gone, if i loose iam just this frustrated theres no intend for me to redeposit, i never did! to loose 2 or more deposits in a row would make me feel too guilty and frustrating me of the fact i have no control of myself.

as i do so it doesnt hurt that much if i loose my deposit,alwyas cashout if able, if i loose next deposit will be earliest in 1 week+. its important to make gambling for no important issue of your live which is able to affect your feelings in a great way. so you can give a fu** if you loose.

i wish you the best and think the best for you would be if you step away from gambling 100% for min a year or more. keep no backdoor from the beginning, just personal advice.

cheers coxwel

 

[Holland87]

Kyle,

I have been a member here at CM for a while now and never have posted until now.

Your story moved me enough to post and tell you I wish you All The Best and Thank You!

There were things that you said that I have told myself over and over and over. Maybe it will all sink in now after reading your post.

I know that I am going to lose money when I go into a casino. I hope I will win but I know I am going to lose. Those are the facts and I face them and move on after kicking myself in the ass for a bit.

Most of the time I will bounce back. I'll lose a few hundred bucks a month and then out of the blue a measly $25 deposit turns into a Couple Grand. Gets me out of the hole, right? Wrong! I can't find the frickin' cashout button!! That's what makes me sick to my stomach!

But back to you..............Stay strong to carry out your decision and I do wish you the very best!

 

[CasinoKidd]

Thanks for all the great replies.

Let me clarify on the debate between quitting cold turkey or gradually stepping down. I have seen my father try and quit smoking cold turkey several times. All that happens is he gets pissy and it doesn't work. Even when I try to stop doing something cold turkey, all I do is become grouchy and eventually give in.

Gambling has played a large part of my life. I've been going to bingo ever since I could do one square, so it's not going to be something I can just "flip a switch" on. However, if I can go on about my daily life with playing less and less I'll be able to replace it with other activities and hobbies. I don't want to be done with gambling completely either; my family goes twice a year on a family vacation and love it, so I'm not going to say I'll never touch another slot - that's a bit too much for me.

So I'm going to step down slowly. I'm going to try and change my brain chemistry so that gambling becomes a rare treat rather than a constant torment. I do have a few spare bucks now and then, so a rare gambling occurance won't hurt - its the twice-weekly trips and thrice-weekly online excursions that cost me. It might take a few months, but you don't change almost two decades of exposure in a week!

Again, thanks for all the great feedback. Good luck!

 

[LaurieJim]

I wish you nothing but the best Kyle as this will be a well driven and hard road that you are about to travel on, my heart and prayers go out to you, not out of pity, but out of the fact that you will be trying to change a habit that has brought you to this point in your life..........God Bless You...............laurie

 

[Rusty]

Thanks for all the great replies.

Let me clarify on the debate between quitting cold turkey or gradually stepping down. I have seen my father try and quit smoking cold turkey several times. All that happens is he gets pissy and it doesn't work. Even when I try to stop doing something cold turkey, all I do is become grouchy and eventually give in.

Gambling has played a large part of my life. I've been going to bingo ever since I could do one square, so it's not going to be something I can just "flip a switch" on. However, if I can go on about my daily life with playing less and less I'll be able to replace it with other activities and hobbies. I don't want to be done with gambling completely either; my family goes twice a year on a family vacation and love it, so I'm not going to say I'll never touch another slot - that's a bit too much for me.

So I'm going to step down slowly. I'm going to try and change my brain chemistry so that gambling becomes a rare treat rather than a constant torment. I do have a few spare bucks now and then, so a rare gambling occurance won't hurt - its the twice-weekly trips and thrice-weekly online excursions that cost me. It might take a few months, but you don't change almost two decades of exposure in a week!

Again, thanks for all the great feedback. Good luck!

Well I hope that works for you but I can understand the cold turkey argument.
The only way I quit smoking for good after over 20 Years was to just stop. Full stop. No crutches, no excuses.
I also knew deep down that I had quit for good right there and then while other times I was "trying to quit"
I only knew the difference Once it was the real deal though.
You will already know on deeper level if this will work out for you or not.
All the best.

 

[paul02085]

I wish you luck in breaking your addiction.

I have basically quit gambling for the last 6 months and do not think i will go back. When the economy in the US started to tank and i started realizing that my job could be gone and along with it my house etc, etc...it really hit me what a waste it is for me to blow a few hundred bucks month in and month out playing slots. I started thinking about how much food and other necessities i could use that money for and also that i may need it in the near future just for those things. Since i had this revelation the thought of spending money on gambling is repulsive to me (thank goodness) and i believe it is a permanent change.

In a way this recession/depression we are in could be good if it causes some people to change their thinking about gambling.

I know my thinking has really switched to thinking much more about the important things in life like family and friends and much less about other things like gambling and material things.

Regardless, it is good for people to have the guts to make posts like you did. You could be helping alot of people by doing it.

 

[jetset]

Kudos on having the maturity, intelligence and determination to face up to your problem, Casino Kidd - that's a big part of the fight back to total control and discipline.

But I join Spear in urging you to make this a total "cold turkey" initiative - no "weaning off" moves and don't keep any links available on your computer.

You can do it!

 

[Casinomeister]

Casinokidd - kudos for your ability to know when "to fold 'em" and to get up and walk away.

The key is to figure out what exactly the addictive quality is for you. Everyone gets drawn in via differing ways: for some it's the games, for others it's the thrill of the win, or doing something risky. Once you've figured that out you're half way there. Then you replace that "attraction" with something totally different - but with the same feel. Never let it become a void in your life that you can slip back into.

I think there have been some excellent examples posted in the forum - I'm still in the process implementing these on the "quit gambling page.
https://www.casinomeister.com/forums/threads/five-things-you-like-to-do-besides-gambling.30042/

Good luck, and don't forget - if you want to opt out from here, just give me a heads up. Thanks!

 

[chuchu59]

Bryan,

I cant opt out of here because if I do the time spent on reading this forum will be used for gambling on horse-racing, mahjong, paigow, baccarat, blackjack, Caribbean Stud,etc.etc. Geeze, I gamble on almost anything. I spend my time at this forum solely for the sake of losing less money

 

[spearmaster]

Bryan,

I cant opt out of here because if I do the time spent on reading this forum will be used for gambling on horse-racing, mahjong, paigow, baccarat, blackjack, Caribbean Stud,etc.etc. Geeze, I gamble on almost anything. I spend my time at this forum solely for the sake of losing less money

Haha... I bet you're not the only one!