Jokes : Wrong Approach & Mid Life

weesie

Ueber Meister
Joined
Aug 26, 2010
Location
Old bag lady with a laptop
-------------------------
Wrong Approach
-------------------------

Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage.

Take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds.

I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late."

His friend looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach.

I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the ass and say 'WHO'S HORNY????!!!' and she acts like she's sound asleep! Works every time!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-------------------------
Mid-Life
-------------------------

Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you
are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you
naked.

The good news about mid-life is that the glass is still
half- full...of course, the bad news is that it won't be
long before your teeth are floating in it.

Mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have
wingspans...we are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we
are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life has hit you when you stand naked in front of a
mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.

Mid-life brings the wisdom that life throws you curves...and
that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in
a tube top and scream, "Listen, honey, even the Roman
Empire fell, and those things will too!

Mid-life is when you start to repeat yourself...and your
chins follow suit.

You become more reflective in mid-life. You start pondering
the "big" questions -- what is life, why am I here... & how
much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no
longer a healthy choice?
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Meister Ratings

Back
Top