- Joined
- Mar 13, 2008
- Location
- Ontario
I want to gamble today more than any day I can recall recently.
I want to escape into it. Not just enjoy it the way I normally do, or chase losses hoping for the save the way I used to, and occasionally do.
Not seek the big hit for the thrill of it, or get what points I can in a race or promo.
Just to shut out my life. And I haven't felt that like for a long time.
All my time here at CM, I've always identified myself as an at-risk gambler.
I've been gambling less, enjoying it more over the past few weeks. My life and budget are coming back to reality. I've made some smaller withdrawals that let a week's budget become over 2 weeks, and mostly played to my fill with that.
I'm struggling with some health issues myself, but one of my closest friends today came to tell me she has cancer. More tests are upcoming, and I was wonderful and supportive and funny and practical and cried with her too.
She washed my arse when I was too ill do so when I was sent home after surgery. We've been single moms, moms of teens, through death of family and 30 years of friendship.
Whatever battles she faces, I'm there for her.
It's still private at this stage, I'm glad she trusts me to bring this to me. I have here permission to post here about it.
I do not know if I will go load my card and play or not yet.
I do know that's one of my big risks is emotional upset, and the engrossment you can experience.
I also know this will not be the only day like this.
The fact that I have a pretty large cashout on it's way to my bank also means I can fiscally "afford" it, or use what I have budgeted for this weekend's play in advance.
I have a lot of alcohol, but I figured out that's not the healthiest way to avoid pain long ago. At least slotting does not hurt your liver.
I want to escape into it. Not just enjoy it the way I normally do, or chase losses hoping for the save the way I used to, and occasionally do.
Not seek the big hit for the thrill of it, or get what points I can in a race or promo.
Just to shut out my life. And I haven't felt that like for a long time.
All my time here at CM, I've always identified myself as an at-risk gambler.
I've been gambling less, enjoying it more over the past few weeks. My life and budget are coming back to reality. I've made some smaller withdrawals that let a week's budget become over 2 weeks, and mostly played to my fill with that.
I'm struggling with some health issues myself, but one of my closest friends today came to tell me she has cancer. More tests are upcoming, and I was wonderful and supportive and funny and practical and cried with her too.
She washed my arse when I was too ill do so when I was sent home after surgery. We've been single moms, moms of teens, through death of family and 30 years of friendship.
Whatever battles she faces, I'm there for her.
It's still private at this stage, I'm glad she trusts me to bring this to me. I have here permission to post here about it.
I do not know if I will go load my card and play or not yet.
I do know that's one of my big risks is emotional upset, and the engrossment you can experience.
I also know this will not be the only day like this.
The fact that I have a pretty large cashout on it's way to my bank also means I can fiscally "afford" it, or use what I have budgeted for this weekend's play in advance.
I have a lot of alcohol, but I figured out that's not the healthiest way to avoid pain long ago. At least slotting does not hurt your liver.