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I just have to vent....

Discussion in 'The Attic' started by just play, Aug 17, 2010.

    Aug 17, 2010
  1. just play

    just play closed account

    Occupation:
    Director of Home Operations
    Location:
    USA
    please forgive me if i curse....my uncle just died today, he drank all his life, he lived with his mother (my grandmother) who is 90. i have been taking care of her and him (grocery shopping/doctors/etc since my grandfather died 15 years ago, neither drive) then when my agoraphobia got bad my husband took over...now mind you I have a brother. he didn't do anything for my other grandfather that died 20 years ago, i of course helped him with his needs until he passed...so i call my brother hoping he would come down and check on our grandmother....nope...he asks about funeral arrangements and whatever...then says ok...and that was that.

    What the fuck kind of grandson is this??? why do i always get the burden put on me...i can't stop crying, i know they are going to take my grandmother out of her home, because she's 90....i feel bad and can't stop thinking about it...me and my dad went over today to see if she was ok...but how ok can you be when your own child dies!!! all the police and ambulence whatever were there, i am the next of kin cuz my scumhole mother left us when i was very young, now living across the country (i had to call the police in the state she lives in just to find out her number cuz my grandmother doesn't know where it is, and they will contact her and tell her)....with my disorder its sooooo hard to do anything, so now i have taken like 2 extra pills already cuz no one else will do anything, or no one else gives a fuck!!!! namely my fucking brother.

    i told my grandmother me and my daughters would come over later (after supper, she still cooks for herself, even tho i asked if i could bring something) but again this is extrememly hard for me....my husband is 1.5 hours away and wont be home til 11:30 tonight. i'm so fucked up right now...i just needed to type out my feelings i guess. he was such a good man, took care of my grandmother but the drinking got the best of him.

    don't know if any of this made sense..
     
  2. Aug 17, 2010
  3. vegetagirl2008

    vegetagirl2008 Mafia Wars Level 472

    Occupation:
    No Job Here..
    Location:
    Brooklyn, New York, United States
    Honey right now you need to leave this in God's hands. God will not let you take on more than you can bare. I will be praying for you for the Lord to give you the strength to make it through these trouble times. Pray for your family members that God will show them they need to do the right thing.
     
    3 people like this.
  4. Aug 17, 2010
  5. Nifty29

    Nifty29 Dormant account

    Occupation:
    PAID CASINO SHILL
    Location:
    Turn right, then right. then right again
    I feel really bad for you Just Play.

    You know what they say about being able to choose your friends but not your relatives!

    If there is one thing Ive learned over the years, its that you cant control the actions of others - only yourself. You are doing the right thing, and that is the most important thing. I strongly believe in karma and take heart in the belief that it will come back to you in spades.

    Thanks for trusting us enough to share. Its the main reason I love CM.

    Chin up! :)
     
  6. Aug 17, 2010
  7. Mavin1

    Mavin1 Dormant account

    Occupation:
    Caregiver/homemaker
    Location:
    Arizona
    Hi Just Play, hey don't worry about spilling your feelings, you have a perfect right and I truly sympathize with you, especially at this time.
    There is not much that can really be said that will change your frustration and anger about the lack of attendance or assistance by other family members, believe me I know. Venting is the one thing you can do and it hurts no one, but relieves the stress just a bit for you.

    Now, I like you, am also taking care of a parent, mother in law for me and the daily doing is a very difficult task. As many people know, there is usually only one family member that is willing to care for an elderly parent or grandparent, the other siblings, simply shut off their morals and emotions and caring nature and let the one do it all. I believe it is this way for all who care for someone alone and the rest of the family won't inconvenience themselves to lend a hand or give a break or anything. My idiot brothers in law live here in town, the town is only about 1.5 to 2 miles long, so not like they aren't able to come by or pick their mom up once in awhile. Oops, now I digress.

    For some of us, something pushes us along, pricks at our hearts and we heed the call to be the one that will care for a loved one. We go through many ups and downs, but we always come back to the ups, even when all seems impossible. However, we are rewarded in how we feel when we have done our best and all we can for the ones we love.

    I feel God makes provision for those who have grown old and assures that there will be at least one that will care for the elderly. Doesn't matter how it is done, whether it is a home, a home with you, or assisted living, just as long as we are there to care for them, love them, do all the things they can no longer do, or visit them often if they are not living with you.

    Looking at it from the elderly persons side, just think how heart broken they would be if there were not even one family member that came to their rescue and gave back to them what they themselves gave. So no matter how hard, time consuming, all encompassing it may be, at least we can look at ourselves in the mirror each day and say, you have done a good thing, you have blessed someones life, not because you had to, but because you chose to and you are spiritually richer for it.

    Now for the asshole family members that couldn't for a moment have a ripple in their comfort zones, they can kiss my butt for all I care! Let them come to me when they need something, I'm sure I will be busy.

    I cussed so you wouldn't feel bad for doing it. :D

    I and Felicie, oops, forgot Vegetagirl, are great shoulders to cry on if you need one. Hope you don't mind me saying so Lib and Teretta. So I'm here for you.
     
    2 people like this.
  8. Aug 17, 2010
  9. cpdnd31

    cpdnd31 Ueber Meister CAG webmeister

    Occupation:
    -
    Location:
    where the taxes are the highest
    Its hard when you feel like know one notices or cares about the things that are most important to you. In times like these the best adivce I can give you is: Know that what you have been doing and what you have done is from the goodness with in you. Thats where the strenth to get you thru this will come from. Know that your children will remember how you cared for others and one day will care for you. Know that the angles that watch your every move and guide you thru times of pain are now 1 more. Karma my friend the goodness in you shines thru, cry shed your tears take a step back take your moment and remember who you are -
     
  10. Aug 17, 2010
  11. just play

    just play closed account

    Occupation:
    Director of Home Operations
    Location:
    USA
    ok I'm a little more calm now. My daughters (8 & 20) came with me, we just got home a little while ago. my grandmothers a bit confused, she kept asking when did her husband die, it was her son. i asked if she ate, she did, she looked ok, but her mind wasn't all there, getting old and the comotion today.

    my 20 year old left the house crying, she didn't want to leave...it was very sad and she never had to go through this yet...maybe i wont bring her next time...i don't want to harm her, if that makes sense?

    i asked if my mother called, she said the phone rang while she was in the garage...grrrrr....she shouldn't be walking around putting things where they should be out in the garage.

    i know some people don't like when members post personal things here, but i was just so fucked up...i'm not a cryer normally. i can't wait until my husband comes home.

    thank you everyone for just being here.
     
    1 person likes this.
  12. Aug 17, 2010
  13. Mavin1

    Mavin1 Dormant account

    Occupation:
    Caregiver/homemaker
    Location:
    Arizona

    I doubt anyone is going to complain about your post. With your condition and isolation, your friends here on the forum are as good as friends coming by to see you.
    So all who are here, are with you, giving you that hug and letting you know all will be okay and letting you know, we wish we could be there with you. That's what friends are for.
    God Bless you.
     
  14. Aug 17, 2010
  15. jod5413

    jod5413 Is That Better?

    Occupation:
    having a good time doing anything
    Location:
    somewhere on the planet
    I do not know who would ever think people should not post personal things here? Part of a forum consists of people getting together and sharing, not just screen shots or bad playthrough or a bitch about some silly casino.

    Just Play, I truly feel for you, sometimes life can be a real bitch, but also, you have to believe that things will get better. I believe you have plenty of friends here to listen and listen gladly. Hang in there!!!
     
    3 people like this.
  16. Aug 17, 2010
  17. rockycatt

    rockycatt meistercatt CAG MM

    Occupation:
    carpenter
    Location:
    Boston
    my thoughts and prayers for you and yours amen
     
  18. Aug 17, 2010
  19. pevangel

    pevangel Meister Member

    Occupation:
    inside sales
    Location:
    FLORIDA USA
    First Just play, I am so truly sorry for your lose. I wish you lived by me I would definitly help you, you would not be alone, I am sorry for your condition. that is rough one, I certainly give you credit for what you are doing for your Grandma. You are an awesome person. anytime you want to vent I do think anyone would mind, we are all human and sometimes we need to let it out. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.


    pevangel
     
  20. Aug 17, 2010
  21. taysh075

    taysh075 Non-Gambler

    Occupation:
    Work in mental health
    Location:
    New Zealand
    Just Play, please accept my sincere condolences on your loss. There are never words that will help but my thoughts are with you anyway. Secondly, please make sure in all of this you are looking after yourself as well. It will do no-one any good if you become too overwhelmed, stressed and become unwell. I know sometimes when there is so much to do that people just push themselves. When the dust has settled the consequences hit. Make sure you are supported as much as you obviously support everyone else.

    Take care and never feel awful about posting such things as this. My understanding is that this is a community and community supports one another.
     
    1 person likes this.
  22. Aug 17, 2010
  23. Jasminebed

    Jasminebed Closer to 100 than Birth

    Occupation:
    Not in workforce
    Location:
    Ontario
    Just Play, my condolences on your loss of your uncle, and my condolences to your grandmother too.

    I know with your disability, that many things are harder for you, but you are doing great, really you are. Bereavement does not always bring out the best in families, please try to be forgiving of people, not because they deserve it, but because you deserve that quiet in your soul.

    Sounds like a lot will fall to you, but don't be afraid to ask for help to deal with it all. While your daughter was understandably upset, I'm sure she's got strength and will want to help.
     
  24. Aug 17, 2010
  25. BingoT

    BingoT Nurses love to give shots webmeister

    Occupation:
    Nursing & Run Bus Trips
    Location:
    Hartford,Ct
    Just Play my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
    God Bless you for the many great deeds you do for the family.
    Things will get better for you & we are here for you.
    And always remember it's great to have a Caring Heart than not to have a Heart at all.
    God Bless You
    ~T~
    [​IMG]
     
  26. Aug 17, 2010
  27. chayton

    chayton aka LooHoo CAG PABnonaccred webmeister

    Occupation:
    Freelance Designer
    Location:
    Edmonton Canada
    JustPlay, my condolences on your loss. I know what your going through to some extent - I went through a pretty hellish experience when my dad died, and MY brother made it a thousand times worse. It really sucks when people who you're supposed to be able to count on and rely on for support end up doing the opposite.

    You're getting some good advice here - make sure that you look after yourself too. Hang in there.
     
  28. Aug 17, 2010
  29. just play

    just play closed account

    Occupation:
    Director of Home Operations
    Location:
    USA
    Thank you again everyone.

    I would like to share some things about my uncle.

    He was a star basketball player in highschool, he still holds the record at that highschool for the most baskets scored in a game. He was in the newspapers all the time for his athletic ability. He went to a very expensive private college on scholorship, but that's when the drinking started. Some people say he was so good he could have went professional.

    He was always there for everyone, would give you the shirt off his back. He took care of my grandmother when her husband passed. That was a very rough time for him when his dad died.

    He would call here all the time just to see how I was doing in the past year or so. He always asked about my children and my dad. He stopped driving because of his alcoholism many many years ago, I actually don't remember him ever driving. He would ride his bike around town, everyone knew him, very sociable, friendly. When I got home yesterday many people already knew about what happened.

    I will indeed miss him very much. His heart of gold the most.
     
  30. Aug 17, 2010
  31. RedAndi

    RedAndi Winter is Coming

    Occupation:
    Lazing
    Location:
    US
    JP, Condolences to you on your uncles passing, hopefully he can be at peace now.

    I was thinking about your grandma and wondering if it would be possible to have her move in with you? It sounds like she needs to have someone with her and living alone could be rough.I know these things are never easy to decide on but I hope things work out well for you and the family that IS there for you when this all comes to pass.
     
  32. Aug 17, 2010
  33. just play

    just play closed account

    Occupation:
    Director of Home Operations
    Location:
    USA
    Saw my grandmother this morning...then I slept the rest of the day.

    They got ahold of my mother, she should be here today, I told my grandmother my husband and I would be by after supper.

    I would rather take a knife and stab myself in the eye than see my mother. Now I get to look forward to talking with her and telling her everything that's been going on. Someone asked me if my mother left the family....yes....when I was about 7, she left and I have only seen her once since then, at my grandfathers funeral. I am 39.

    On a brighter note...my grandmother was much better today. Her memory fades sometimes, so I feel better after seeing her be better.
     
    1 person likes this.
  34. Aug 17, 2010
  35. Mavin1

    Mavin1 Dormant account

    Occupation:
    Caregiver/homemaker
    Location:
    Arizona
    I am glad to hear your Grandmother is doing well today, with your loving support, she will be fine.
    I also hope you are doing better as well, I know this is a rough time for you, but I'm sure you have many people here keeping you in our prayers.

    Please don't let seeing your mother again, upset you so much, life is to short to bear ill feelings. I'm sure her presence will be difficult for both of you and maybe it will be a good time for healing old wounds. Having negative feelings can in the long term affect your health and well being, so I do hope you both can get beyond this and find that connection that was lost a long time ago.

    When I was just a toddler, my mother had dumped me and my 2 sisters on our dad and ran off with another man. At age 4 my dad gave me away to another family in Ajo, gave my younger sister to a horrid aunt and my older sister to someone in Pheonix.

    Well, life went on and I finally met my mother when I was 21 for the first time in my life. My older sister found her, got her to come from Florida to meet us. I found I was fascinated by her, seeing the resemblance and knowing she was my real mother. I had to go to Tucson to take care of some things and while I was gone, my sisters husband threw her out on the street. When I came back, she was gone and I have never seen or heard from her again. To this day and I am 56, I just wish I could tell her I forgive her, for what ever reason she left us girls, but know I probably never will be able to.

    I hadn't seen my dad for many many years, until I was called by my step brother to tell me he was in the hospital because of a stroke. Rob and I went to Bagdad, Az, to see him and he was unresponsive. While I was there, I whispered in his ear that I forgave him and loved him very much. He died 2 days later, never having gained consciousness. I don't know if he knew what I had said, I can only hope he did. But I feel better having said that than if I hadn't.

    My younger sister Danna, I haven't seen since I was 13, don't know if I will ever see her again. If I could, I would tell her that I love her and I'm glad she is my sister.

    I guess what I am trying to say, is not to make this about me, but to help you see that if you have the opportunity to heal old wounds, it's better to try, than not. Believe me, when you get older if you mother passes away, you will have unresolved feelings than will always nag at the back of your mind and a saddness that will always be there. So rather than wishing later, maybe when it's to late, that you could heal those feelings, do yourself and your mother a kindness and heal them now while you still have the chance.

    If things don't go well, just know that it wasn't because you didn't try.
     
    1 person likes this.
  36. Aug 17, 2010
  37. secret2

    secret2 irishbrit62 MM

    Occupation:
    driver
    Location:
    New York, United States
    Just play: You seem like a very good person. You care deeply about family and what is important in life..what is good and what is bad.
    So sorry for this for you and yours.

    My advise, if it's ok ? Keep on being you.We need more people like you in this world.

    My family can suck big time, too. Family, religion, money and power brings out the worst in some people sometimes,doesn't it?

    My dad died and then my brother and then a knock on the door from relatives that we didn't know existed came to 'visit' but really came to see what they could take.

    Big hugs to you Just Play. I am not a regular poster but read a lot here and I have tears for you my dear.

    It will pass...be strong.
     
  38. Aug 18, 2010
  39. just play

    just play closed account

    Occupation:
    Director of Home Operations
    Location:
    USA
    Just a little update...

    The police called here yesterday about 4pm and said my grandmother was dressed in black thinking she was going to the funeral. They said either I stay with her or they have to take her away, she cannot be left alone.

    I went there with my 2 daughters and waited for my husband to come home...then we brought my little one over my dads to stay overnight, my older one left. My husband and I spent the night, he had to leave at 6am this morning, so later on about 10am i called my older daughter to come, she came and stayed.

    My mother didn't get in until today at about 1pm. She was with her friend that i knew from being young...we all gave each other hugs, this is only the second time myself and my older daughter has seen her...my younger one never met her.

    She was so nice...it was strange, cuz i have all these bad feelings about her...she had tears in her eyes when i asked her how she was...and then again when talking about her brother...she said "he was the one with the kind heart" an obvious jab at herself.

    So we went over everything, and she said she will ask grandma if she wants to go live with her or stay here at a nursing home...i think she is going to push for her to go live with her. I told her my husband and i would be back later after supper to take her bills and pay them...there's a little place up town you can pay all your bills...grandma counted out the money and i put it in the envelope, we will do that tomorrow, my husband has it off from work.

    My mother was thankful we were doing that, cuz she has to do all the funeral things. My mother doesn't know how anything was done since she wasn't here...so we can at least help out with the things we know. Then I need a big break...i am so tired/hungry/just blaaaaaaa.

    Thanks again to everyone.
     
    3 people like this.

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