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I never knew until now

Discussion in 'Quit Gambling' started by Luigi810, Aug 17, 2008.

    Aug 17, 2008
  1. Luigi810

    Luigi810 Dormant account

    Occupation:
    Homemaker
    Location:
    Philadelphia
    GA is where I belong, I just got done reading the GA page and I am sick to my stomach. How can I be so stupid, how could I have lost so much money, how could I hurt my family, this pain is unbearable. I read all the signs of a gambler and I fit everyone to a tee, why was I so blind. I'm 42 years old, I had so much money from an inheritance, I had no mortgage, no credit cards, no car payments and now I sit hear with a mortgage, and a car payment and no one to blame but myself. I was doing so good with my wins, cashing out, paying off credits cards, etc. and it sucked me right in, I won so much and now I sit here and see what I really won, "nothing" The more I won the more I played and when I lost I needed money to play so I turned to the good old refinancing the house. What the hell was I thinking. How could I have been so stupid. I sit here and read some of the threads and I want to be sick, I just joined last night to put in a complaint about 2 casinos (which are true, so stay away), and the more I read the more I hate myself. I don't like me right now, I'm not sure if I'm glad I found this site or happy that I realized before it's really to late, if it's not to late already. How do I get back all I lost, my self esteem, my dignity, how do I get it all back. How do I not go back to gambling, how do I lose this urge. I know it's killing me but yet I'm gonna miss the rush of seeing those 4 of a kinds pop up, they are so hard to get and when I got them, oh boy, not to mention the royal flushes at 25.00 a hand, yet the weird thing is I would rather see the 4 of a kind only winning 800.00 then to see the royal and winning 25,000.00, what the hell is my problem. And now I sit here reading all about the terrible casinos and how a lot of casinos don't pay you, plus I just went through the same thing with 2 casinos and I still want to play. I am so confused, so frustrated. I use to get so mad at my dad when he gambled and now I sit here and do the same. I hated him for it and now I hate myself. I hope I make it through this, I can always make the money I work very hard but will I ever get past the pain of guilt? thanks for hearing me vent, I needed it
     
    10 people like this.
  2. Aug 17, 2008
  3. suzecat

    suzecat Dormant account CAG MM webmeister

    Occupation:
    Retired
    Location:
    California


    Luigi810..........bless your soul............you've had a light bulb moment! THAT is what you can build on and be proud of........:thumbsup:
     
    2 people like this.
  4. Aug 17, 2008
  5. winbig

    winbig Keep winning this amount. webby PABnononaccred

    Occupation:
    Bum
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Yep, admitting you have a problem is a great step in the right direction...so please follow through with it, and be strong. You can do it.
     
    5 people like this.
  6. Aug 17, 2008
  7. babs7262

    babs7262 Banned User

    Occupation:
    On Disability,p/t online slots reviewer
    Location:
    PA
    Hi Luigi

    You are very brave!! Dont be sickened by your "past" behaviour because today is a new new and you can start anew. Addiction has no class , color, sex or religion. Anyone can get caught up in it. You are no different than anyone else but that is also a good thing. Other ppl have gone to GA or whatever group they needed and got passed their addiction. Today is not the day to get mad at yourself, today is the day to get proud of yourself for recognizing you have a problem and hitting it head on!

    I am a recovering addict myself, not from gambling or drinking but still a recovering addict and yesterday (im proud to say) was my 10th anniversary clean. August 16 1998 was the last day my life became unmanagable and today is your first day for you IF YOU WANT IT TI BE. It wont be easy but nothing in life that's good enough to accomplish is.

    If you need someone to chat with, please feel free to pm me. Your in the right direction my friend
     
    7 people like this.
  8. Aug 17, 2008
  9. BingoT

    BingoT Nurses love to give shots webmeister

    Occupation:
    Nursing & Run Bus Trips
    Location:
    Hartford,Ct
    It takes courage to say what you did.
    I give you all the best in the best direction you may take.
    Take day by day and never never blame yourself.We are all human and we all learn by our mistakes we shall make in our lives.
    A great way to start a new beginning is to admit your faults.& you showed us all here.
    Be Proud and never look back to the faults in life and always think positive.
    The first step you took in the right direction to recovery is by admitting it.
    God Bless Ya
    Stand Tall & Be Proud Luigi
    Tom
     
    5 people like this.
  10. Aug 17, 2008
  11. Luigi810

    Luigi810 Dormant account

    Occupation:
    Homemaker
    Location:
    Philadelphia
    Thank you so much for your support.
     
  12. Aug 17, 2008
  13. mojo

    mojo Dormant account

    Occupation:
    webmaster
    Location:
    East Coast
    Please don't be so hard on yourself Luigi. It will be ok and it is ok to forgive yourself. You are human and sometimes things get the best of us. The self loathing is a part of it and I hope you move on from it quickly. I've been there. I hope to see you try to leave that behind and brush yourself off. The finanicial situation improves quickly once you stop depositing. In my case, I had to stop my funding methods. I really hated myself. To this day I cannot be trusted with an atm card so I don't have one. The bank keeps offering it and I keep refusing. I play mostly with prepaid debit cards and only when I have the cash.

    Hang in there luigi and talking about it openly will help you even though it's hard. There is a good crew here to help you in any way they can.
     
    2 people like this.
  14. Aug 17, 2008
  15. Luigi810

    Luigi810 Dormant account

    Occupation:
    Homemaker
    Location:
    Philadelphia

    I like to think of myself as strong, I will do this, thanks so much for your support.
     
  16. Aug 17, 2008
  17. Luigi810

    Luigi810 Dormant account

    Occupation:
    Homemaker
    Location:
    Philadelphia
    Thank you, and congratulations to you, you should really be proud of yourself,
    Addictions are not hard to beat, but you give me hope, I may take you up on that chat if things get unbearable, If feels great knowing there are good people out there that we all can turn to, everyone has been so supportive, I didn't get one negative, I really thought I would get bashed.
    Thanks again for all your support.

    You are very brave!! Dont be sickened by your "past" behaviour because today is a new new and you can start anew. Addiction has no class , color, sex or religion. Anyone can get caught up in it. You are no different than anyone else but that is also a good thing. Other ppl have gone to GA or whatever group they needed and got passed their addiction. Today is not the day to get mad at yourself, today is the day to get proud of yourself for recognizing you have a problem and hitting it head on!

    I am a recovering addict myself, not from gambling or drinking but still a recovering addict and yesterday (im proud to say) was my 10th anniversary clean. August 16 1998 was the last day my life became unmanagable and today is your first day for you IF YOU WANT IT TI BE. It wont be easy but nothing in life that's good enough to accomplish is.

    If you need someone to chat with, please feel free to pm me. Your in the right direction my friend[/QUOTE]
     
    1 person likes this.
  18. Aug 17, 2008
  19. Luigi810

    Luigi810 Dormant account

    Occupation:
    Homemaker
    Location:
    Philadelphia
    You just gave me a great idea with the atm card, I am closing my bank account tomorrow, the only method I was able to use was my debit card and my bank account because I live in the US, in just a few small hours I have made so many changes, I DON'T want to gamble anymore, I am sickened by this feeling. I am so grateful I have you all to turn too, I didn't realize there were so many others like me out there. THANK YOU SO MUCH and GOOD LUCK TO YOU TOO, you seem to have your act together, that is great.
     
    2 people like this.
  20. Aug 17, 2008
  21. anniemac

    anniemac Ueber Meister MM PABnoaccred

    Occupation:
    retired
    Location:
    Texas, USA
    Hey Luigi,

    Hang in there. Been there, done that, got the teeshirt. The debit card is the way to go if you don't just quit cold turkey. Then you have to make a conscious decision to put the money on it. Makes you think about it instead of just doing it.

    Find you something else to do. You have a wife, I know, any kids? Do anything that will take away the thought of gambling.

    Any time you want to talk, just PM me. I'm not on here all the time but most of the time I check in pretty often.

    anniemac
     
    1 person likes this.
  22. Aug 17, 2008
  23. silcnlayc

    silcnlayc Just one more spin pleez! CAG MM PABnonaccred PABaccred

    Occupation:
    IT Director of Operations
    Location:
    Left Hungary
    Luigi, we all have our vices (addictions) in life and once you recognize the one you have and start controlling it, you will have it licked in no time...the first thing was admitting it..which you have done..second is to set your limits and bounderies...which looks like you are doing..

    Just keep doing these things and you will find your way...and if you ever fall off this path, do not beat yourself up, just pick yourself up , shake it off and continue down this path...it is a very hard road but if one puts their mind to it they can do anything...

    If you need a hand going down this road...always remember you are not alone, we are right there by you, helping you on your way to peace within yourself about yourself...a lot of the tools needed to go this route are right here, our experiences and downfalls, to help you avoid them..

    Good luck Luigi,....we are here for you!:thumbsup:
     
    1 person likes this.
  24. Aug 17, 2008
  25. Luigi810

    Luigi810 Dormant account

    Occupation:
    Homemaker
    Location:
    Philadelphia
    Let me start off by saying I am female, my husband is Luigi, my name is Diane,
    I am the one with the problem, I unfortunately cannot have any kids and I think that has a lot to do with my gambling, to much free time and it does make me forget everything, I talk about forgetting everything but I had no worries to begin with, I just don't know what happened and how I got this far.
    And how I never realized I had a problem. I'm spending 5-10,000.00 a week, like it was always going to be there and I didn't even care I was losing. I cannot be trusted with any cards whatsoever, if I have money in the bank to pay bills I just use it and replace it the next day and hope that nothing will bounce before I get to deposit it. I have so many changes to make that my head is spinning, I really need to get rid of this guilt first so I can move on, and so much to make up to my husband, I blame him for not stopping me, he said I had a problem but I didn't believe him, if he knew I had a problem why didn't he take away the money instead of trusting me with it all. I know it's not his fault, he never got mad at me, and look what I've done to him.
    I haven't gambled in 2 days, this is the longest time in 5 years..I am so grateful I found you all, If it wasn't for all this support I don't know where I'd turn. When I first started reading the GA page I hated this site, I was mad at casinomeister for even having that page, now I am so grateful and I can't thank them enough. Thanks for eveything, I will keep all posted. And if anyone needs me, I will always be here


    Hang in there. Been there, done that, got the teeshirt. The debit card is the way to go if you don't just quit cold turkey. Then you have to make a conscious decision to put the money on it. Makes you think about it instead of just doing it.

    Find you something else to do. You have a wife, I know, any kids? Do anything that will take away the thought of gambling.

    Any time you want to talk, just PM me. I'm not on here all the time but most of the time I check in pretty often.

    anniemac[/QUOTE]
     
    1 person likes this.
  26. Aug 18, 2008
  27. anniemac

    anniemac Ueber Meister MM PABnoaccred

    Occupation:
    retired
    Location:
    Texas, USA
    Sorry, Diane. I thought, as I am sure others did, that you were male. That being said, it really makes no difference.

    Here's my story. This is not to make anyone feel sorry for me but here it is. I lost my father in April, 1997. My husband was killed on the job in October, 1997 and my first grandchild was born December, 1997. I had kidney surgery in February, 1998 and my daughter left her husband in April, 1998. Oh, and I had a 15 yr. old son left at home. After 2 years of trying to find my "behind with both hands" and waiting on the next crisis, I discovered bingo. Well, here I went. 7 days a week. From bingo, I went to the casinos. I went through an awful lot of money. Then I found online casinos. Oh boy, I could stay at home and still gamble. Well, that fun soon turned to NOT!! The first win is wonderful. The succession of losses were depressing. Slowly but surely, I have cut down. Set limits, closed accounts and am seriously considering a netnanny type of lockout. And I have been to the GA website also.

    So, when I said I had been there, I have. But do not blame anyone else. Nobody made me spend what I did. So, it is up to you to stop. Get help from someone if you can't help yourself. Alot of us here on this forum have or have had the same problems. We will help where we can.

    Offer still stands, PM me if you would like. I will give you my email address if you don't want to come on this forum.

    anniemac
     
    6 people like this.
  28. Aug 18, 2008
  29. catrina m

    catrina m Senior Member PABaccred

    Occupation:
    service
    Location:
    US of A
    This forum isnt just about gambling

    its about the people that gamble, and the members here are very fast to offer support and advice

    a good place to be!
     
    1 person likes this.
  30. Aug 18, 2008
  31. catrina m

    catrina m Senior Member PABaccred

    Occupation:
    service
    Location:
    US of A
    The casino's are basically all the same

    They will let you play awhile at a low roll but eventually take it

    Has anyone ever noticed that you can hit low rolling, not much mind you, but get a few nice wins

    raise your bet where they are in danger of a real payout and it shuts down

    I low roll, and cash a hundred or two here and there, but my deposits usually equal it or I am actually on the losing end

    Hit a nice one, think its paying and raise the bet. BOOM! bye bye money

    lol

    How can you actually win?

    All in all, They let me win enough to keep depositing and hoping, but I am a loser in the long run, as is most that will admit it ( except for KK who has discipline and self control)

    I haven't put myself in a bad predicament because I refuse to lose any more than what I have extra

    But I could do a lot with that

    This thread has inspired me to buy something for myself with my extra money and cut down on my deposits to a minimum. If I lose it so be it, I am tired of chasing the elusive big payout. If I hit on 25% of what I am spending now it will be that much sweeter!
     
    4 people like this.
  32. Aug 18, 2008
  33. lauram

    lauram Dormant account

    Occupation:
    self employed
    Location:
    toronto
    First off Diane i think you need a hugggg. I think a few of us here at cm have also walked in those steps of over depositing. I for one when i first started to deposit in jan this year I was making large deposits with few returns then when the losses started rolling in I also was disgusted in myself. I found a bit of content with by looking at it all this way at the time i was dropping in large sums of money i was very happy and having fun playing so why take that part away from myself. Then as you said, it catches upwith you so i laid back for a bit. Then i did a google search and found a site to chat with others about it and found one very helpful person that said they also have been there done that. They now play tourneys lower deposits and so on. So i in turn started to do 20 to 50 deposit, playing lowest bets and i seem to have more fun this way i see more bonus rounds free spins and i limit myself to what i would spend as pocket money rather then over doing it. Not saying this will work for everyone but this did work for me at times i go weeks with no deposits now. Give it a few days you should feel a little better if need be to chat give me a pm or any of the others that you might feel comfortable with.
    Laura
     
  34. Aug 18, 2008
  35. babs7262

    babs7262 Banned User

    Occupation:
    On Disability,p/t online slots reviewer
    Location:
    PA
    One thing I also wanted to add since youve stated your bankroll each week. Alot of people are under the assumption that if you can afford to lose that much its ok. This is why alot of celebrities have drug.,drinking and gambling problems. The amount you have to spend doesnt mean you are not addicted or not have a problem. Im not saying you said that Diane. I just felt like I wanted to say that.

    If I made $1 million a year and could afford to spend $10K a week and did does that mean I dont have a problem? THere is a huge misconception about hitting rock bottom. I dont believe a person has to reach rock bottom in order to get help, infact, its much stronger for a person to stop before he reaches it. THat show willpower while rock bottom shows "no choice"
     
    3 people like this.
  36. Aug 18, 2008
  37. anniemac

    anniemac Ueber Meister MM PABnoaccred

    Occupation:
    retired
    Location:
    Texas, USA
    So right, Babs. :thumbsup:

    You know I think that every player - B&M or online - should sit down and put pencil to paper and see exactly where they are for some period of time. I used a month because for the last 6 months all my play has been about the same. I figured up deposits, withdrawals, coupons etc. Sure did open my eyes. :eek:

    I also think that gambling addiction is like alcohol addiction - runs in the family. My dad was a poker player. Strange thing was that he would never let me play poker with him even in fun. Not a woman's game. At aone time I was a pretty fair poker player. Be interesting to know the odds on that.

    Slowly but surely, I am working on mine. From 10-15 casino down to 3. Thousands down to a hundred. Will be down to 1-2 soon.

    Besides I have to save up to go pick up my son in NC when he gets out of the Marines in November.
     
    1 person likes this.
  38. Aug 18, 2008
  39. same_old

    same_old Dormant account PABaccred webmeister

    Occupation:
    12th man
    Location:
    Australia
    Luigi your a good soul mate and I honestly wish you nothing but the best in life for you and your family.


    Money is only a material possesion mate you have family,friends and I'm sure a caring husband.
    Yes it is very upsetting but not the end of the world for you, keep your head up buddy. As the others have said the first step is actually acknowledging you have a problem ( which you already have done), Do those things you used to do before online gambling, what does it for me is fishing,computer games,my new little baby boy and my wife, not to mention the lovely bunch here who will move mountains to help you.

    Keep on Keepin on Girl!!!!
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2008
    3 people like this.

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