'Life Before Casinomeister.com'


Dormant Account
Apr 24, 2005

Life Before Casinomeister.com​

Sunday, May 4th, 2003

My NeTeller account is down to $11.08. I just made a bank wire in the amount of $600 this past Wednesday, and by Saturday afternoon, only about 13 hours after the money hit my NeTeller account, I was already down to just over $10.

I thought I was going to make good on this one. I promised myself going in, that I was going to spread out the funds over several casinos. The plan was that I'd drop $100 at Casino-On-Net, $100 at Prestige Casino, $100 at Casino Tropez, $100 at Sci-Fi Casino, $100 at Silver Dollar Casino, and the last $100 at Mapau Casino. Well, that was the plan.

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I got slaughtered on BJ at Casino-On-Net - what's up with the graphics that are putting me to sleep - and I made 4 separate deposits there at $100 a piece, until I finally gave in and threw down the last two hundred divided between Prestige and Mapau.

I managed to get lucky at Prestige, and I was up to $375 playing multi-handed BJ, but I was trying to get to $400 to call it a day. I didn't. Damn. Why do I always need to round-up?

Mapau sucked, but I managed to make the $100 last through the evening, until I finally lost it all at 10:30 this morning. I couldn't get past $120 there, and I was down to my last $2.00, when I decided to play hands at .10 cents per. I did that for about 5 hours. I was lucky enough to get back to $30, but once I increased my bet size back up to $1 per hand, I got smacked back down. Again, damn.

So now, I have a free Sunday, I'm too wired to go to bed, the sun is glaring through my living room window, and I sleep in the living room because it's a 1-room apartment. I have to create false hope, because it will help me forget the fact that I blew $600 in just a few hours playing online BJ that's typically awful, so I shouldn't be all that surprised.

I'm doing a Google/Yahoo/MSN search for all of the best no-deposit bonuses. Uggghhh, another banner farm full of MG $10 free no deposits that I used up back in '01. I'll get someone on live chat over at Mapau, they're always generous with free bonuses. Oh no, not the manager, she never budges. Why do I always get their manager. I'll close this chat window... thank you.

Let's go to good 'ol reliable 'BonusRating.com', and dig for something new. Aaarrrghhh! That casino has been 'new' for 6 months now. Let's dig through these other banner farms. Man, it's always the same MG casinos popping-up. 'Captain Cooks', 'Blackjack Ballroom', 'Cinema Casino', etc. I need something new!

Wait a minute, I still have $11.08 in my account. It's not enough to deposit at any casino... but... wait... 'Global Casino'! I don't need to deposit at least $20 there. Yeah!!! Back in the game, I'm going to treat myself to another cup of 'Maxim Mocha Gold'.

After 15 minutes of 'grinding'...

F**K! I couldn't get past $29. I know that if I could get to at least $30, that game was mine. Damn it!

Oh wait a minute, I still have a chance today. I didn't claim my birthday bonus over at 'Brandy Casino'. I'll get in touch with their live support, pry a bonus out of them. My birthday was roughly 10 months ago, but li'l 'ol me didn get nottin' back in the day.

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Brandy: Hello 'br0043892341', this is Fatima, how are you today?

'br0043892341': Excellent, thank you for asking.

Brandy: Super! : ) How may I help you?

'br0043892341': Actually, I was excellent, until I remembered that I didn't claim that awesome birthday bonus you guys are giving away. Then, I got a little down...

Brandy: Well, happy birthday! : )

'br0043892341': Thank you! But, it was last June, the 30th to be exact.

Brandy: Oh, that was last year, yeah?

'br0043892341': Sorta, yeah. Sorry, just a moment, I've got something in my eye.

Brandy: We can't credit a birthday bonus, if it hasn't been claimed by the week after the day of the birthday.

'br0043892341': What's that Fatima, oh yeah... right. Sorry, I didn't catch what you were saying right away. I was reaching over my computer desk to grab a box of tissues. It hurts when I reach over for something, I have two bad knees and a very bad back.

Brandy: Okay. Is there anything else I could do for you?

'br0043892341': I had to grab a tissue, because I needed something to catch the tears falling from my face. I mean, I could use my hands, but then the keyboard would be all wet, and that would remind me that I didn't get anything on my last birthday from the best casino on Earth, pardon me for saying so. I just wish everyone was as good at their job, as you are at yours Fatima. I'm sorry, what were you just asking me?

Brandy: We're terribly sorry, but we can't credit you with that particular bonus. We have other promotions running that you might be interested in. : )

'br0043892341': You mean, another birthday bonus, perhaps an advance on my upcoming birthday next month, especially considering that I hadn't received anything for last year? Sweet! Fatima! You made my day! You're so awesome, that is like, the nicest thing any casino operator has ever done for me. Brandy rules... just a minute, I've got my friend on the phone, I'm just telling him about the bonus you're about to credit me.

Brandy: I'm sorry sir, but we can't do that.

'br0043892341': What's that? Who's we? Awesome, there's a party over there too! This is the greatest day of my life! Tell whoever the other people are that you guys have THE best casino around.

Brandy: It's my manager, Richard.

'br0043892341': Hey, my uncle's name is Richard. Hillarious!

Brandy: I'll put him through to you.

BrandyManager: Hello 'br0043892341', how are you today?

'br0043892341': Awesome Richard. Fatima is the absolute tops at what she does. I understand that you're going to credit me with my birthday bonus. Just a minute, I want to write a post on my favorite casino-related message board about what a stand-up job the good people at Brandy do.

BrandyManager: I'm very sorry, but we can't credit you with that particular bonus.

'br0043892341': Naw, that's cool. I understand your rules, and Fatima told me and then I was crying once she broke the news to me. I don't want the bonus from last year, no problem. It's okay that I just get credited for the one, not both. I insist, just the one.

BrandyManager: No, not last year's bonus.

'br0043892341': Exactly, not last year's bonus. Fine. Just the one for this year.

BrandyManager: Both no.

'br0043892341': Richard, hang on, I got my friends from Baltimore on the speaker phone, it's a party line. My old college buddies, guys who are looking to burn some cash, work hard, play fast. You know the type. Just a sec.

BrandyManager: I'm sorry, but we can't credit either bonus, because it's not actually your birthday today. However, we have some wonderful promotions running this weekend.

'br0043892341': Richard, just a second, I'm just telling my friends that the good people at Brandy can't do me this one favor. I understand, just a minute, I'm about to get off the horn.

BrandyManager: There's really nothing more that we can do for you.

'br0043892341': Sorry Richard, I was just busy running the numbers through my head. That long distance call to my friends is going to cost about... ugh, wow, I was spreading some good news about your group. Sorry, I understand.

BrandyManager: Your birthday is coming up next month, you can claim the bonus at that time.

'br0043892341': Naw, can't. I'm going overseas to fight in Iraq. I'm going to serve my country. For all I know, I'll be dead by the time my birthday hits. That's cool though, I understand.

BrandyManager: Is there anything else we can help you with sir?

'br0043892341': Put Fatima on, she's pretty cool. Maybe she can help me out here.

BrandyManager: I'm sorry, she's busy at the moment, serving one of our other customers.

'br0043892341': I'll wait.

BrandyManager: I'm sorry sir, but she's finishing up her shift soon.

'br0043892341': That's too bad. I'm sorry, wow, what a total wake-up call. I was all fired-up, ready to play at my favorite casino that I love promoting, and my wheels are shot before I even get rolling. Bummer.

BrandyManager: Thank you playing at Brandy, and have a great weekend! : )

The Manager has left the chat session.

Fatima has left the chat session.

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Birthday Blues...​

Is it my fault my birthday happened 10 months ago? Totally unreasonable.

I'm not ready to call it a day yet, there's got to be something. What's this... "I can get $20 a month just for voting for Brandy. How absolutely morally and ethically wrong, and I'm going to do it! Cha-ching! I have to vote in 4 separate categories, and I'll get $5 per vote. Sounds perfect to me! Wow, who are these forum members here. Making designs with emoticons... :):oops::confused::what::mad::( Uh, okay. You get $$$$$ for the best designs, and explaining how you love Brandy Casino? Have any of these people played there before?

A couple of hours later, account credited...

Let the games begin!

2 minutes later... account emptied losing to a hot dealer...

Wait a minute, hold the phones, I think I forgot to redeem my loyalty points over at 'Player's Club Casino'! My favorite casino. I love how the BJ periodically speeds up. I wonder why that happens (hmmm). Yes, I can redeem $1. Sweet!

The battle ensues...

45 minutes pass... balance hovering between $1-23...

Screw it, if it's going to happen, it's got to be now. I'm all in with the remaining $15. C'mon, I need this one! Okay, the dealer is showing a 6d, I can double-up on my 11 (8d/3h), but I can't, no funds left to bet with, hit, it's a 7s. That's okay, 18 is good... n-n-n-NO! The dealer puts together a 19.

Staring at the walls for about 30 minutes... he does another search...

Hello 'Black Widow'! What a beautiful no deposit bonus. Come to papa!

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Well, not this Black Widow, but I don't think the audience to the right (out of view) are complaining.

The End


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Mar 22, 2010
Mostly the Netherlands
absolutely hilarious ^^
coldhearted brandy casino!
if i was that Brandy-Fatima, i''d given you 100 no deposit bonus, -30 for the drycleaning bill, for making me wet my pants...


Paleo Meister (means really, really old)
May 29, 2004
'br0043892341': Naw, can't. I'm going overseas to fight in Iraq. I'm going to serve my country. For all I know, I'll be dead by the time my birthday hits. That's cool though, I understand.

:lolup: Class.


gambling addict
Sep 26, 2004
Reading thru Steed's post, I thought I were the main character as I played in all the casinos he mentioned although they were mostly in 2002.

I recall Brandy casino having a forum where you have to declare your love for 'em and post your username. You then get free chips but the most laughable part is that whenever they send you emails, they start with "Brandy only delivers good news". So I am surprised they didnt give you anything Steed:lolup:


Dormant Account
Apr 24, 2005

Great responses/feedback! :)

I wonder how G-Fed is doing these days? The graphics were pretty lame, even by '02 standards. Even if someone doesn't know anything about them, I'd be very hard pressed to believe that someone would throw money down on games of that ilk.

When I was specifically writing about the chat session, I was thinking of the Bill Murray character in 'Groundhog Day', as well as Jack Lemmon's character from 'Glengarry Glen Ross', with a side order of 'johnsteed'. :oops: Bill Murray was very desperate trying to 'land' Andie MacDowell, while Lemmon's character Shelley 'The Machine' Levene was either on his knees trying to get the leads from Kevin Spacey, or when he was cold calling potential clients. I also think that people are probably at their worst - and looking for anything - after they've lost big. I can't say that's true for everyone, but I would suspect that quite a few souls out there have gone through similar days; even if this fictional day was a bit of an exaggeration.

Like Chu, I also remember that particular message board that pretty much served 'Brandy Casino' and all of their 'Brandy Votes'. The layout there was brown, green, and yellow, and for the life of me I can't remember the name (I was searching for it yesterday but I found nothing) of the site. Most of the other threads/posts were focused on no deposit bonuses, bonus codes, and such.



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