Christmas Day - pain or pleasure?


Unofficial T&C's Editor
Staff member
May 22, 2012
the bus shelter, opposite GCHQ Benhall
So, how do people cope with the gilded cage that is Christmas Day? I kept a 24-hour diary this year.

Dunover's Dismal Diary of Despair 25/12/19

09:00 Wake up have the first coffee, feed cats and prepare for the kids' grand present opening. Tidy up wrapping, sit in lounge stopping cats from attacking the Xmas tree for an hour.

10:00 Not too bad yet, cats like the piles of wrapping paper on the floor rather than anything else.

10:30 Time to check the state of affairs for food, most of the prepping done last night anyway, missus prepares the table.

11:00 Mother in law turns up on doorstep. This is where it starts going downhill. Check the dishes of chocs, liquorice allsorts, wine gums and peanuts are filled. Missus' friend pops round, make myself scarce despite the fact I can hear her anyway whichever room I am in.

12:00 Check on meat, get veg on while ever other bugger dosses about stuffing down chocs and generally enjoying themselves, which makes me more miserable.

13:00 Grub's up, all cooked by me by the way, as the missus struggles with even a microwave meal. Compliments to the chef blah blah, same shit as last year. I can finally doss about in lounge while everyone else clears up and washes and dries. My only reward for 6 hours of kitchen work over last 2 days.

14:15 All retired to lounge, and missus gets her mother in from the doorstep. Small argument about turning up the heating to 15c ensues but I can't be arsed so 15c it is.

14:30 The adults' present opening ensues. I go to bathroom, place a couple of wooden cocktail sticks across the inside of my mouth to see if I can conjure up a rictus smile. When done with feigning sursprise I go out for a fag. Missus wonders where I've been when I reappear 10 minutes later. Tell her loudly I've been tidying garage putting this year's Meguars Alloy Wheel cleaner next to the 2018, 2017, 2016 and 2015 bottles in date order along with the car wax, sponges and shampoo. Get glared at when nobody's looking.

14:45 They are all in kitchen making coffee and I let rip in the lounge as it's the first chance I've had. They troop back in with the coffees and the missus gives me the evils but says nothing. This is the bit I dread - any time now the TV could go on and that pair of gibbering cretins could well appear, breaking me psychologically. Luckily they all chat but continue the same fucking stupid inter-generational conversation as last year, "Cooo doesn't she look like you Daz" and someone else pipes up "No, looks more like her mum I reckon..."
Unlucky for her.

15:30 So after hearing for the umpteenth time that X has got the same eyes as Great Uncle Jack or Y has the same nose as Great Granny Ermintrude I just want to scream "FUCK-OFF ALL OF YOU, JUST FUCK OFF!!"
But I sit staring vacantly at the huge piles of presents we bought people thinking how many Bonanza bonus rounds I could have had instead. I try and stay out of the facile conversation buzzing around me and to doze off, but no luck there.

16:45 Am climbing the walls with boredom now. There's no bloody escape, no football on, no nothing. I am very nearly in a catatonic state through torpor, am hot, full-up and am counting down the hours until bedtime.

17:00 Of course, it's the sodding Buffet at 18:00. The in-laws and missus do all that traditionally and get on with preparing it desite the fact that most of us feel like Mr. Creosote before he takes on that last chocolate.

18:00 Grubs up! So having given up telling the missus it's far too much each year, I get my plate and take one small sausage roll, a slice of ham and a few grapes. 18:45 95% of it is still left, and now the bastard fridge is going to be rammed with the stuff on clingfilmed plates for the next 4 days. Fucking brilliant.

19:00 Buffet's cleared away, I am in lounge reading on my Kindle. Now I know the TV is going on for sure. I'm yawning continuously and still the buggers won't leave, missus keeps offering them coffees and drinks just to spite me.

20:00 The guests finally have all pissed-off home and now comes the worst battle of the day. Seriously weakened by the combined effects of the previous hours, I know what is due me....

20:10 ....yep, sure as eggs is eggs, the TV is going on. I am now going to be force-fed Phlegmerdale, Abomination Street and even worse that terrible 'Call the Bloody Midwife' crap.
I say to the missus, who loves the latter snot-snivel fest, "Look, why watch it? You know the story will be some kids being born into poor houses, whereupon some previously despised local businessman will come in at the last minute and save their Christmases with an uncharacteristic cot buying spree, all will be rosy at the end and the old narrating Nun will drone on about some kind of godly munificence aspect to it all while you all weep uncontrollably" Get a grip woman!
I'm now getting the silent treatment.

21:15 I am close to mental breakdown. I revisit the garage and get an extension lead, then wander round the garden with a torch to see if any of the bare tree branches would take my weight. They are all spindly and thin though, so settle for a quick fag and go back inside.

23:00 Missus decides she's going up to bed, a glimmer of hope. I lie down on the sofa and find some documentary on TV about some ancient Egyptian temples I once visited. It'll soon be Boxing Day, sport will be back and hopefully they'll all go out spending their Christmas vouchers and money in the sales and leave me to it.

Santa, you're a frigging pain mate.
I imagine that’s a fairly accurate reflection of the majority of people’s thoughts and dealings with the day!!

Were u not tempted to do a quick £50 deposit when the Mrs went to bed? Start on £2 and nab ur usual 5/6 bonuses after recycling the money for 5 hours and withdraw a casual bag?
I imagine that’s a fairly accurate reflection of the majority of people’s thoughts and dealings with the day!!

Were u not tempted to do a quick £50 deposit when the Mrs went to bed? Start on £2 and nab ur usual 5/6 bonuses after recycling the money for 5 hours and withdraw a casual bag?

Funnily enough no, my head was cabbaged by then.

I did nearly do that on the night of the 23rd. though, a quick 50 in at Jackpot Joyless which resulted in 4 bonus rounds within 60 spins, the first one being 9 spins in. Was only playing 60p and the first paid 321x. Peaked at just over 200 and played for 4 hours, before resuming in the morning for another 3 hours and eventually busting out. The 50 deposit had 9 bonuses in total with 5 consecutive ones in the run paying less than 20x. So no cash-out.
Yes I’m currently on run of dreadful bonuses.
Nothing worse than seeing the opening few spins with the usual combination of scatters and gems randomly placed to prevent ur 526 ways of 9’s and A’s hitting fuck all.

As u watch the next few spins you realise within 10 seconds ur half way through the bonus and you’ve managed £1.24.

Is there a chance of something happening for the last 6 spins? Of course there isn’t and by the 12th spin still the meagre ways and rows of red and blue gems still litter the top reels you realise for the 5th bonus in a row ur not even gonna hear a tune after a bonus round. Just the slightly extended count up sample that u hear every 1,567 spins in the base game.

But you still soldier on hoping and praying that the next one in 2hrs time will be different.
I’m thinking of trying an old school AWP method of ‘plugging’ the game when you know the bonus is an inevitable ‘shitter’ after 3 spins just shut the game down.

Give it a few mins to let the server spew out some more trash to those who are unfortunate enough not to know the ‘clue’ in the bonus.

Fire her back up again and then by which time the server will assume you’ve fucked off with ur usual 15x and start coughing some genuine non gimped reel ways and symbols to get u back on track.

Best keep this method under wraps in a Christmas thread and out of the bonanza one so we can have it clean off until BTG get whiff of it and release a quick patch before I work out something else.

your welcome......
Ran the gauntlet of emotions this Xmas and in the end a coin toss whether it was good or bad. :p

Mom usually works Xmas so others can celebrate with their families and I'm all for it; I'm a big boy so I dont need to wake and tear pressies and love she sacrifices so others can enjoy
That being said, it's still a little bit sad.

Anyway, so a friend brought me to her family Christmas; I think as much for me as her so she had a built in excuse to leave any family drama :D

I basically sat around all day in dress clothes while they all tried to coordinate and got picked up by a carload of grumpiness because they all ran late sorting themselves and sat in a 2 hr car ride of seething pissiness waiting to explode somewhere, somehow.

Got there, and, well, basically helpeds sort everyone else's dinner because nothing was started, because people seemed to have forgotten you start things BEFORE guests, not when they arrive, because cooking for 20 people literally takes hours

anywho, everyone did a nice dirty santa gift exhange (you pick a pressie and next person can steal the previous or pick a new) and everyone seemed pleased with what they got.
My contribution was what appeared to be a ratty doormat so noone wanted it but had a CC hidden insde.

All the kids seemed to have had a blast and the adults all, for the most part, seemed to enjoy themselves, though you could see everyone was a kettle about to whistle :p

Being the only non-family member there felt out of place but kept myself busy, cooking, cleaning and spreading convos and cheer-ups and because I'm me, accommodating the 1/2 dozen dogs for attention, putting them out for pees etc.

My family is weird and peachy - we dont ever really fight or argue so was interesting looking in at how others celebrate and the strange dynamics.

Listened to a few bitch sessions ride home and was happy to come home to my simple routine with my dogs :D

Sour note was, my packed backback with bottle got booted around, so a 40oz bottle soaked my phone and tablet, still now both sitting in rice but pooched, so ya, that made it a very expensive night to the tune of 1k plus

But it was all...very interesting. I wouldn't do it again lol, but it was...different :)
Wow, should I feel guilty for enjoying mine... lol! I totally loved this Christmas. In ln-laws either dead or banned so no bitching n belittling. Vege but oh eats meat so no big dinner nightmare, just skip the main part. Took my little one 3 hours to get through her presents so lots of me time smoking in the garage. Indeed. almost watching the Christmas Chronicles again was the low point of my day, but, thankfully the TV is high up so I can sit at my PC n spin on the sly, whilst watching.
Depo'd 30 at Betsafe over a week ago and still going strong, 400+ as I type, no depo at VS but managed the wagering for battles on free spin wins, 150+ there too.
New Year is my nightmare to come, anti climax of the year, I don't drink, but I got a bottle of Baileys for xmas, so who knows, it may even be bearable possibly wearable if I crack open the Baileys.
Well wishes to all for the year to come... Hugs to all :)

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