Lighthearted News Thread

[steveh35]

In these troubling times of mystery viruses, potential wars and leaving the EU it can sometimes bring people down so let's have a lighthearted news thread, only stories to make you smile.

Starting with

35 year Egyptian man falls in love with Iris, 80 from Somerset

He is so good in bed he makes her saddle sore.

In fact they had to use a whole tube of KY jelly.

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[goatwack]

God bless those kinky passport games

 

[Buffalo Bill]

I love the tabloids, they just had to say how much her house was worth, not after any money though hahaha

 

[steveh35]

I love the tabloids, they just had to say how much her house was worth, not after any money though hahaha

It must be costing a small fortune in lube though on Tesco website it's £3 for a tube she better be worth it.

 

[Buffalo Bill]

Must be like a tunnel in the desert...

 

[dunover]

Don't tell me the ad was on Craigslist something like this:

"Virile arab gerontophile seeks solvent UK pensioner to make her walk like an Egyptian. Willing to travel and change nationality."

 

[FargoVIP]

Don't tell me the ad was on Craigslist something like this:

"Virile arab gerontophile seeks solvent UK pensioner to make her walk like an Egyptian. Willing to travel and change nationality."

lol

 

[steveh35]

32 year old Nicola is furious she is wants to punch someone in the face cos it's not normal.

She is so angry she has contacted Tesco what is she so angry about, she is angry because Tesco are selling Valentine's Cards for children.

She says a card which says Daddy loves you jelly tots is not normal and Valentine's Day is for adults only.

She thinks parents showing their affection with Valentine's Cards should be locked up.

She also wants Valentine's Day banning in primary schools.

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[steveh35]

Poor old Donald

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[Kroffe]

Why wont he just admit he did a shitty job putting on the orange-without-sun cream that morning.
Atleast hes not blaming the poor lightbulbs this time.


But to be fair, he probably knows more about photoshop than i do.
Its not only instagram-models making themselves thinner these days.
Tho he might be alone about increasing the size of his hands.

 

[Kroffe]

Enough about Trump tho.
There are more important news than him being or not being orange.
Such as this!

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[steveh35]

Enough about Trump tho.
There are more important news than him being or not being orange.
Such as this!

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View attachment 122894

I have had my balls in my mouth than that... but errm that's none of your business

 

[Kroffe]

I have had my balls in my mouth than that... but errm that's none of your business

Just how limber are you?

 

[steveh35]

A Doncaster woman claims cleaning the house for an hour gives her the same afterglow as an orgasm.

She claims she can be at it for 7 hours if she is having a deep clean.

Her husband claims he can make a move on her after she has cleaned as she is in the mood.

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So if your love life is in the gutter and needs a lift get your feather duster out and dip your mop,

 

[Kroffe]

Man, my house could show that woman a good time.

 

[steveh35]

84 year old Mary from Torquay has to wear a hard hat in her garden due to falling tree branches.

The newspaper handily provides a 4 second video of Mary's hard hat being blown off her head.

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[Kroffe]

I guess this is a mix of lighthearted and sad.

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[steveh35]

I guess this is a mix of lighthearted and sad.

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Most dog owners are barking mad to be honest, I have dated a few men who own dogs and now it's a no no if any potential man has a dog.

 

[Kroffe]

Most dog owners are barking mad to be honest, I have dated a few men who own dogs and now it's a no no if any potential owner has a dog.

So a man owning a dog is the equivalent of a woman owning a horse.
I never knew.
Im thinking about getting a dog, but that only supports your theory.

 

[steveh35]

So a man owning a dog is the equivalent of a woman owning a horse.
I never knew.
Im thinking about getting a dog, but that only supports your theory.

If you go out with a pet owner you will never be number one in their lives be warned.

 

[sufferinsilence]

If you go out with a pet owner you will never be number one in their lives be warned.

And rightfully so!

 

[pinnit2014]

And rightfully so!

Save human?

Save dog?

Dog eating treats later, bye bye human.

Really is no choice.

 

[Kroffe]

I would still get a bit angry if a future wife of mine runs in to a house on fire to save mcsnuggles the hamster instead of me.
I would crawl to safety with my broken legs and when i recovered i would move to Peru and spend the rest of my life eating guinea pigs for breakfast,lunch&dinner.
Stupid future imaginary wife.

 

[paul7388]

I would still get a bit angry if a future wife of mine runs in to a house on fire to save mcsnuggles the hamster instead of me.
I would crawl to safety with my broken legs and when i recovered i would move to Peru and spend the rest of my life eating guinea pigs for breakfast,lunch&dinner.
Stupid future imaginary wife.

Well doesn't have to just be future wives.

To be honest i would save poor mgsnuggles as well and leave you to your own devices.

And since when were you Paddington Bear wanting to move to Peru.

 

[Kroffe]

Well doesn't have to just be future wives.

To be honest i would save poor mgsnuggles as well and leave you to your own devices.

And since when were you Paddington Bear wanting to move to Peru.

But when i imagine a future wife, its not you Paul.
I dont know any other places than Peru where they eat Guinea pigs.