Having a tough time staying clean

Jennifer

Banned User - violation of <a href="http://www.cas
Joined
Oct 2, 2011
Location
canada
Some of you may remember my thread where I said I quit online gambling. Most people will count the days/months they have been clean but I havent as I just tried to think about every day as a normal day of non gambling. My guess would be 6 months.

I have no idea why but lately Ive had really strong urges to load online and pull some slots. The weirdest thing is lately ive actually had a few dreams of winning online . Ive been as tough as a rock so far but now Im feeling a weakness seep in and it sorta of scares me. The thrill is calling my name but I dont want to go back to that lifestyle.

Since Ive quit, Ive lost 44 lbs, have an extremely active life and have a great sleeping pattern but now it just keeps tugging at me. I keep telling myself just load $25 and have some fun. But deep down I dont want to as I fear of going back to what I used to be. A dark and lonely lifestyle.

Advice on how to get rid of this? I dont get it because I trained myself to absolutely HATE online gambling so I dont get where this is coming from

Thanks for reading and if anyone feels like responding I would appreciate it :)
 

dionysus

Good(w)ill Ambassador
Staff member
CAG
MM
Joined
Apr 27, 2009
Location
the land of snow and maple syrup
Well, for starters, I'd hop off the GAMBLING forum, because it has loads of temptation, find a good book,or some telly...I'd suggest some FB games, but that puts you back on the computer..if you don't have one, get a dog; they demand attention and keep ya busy
 

jetset

RIP Brian
CAG
Joined
Feb 22, 2001
Location
Earth
Like other addictions I guess if you have a psychological vulnerability to gambling it can always represent a potential danger unless you remain disciplined and have the strength to force yourself to think about/do other things as has been offered above.

That's my best shot I'm afraid, other than to suggest that when you feel the urge you get that inner voice to remind you of how miserable you were before you gave it up, and what it cost you to do so.

The really hard part was recognising that you had a problem and having the character to stop in the first place.

Good luck
 

Bono2u2

Registered
Joined
Mar 29, 2012
Location
Florida
First I'd like to commend you for admitting your struggles with recovery and seeking help/advice. Keep seeking advice and talking about it until you get an answer that "clicks" with you and helps you move forward.

Addiction is ours forever it never goes away, thats a hard fact to face... Addict or not, no one wants to be told or think they can "never" do that or have this, especially if it's something you really like and enjoy doing.

Thats why your taught to take it "one day at a time"... know the truth but "never say never", it's a little mind trick that'll keep you from going insane....

Addiction will pop up when your at your best... Everything in life seems great! You feel confident, strong, and in control, like you can handle anything that comes your way...

You'll think, look at all I've accomplished... Look how great I'm doing... What was I so worried about, I don't think I even have an addiction... I quit because I "wanted" to not because I "had" to...

That's the "addiction" trying to pull you back down... Now is when you HAVE to remember why you HAD to stop...

What was your life REALLY like when you gave in to your addiction? What were you like? Did you take care of yourself and others? Did you feel proud to be you? Were you happy?

You said you keep telling yourself, "just load $25 and have some fun"... Was it really fun? I don't think so because then you said, "I fear of going back to what I used to be. A dark and loney lifestyle" ...

Think of how your life is when you give in to your addiction...Now think of what it is like when you don't... (I think you'll pick the slimer, happy, active lifestyle) ;)

Best of luck to you! Stand strong and be proud of how far you've come!

P/S- If you don't have a pet and it's possible, getting a dog was a really great suggestion! ;)
 

samoas

Senior Member
Joined
Sep 16, 2003
Location
Philly born & raised 2 traffic lights away
Hi Jennifer,

Just wanted to say stay strong. All it takes is one time for you to fall back into a pattern you strived so hard to avoid. You will start with $25, may get no play time & think "I'll give it one more try." It's a dangerous road.

You should be proud of your weight loss. Sounds like this has been a very productive time for you personally. Keep the faith & remove yourself from ANY temptation. Sadly that includes the main forum here, from my perspective. Stick to the Quit Gambling section. We will still be in touch and root for your success. I promise!:)

Best Wishes to you!

Christine
 

rockycatt

meistercatt
Joined
Oct 26, 2008
Location
Boston
my advise is contact a G A meeting group and get acquainted with other peeps with the same problem ive done the AA program 3o years ago and it works you will find the live meetings equal or exceed the crave for gambling they are there waiting for new peeps to help by helping you in turn you help them get even stronger in there quest for freedom
 

BingoT

Nurses love to give shots
Joined
Dec 16, 2004
Location
Hartford,Ct
Hi Jennifer you have so many great resources to use.
And just keep saying this to yourself too.
I trained myself to absolutely HATE online gambling
The "Quit Gambling Section" is a great place to start here.
We are all here to help you if you ever need us.
PH# 1855-222-5542
Gamblers Anonymous Meetings in Canada
www.gamblersanonymous.org
I wish you the very best for you to reach your goal.
Good Luck & stay strong
~T~
 

Tirilej

Still a Lady
CAG
MM
Joined
Apr 18, 2009
Location
Sweden
I remember when you started posting in this forum Jennifer.
You were a PITA! Questioning everything and the casinos cheated and lied, and we were accused of working at a casino as soon as we tried to explain anything to you.

You have come a long way since then, and I'm really happy for you. For what you have accomplished in that short time is worth to remember.
You have been given a great insight of you behaviour.
You don't want to go back, because you wouldn't be able to controll it. So don't!

I say the same as others. Please go to GA and talk to others, and close you account here.

Good luck with your new life:)
 

Jasminebed

Game old gal
Joined
Mar 13, 2008
Location
Ontario
What else is going on in your life? You don't have to answer here, just think about it. While it's admirable, I think you may have transferred some of the addiction to goals of getting fit and losing weight.

I don't know if you gamble offline. Is the urge to gamble, or to hide out with the computer? Sometimes no matter how positive change has been, we miss the comfort of our bad habits.

Another poster warned that you might lose your $25 and want to spend more to keep playing. I think it's a bigger risk you might win, and the adrenaline rush kicks back in. Sometimes it is worse when we are winning, especially since that is at best a short term thing. You've posted it was more the time and obsession with it rather than the money that prompted your decision to quit.

Keep in mind that if you closed accounts as a problem gambler, you might find any winnings voided.

By any chance do you have any photos of yourself at the time you were mired deep in your online addiction? If not, go back and read your past posts, they painted a pretty vivid picture of where it took you.

I must agree that you should ask to join the Quit Gambling group. We'll be here for you still.
 

Slotster!

I predict a riot.
CAG
Joined
Oct 17, 2004
Location
Location, Location!
There's a great BBC drama posted in the 'Quit Gambling' section (Moving On - Punter).

Whilst the storyline is a bit far-fetched, the gambling/compulsion aspect is played out really well.

Agreed with what others have said, unfortunately this could be your worst possible place to hang out - the Winners Screenshots thread alone is like mixing heroin with bubble wrap for the compulsive gambler...

Good luck, It's a cliche, but the fact you've admitted it's more than recreation for you is a massive massive step; that move in itself makes me think you'll be fine. :thumbsup:
 

anniemac

Ueber Meister
PABnoaccred
MM
Joined
Jan 30, 2007
Location
Texas, USA
Jennifer,

Here is a forum that might help - www.dailystrength.org. It's not just for gambling adiction, there are support groups for alot of different problems. The folks there are really great. While I haven't quit gambling, I have made a conscious decision to make it not a big part of my life anymore and this place helps.

I do alot of needlework, keeping hands and mind busy. I have just discovered that I can download a Cloud reader to my PC and read books thru Kindle. Now I will probably spend my gambling budget on books. LOL!

Good luck on your journey.
 

kauphy

Meister Member
Joined
Feb 23, 2007
Location
az
hi

hi i know its hard to stay clean.

the best way i know of that might help is finding someone who understands what you have been thought and i mean a real person that you

can talk to face to face.

so they can remind you of where you have been and how far you have come to get where you are now.

and if you can,t find a person to talk to then if i were you i would sit down and write down everything how you felt back then and how you feel now.

all the money that was lost and how it made you feel all the things you have gain since you stoped playing.

how proud people are of you since you stoped how proud of yourself you are.

just write down everything that comes to mind and go over it again and again to remind yourself why you stoped in the frist place and why you can,t go back.

then get out and take a walk or run until you can,t run anymore.

but know this sooner or later that feeling will go away you just have to stay strong:)

i,m rooting for you and know you can do it just say no.
 

Jennifer

Banned User - violation of <a href="http://www.cas
Joined
Oct 2, 2011
Location
canada
Well I read the posts here and I decided to make an appointment with a counsellor. I just called and said "I was wondering if I could come in and see someone and just have a talk". They were pretty cool and made room for me. You all need to understand that this is very unlike me. I usually try to conquer problems by myself but I figured there is no harm with just going in and having a chat.

I told them about my drive to quit and how I changed my lifestyle. They were quite impressed to say the least and they asked the same question Jasmine did "is there anything in your life going on" and they meant stressful/upsetting any sort of negative thing.

I explained how 2 weeks ago was the 1 year mark since my brother lost his 7 year old daughter. So she focused on that and once I started talking a lot came out especially a tonne of anger mixed with sadness. Another thing someone mentioned was something along the lines of "maybe its a dark place with your computer where you just want to escape". I think that could be it although it's one of things that you dont know until you talk about it with someone else. But in the end it all seemed to point that way. She asked what made me want to gamble in the past and sort of hide out and my response was "well some for the thrill but also to escape the real world when things got stressful"

Anyways Im not going to go on about my issues nobody wants to hear about other people's problems as Im sure you all have your own to deal with.

Thanks for taking the time to respond and I appreciate some of the kind words especially about me becoming a 'better' poster. I'll keep checking this thread for any new posts

p.s. I stopped reading the winners screenshots thread awhile ago as you're soooooooo right, reading that really gives you the itch to go and play

:thumbsup:
 

chayton

aka LooHoo
webmeister
PABnonaccred
CAG
Joined
Jun 5, 2006
Location
Edmonton Canada
Some good advice here - as a recovering addict myself (not gambling) I've been where you are. "Just one more little fling now that I know I can handle it" and then next thing you're right back in the hole you just dragged yourself out of. And maybe deeper. Remember how bad you felt when you decided to finally quit - and remember how proud you can be of everything you've accomplished since then. Keep your focus on all you've gained and keep moving forward. Good luck to you. :thumbsup:
 

EdieD

Dormant account
Joined
Jun 6, 2012
Location
u.s.
i think gambling sometimes fills a need in your life...usually boredom or thinking winning fills a void. Personally, I bought a new car and this has given me a very positive outlook and new energy that I didn't have before. I know I can pay for the car because I have a steady job and don't need to "win" the money playing online or landbased.

Usually people chase loses so why even get started again. Now is not a good time with all the casinos having problems paying winners, etc. Stay strong and keep doing the things you find enjoyable. Maybe buy yourself something new that is very meaninful to you. I know it sure helped me!
 

Jennifer

Banned User - violation of <a href="http://www.cas
Joined
Oct 2, 2011
Location
canada
Just an update. I have felt like playing a little bit over the past couple of weeks (just a little bit of interest) but I wanted to prove to myself I have self control. So every single time I got the urge id give it a boot in the ass. If I ever did play again it would be on my terms and not the addictions. I havent played in a very long time so a few days ago I had the urge to play for a good time and relax. No not stress, not risking a bunch of money or returning to my old form. Sure old habits can return but I think everything ive done has made me a different person over the last little bit. I have closed almost all of my online casino accounts (thought I closed them all but its not that easy I guess)

I havent deposited yet and actually I was given a $50 10x wagering bonus (3 weeks ago) that is just sitting in my account. I have not touched it or even really been tempted all that much. I may or may not play it in the coming days but again, it will be on my terms.

For the longest time ive HATED anything gambling. It made me a monster inside but slowly I came to realize it made me a better person in the long run. I have learned so much in the past few months it feels great.

So who knows maybe I will play or maybe I wont. It doesnt really matter to me anymore :)
 

wanda5

Full Member
Joined
Jul 30, 2003
Location
lala land
Congratulations on staying clean and I hope it lasts. I dont know that much about your situation but I thought I would share a little story with you b/c your gambling addiction may be stemming from something else.

My brother is an alcoholic and I did every kind of research I could to try to help him and actually found a solution and he has been clean and sober for 4 months, is back in school, happy and got his groove back.

What I learned in my research is that addictive personalities can sometimes come from something you are lacking...it can be your body/brains way of self medicating. For my brother I figured out that he has adhd...It just all made sense and with the help of my mom we got him to see a psychiatrist ....sure enough he tested positive for attention deficit disorder....as soon as he got on adhd meds his body no longer keeps telling him he needs to fill a void with instant satisfaction to feel better or happy.

I know this could be a completely different situation but I highly suggest being tested professionally...it certainly cant hurt. Something in your brain makes you feel like you need to gamble and with adhd, many people turn to shopping, alcohol, illegal drugs etc. Some people never know they have a disorder. If I can find the part of my research that explains it I will post it.

I wish you the very best to having a happy fulfilling life....everyone deserves that so be sure to remind yourself that you deserve it too.
 

BingoT

Nurses love to give shots
Joined
Dec 16, 2004
Location
Hartford,Ct
Just an update. I have felt like playing a little bit over the past couple of weeks (just a little bit of interest) but I wanted to prove to myself I have self control. So every single time I got the urge id give it a boot in the ass. If I ever did play again it would be on my terms and not the addictions. I havent played in a very long time so a few days ago I had the urge to play for a good time and relax. No not stress, not risking a bunch of money or returning to my old form. Sure old habits can return but I think everything ive done has made me a different person over the last little bit. I have closed almost all of my online casino accounts (thought I closed them all but its not that easy I guess)

I havent deposited yet and actually I was given a $50 10x wagering bonus (3 weeks ago) that is just sitting in my account. I have not touched it or even really been tempted all that much. I may or may not play it in the coming days but again, it will be on my terms.

For the longest time ive HATED anything gambling. It made me a monster inside but slowly I came to realize it made me a better person in the long run. I have learned so much in the past few months it feels great.

So who knows maybe I will play or maybe I wont. It doesnt really matter to me anymore :)

I am so Happy for you Jennifer.
Congratulations on staying clean.
I wish you the very best.
~T~
congratulations013.gif
 
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