Chance Hill CM EXCLUSIVE - Christmas Promo

My joke was terrible today...10 spins. I won £10 from it though so at least I am smiling even though I couldn't do the same for the host. :D

"A squirrel is relaxing in his tree when all of a sudden it starts to shake violently.

He looks outside and sees an elephant climbing the tree.

The squirrel says "Hey elephant, what are you doing?"

The elephant replies "I'm climbing this tree to eat some pears!"

"You dummy," says the squirrel, "this is a pine tree... there's no pears up here."

The elephant says "I know, I brought my own!"
 
My joke was terrible today...10 spins. I won £10 from it though so at least I am smiling even though I couldn't do the same for the host. :D

"A squirrel is relaxing in his tree when all of a sudden it starts to shake violently.

He looks outside and sees an elephant climbing the tree.

The squirrel says "Hey elephant, what are you doing?"

The elephant replies "I'm climbing this tree to eat some pears!"

"You dummy," says the squirrel, "this is a pine tree... there's no pears up here."

The elephant says "I know, I brought my own!"

yeah that is pretty bad :D

Heres a couple of bad one liners I thought about using but decided they just didn't cut it.

I had a really strange dream last night in which I just kept repeating, 'Hobbit, Hobbit, Hobbit!' My wife said I was Tolkien in my sleep.

My laptop won't stop playing 'rolling in the deep' so I rang PC World. They said "what make is it" and I said "It's a Dell"

Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite – All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary

wife texts her husband on a cold winters morning..."windows frozen" husband texts back "pour some warm water over it" wife texts back 5 mins later "computers totally f....d now"

Been with my girlfriend 6 years now, the other night she asked when I last had sex with someone other than her. I told her it was back in 09, sounds better than September

I told my girlfriend she'd drawn her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised.

I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage. The zoo keeper told me it was 'bread in captivity'.

Went to the Doctors today complaining of strange voices coming from my underpants. The Doctor said, "ignore them, they're talking bollocks"
 
I have the best joke of the year and then their live chat is not available?? :what: not impressed with a 9.2 rating you would think they were 24 hours? I can see states livechat open until 12:30 CET I assume its at night and not afternoon.

Also I had account that was opened way back September 2016 and suddenly not able to login and says email not existing when trying to recover password. Had no notifications through email and last email i received was 21 July 2016. So yeah not lot of positive words from me sorry but just very frustrating when this expires tomorrow and I have no chance of having account sorted and also reaching live chat support when they are not available But will try email instead now... :(
 
I have the best joke of the year and then their live chat is not available?? :what: not impressed with a 9.2 rating you would think they were 24 hours? I can see states livechat open until 12:30 CET I assume its at night and not afternoon.

Also I had account that was opened way back September 2016 and suddenly not able to login and says email not existing when trying to recover password. Had no notifications through email and last email i received was 21 July 2016. So yeah not lot of positive words from me sorry but just very frustrating when this expires tomorrow and I have no chance of having account sorted and also reaching live chat support when they are not available But will try email instead now... :(

No worries, just message your joke and they'll respond by email - got my fs twice that way as I am a night owl:D
 
No worries, just message your joke and they'll respond by email - got my fs twice that way as I am a night owl:D

haha nice one you should win it then if the double up counts :D :p sorry i got so negative in my post i promise i will do a nice positive post when i got it sorted just find it strange its not online.

Here is a little taster to get you guys going :p:lolup:

Three fathers are talking about their sons. The first father says, "my sons a successful doctor. He's so rich, he just bought his best friend a Lamborghini".

The second father said, "my sons a successful hedge fund manager. He's so rich, he just bought his best friend a yacht".

The third father says, "my sons the CEO of a big company. He's so rich he just bought his best friend a castle".

Right then, a fourth father walks in and asks what they're talking about. The other three fathers say, "we're talking about our successful sons, what does yours do?"

The fouth father says, "well my sons a gay stripper." The other three fathers say, "oh wow, you must be really disappointed." The fourth father replies with, "well not really, he's doing really well. His three boyfriends just bought him a Lamborghini, a yacht, and a castle."
 
Wot? They're great!

Here is one for you mate I think u will like :D

I might have to remove it please let me know everyone if its a bit over the edge. I did have another one but will leave that out from here let me know if want it in a PM haha

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."
The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."
He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"
The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"
 
Here is one for you mate I think u will like :D

I might have to remove it please let me know everyone if its a bit over the edge. I did have another one but will leave that out from here let me know if want it in a PM haha

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."
The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."
He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"
The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"

super prize.png

GOATWACK SEAL OF APPROVAL
 
Here is one for you mate I think u will like :D

I might have to remove it please let me know everyone if its a bit over the edge. I did have another one but will leave that out from here let me know if want it in a PM haha

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."
The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."
He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"
The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"

That joke had so much edge I nearly bit my tongue off laughing.

A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and says "I hope the porn is disabled."

The guy at the desk replies. "It's just regular porn you sick fuck."
 
Two deaf people get married and during the first week of marriage they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out since they can't see each other signing, or read lips.

After several nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution.

She writes a note to her husband:

"Honey, Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time.

If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast two times. "

The husband thinks this is a great idea. He writes back to his wife That if she wants to have sex with him, reach over and pull on his penis one time. If she doesn't want to have sex, pull on his penis two hundred and fifty times.
 
ok so final days joke, this was adapted as Green is a Spurs fan. Got 26 spins for this one

A primary schoolteacher explains to her class that she is a Arsenal fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they too, are Arsenal fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says,
"Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?
"Because I'm not a Arsenal fan, " she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well if you are not a Arsenal fan, then who are you a fan of?
"I am a Spurs fan and proud of it, " Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why are you a Spurs fan? "
"Because my mum is a Spurs fan, and my dad is a Spurs fan, so I'm a Spurs fan too!"
"Well, " said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a Spurs fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?
Mary smiled, and said...............
"then I'd be a Arsenal fan"

If he wasn't into football I was going to use this one

a scotsman and his nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem when the wife died suddenly,
the undertaker said if you bury her here it's only £50, but to take her home would cost £5000, the husband said i'll take her home, but sir if you bury her here you will save four and half grand
the husband said listen here pal, a long long time a go a man called Jesus was buried here, and 3 days later he rose from the dead...I'm taking her home!

which I gave him after, and said he thought was better, so as usual my luck is great haha
 
38 fs :)

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. All he needed to do was somehow get to the airport, and then he'd be home-free.
So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home. He offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc...
The cabbie said, ''If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!''
So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.
The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.
The businessman got in the first cab in the line, ''How much for a ride to the airport,'' he asked?
''Fifteen bucks,'' came the reply.
''And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?''
''What?! Get the hell out of my cab.''
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, ''How much for a ride to the airport?''
The cabbie replied, ''Fifteen bucks.''
The businessman said, ''OK,'' and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each of the other drivers.

016cc059.jpg016cc060.jpg

"The best one"!
Please, please, don't tell a better joke today! :D
 
38 fs :)

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. All he needed to do was somehow get to the airport, and then he'd be home-free.
So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home. He offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc...
The cabbie said, ''If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!''
So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.
The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.
The businessman got in the first cab in the line, ''How much for a ride to the airport,'' he asked?
''Fifteen bucks,'' came the reply.
''And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?''
''What?! Get the hell out of my cab.''
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, ''How much for a ride to the airport?''
The cabbie replied, ''Fifteen bucks.''
The businessman said, ''OK,'' and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each of the other drivers.

View attachment 73803View attachment 73804

"The best one"!
Please, please, don't tell a better joke today! :D

You had our agent laughing for 5 minutes straight!! :lolup:
 
Demo v real play mode.

A Casinomeister forum member dies and he arrives at the entrance to the afterlife. On his left is the gate to heaven. On his right, the gate to hell.

Petrus says to him: “We have a problem Colin We don’t know what to do with you. So you may choose for yourself between heaven and hell.”

Col peeks into heaven and sees a couple of old men seated around a table. Col peeks into hell and hears loud rock and roll music and sees a bar, several beautiful women, people having sex, and most important, people gambling.

“I want to go to hell!” says Col, whereupon he is immediately thrown into the fire.

“Hey!” Col screams. “What the hell is this? You promised me gambling, women and sex!”

The devil says: “Yeah but that was just a demo version.”
 
20 spins today.

"Three Scots and three Irishmen are traveling by train to a conference. At the station,
the three Irishmen each buy tickets and watch as the three Scots buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an Irishman.

"Watch and you'll see," answers a Scot. They all board the train. The Irishmen take their
respective seats but all three Scots cram into a bathroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.
He knocks on the bathroom door and says,"Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and
a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The Irishmen see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the
Irishmen decide to copy the Scots on the return trip and save some money (being clever
with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the
return trip. To their astonishment, the Scots don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you
going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed Irishman. Watch and you'll see,"
answers a Scot.

When they board the train the three Irishmen cram into a bathroom and the
three Scots cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of
the Scots leaves his bathroom and walks over to the bathroom where the Irishmen are hiding.
He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."
 
I prefer this one:
An Irish man, an English man, a Scots man and a Welsh man were all on an airplane together when one of the engines fails.
The pilot explains the situation to the all of the passengers. He tells them if someone doesn't jump out they will all be dead.
He asks who is prepared to die for the greater good, adding that they will be remembered as a hero forever.
The brave Scots man says 'Ok then, i will do this for the glory of my country' and jumps out.
The pilot turns around and tells the remaining passengers that the plane is still going down and someone else must do the right thing.
The Welsh man tells every one that as he is the oldest out of all the passengers, he will take the plunge, so he jumps out .
Again the pilot turns around and says, its helping but we need 1 more to jump for the rest of the passengers to survive.
So the Irish man says 'well I hoped it wouldn't come to this, but I will do this for the greater good and for the glory of my country.
So he grabs the English man and throws him out the door.
 
Demo v real play mode.

A Casinomeister forum member dies and he arrives at the entrance to the afterlife. On his left is the gate to heaven. On his right, the gate to hell.

Petrus says to him: “We have a problem Colin We don’t know what to do with you. So you may choose for yourself between heaven and hell.”

Col peeks into heaven and sees a couple of old men seated around a table. Col peeks into hell and hears loud rock and roll music and sees a bar, several beautiful women, people having sex, and most important, people gambling.

“I want to go to hell!” says Col, whereupon he is immediately thrown into the fire.

“Hey!” Col screams. “What the hell is this? You promised me gambling, women and sex!”

The devil says: “Yeah but that was just a demo version.”

I offered cs the same joke a few days ago, funny!
 
WINNER

Here’s the winner of Chance Hill’s Festive Joke Tournament!

It’s time to wrap up our Joke Tournament. This week was definitely a blast for our support and we hope that for you guys as well. Loads of good jokes, loads of free spins. Chance Hill wants to thank all of you for taking the time to cheer up one of our chat agents, we are glad to know that we have players with a great sense of humor.
And now it’s time to announce the winner… This one goes to nikantw, congrats! You have your early Christmas gift waiting in your balance. 50€ WAGER FREE!

Will you also laugh for 5 minutes straight as our chat agent did?

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. All he needed to do was somehow get to the airport, and then he'd be home-free.
So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home. He offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc...
The cabbie said, ''If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!''
So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.
The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.
The businessman got in the first cab in the line, ''How much for a ride to the airport,'' he asked?
''Fifteen bucks,'' came the reply.
''And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?''
''What?! Get the hell out of my cab.''
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, ''How much for a ride to the airport?''
The cabbie replied, ''Fifteen bucks.''
The businessman said, ''OK,'' and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each of the other drivers.
 
Here’s the winner of Chance Hill’s Festive Joke Tournament!

It’s time to wrap up our Joke Tournament. This week was definitely a blast for our support and we hope that for you guys as well. Loads of good jokes, loads of free spins. Chance Hill wants to thank all of you for taking the time to cheer up one of our chat agents, we are glad to know that we have players with a great sense of humor.

And now it’s time to announce the winner… This one goes to nikantw, congrats! You have your early Christmas gift waiting in your balance. 50€ WAGER FREE!

Thank you so much for this great and so fun promo. Really enjoyed it, lots of fun with the jokes and lots of game play, not to mention the prize, 50€ WAGER FREE!

Had to try some new games, balance down to 0, but I will certainly come back for more soon. :)
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Meister Ratings

Back
Top