Change of mind for Bush???

winbig

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Joined
Mar 10, 2005
Location
Pennsylvania
OMG This is great. Forget where I found it, but enjoy ;)

I thought it'd be fine in the jokes section, but figured it'd go over better here :p

ps: The last few paragraphs are the best :D

WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND
HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE
THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?


My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of
Iraq regime has been completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money
on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal
of all American forces from Iraq. This action will
be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the
reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the
names of countries which have stood by our side
during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The
United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria , Australia , and
Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first
list. Most of the world's nations are on that list.
My press secretary will be distributing copies of
both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately,
foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases
immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during
the first year alone will pretty much pay for the
costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour
money into third world Hell-holes and watch those
government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic?
Call France .

In the future, together with Congress, I will work
to redirect this money toward solving the vexing
social problems we still have at home. On that note,
a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and
we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your
friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try
France , or maybe China .

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic
relations with France , Germany , and Russia .
Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring
from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to
begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located
in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking
tickets to sites where those vehicles will be
stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about
whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have
tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those
tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes,
Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the
finest chop shops in the world. I love New York

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List
2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of
each other, you folks might want to try not pissing
us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his
entire corrupt government really need an attitude
adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and
infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am
going to put em? Yep, border security. So start
doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the
NAFTA treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately,
we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will
take care of this country's oil needs for decades to
come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this
decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a
country and move there. They care.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare
and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of
isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn
tootin."
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a
decent life around the world has only earned us the
undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet.
It is time to eliminate hunger in America . It is
time to eliminate homelessness in America . It is
time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America . To
the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys.
We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought:
You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America . Thank you and good night.

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading
it in English, thank a soldier.
 

frufrugirl

Dormant account
Joined
Jul 19, 2006
Location
NorthWest USA
WOW...its pretty funny...but powerful!

on that last section about countries on list number 2 learning to speak arabic..they should add "and spanish"

" Thanks:)
 

winbig

Keep winning this amount.
Joined
Mar 10, 2005
Location
Pennsylvania
I just thought of a new acronym for NAFTA. I really think this is what it should be:

NOT ANOTHER FUCKING TRADE AGREEMENT!!

:D

Sorry for my french, but that's how I feel about these bullshit free trade agreements. I really hope we get a president in '08 that will encourage businesses to KEEP JOBS IN THE USA, instead of allowing companies tax incentives, etc for outsourcing their work to foreign countries.
 

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