Gambling as an avoidance drug.

[Jasminebed]

I want to gamble today more than any day I can recall recently.

I want to escape into it. Not just enjoy it the way I normally do, or chase losses hoping for the save the way I used to, and occasionally do.

Not seek the big hit for the thrill of it, or get what points I can in a race or promo.

Just to shut out my life. And I haven't felt that like for a long time.

All my time here at CM, I've always identified myself as an at-risk gambler.

I've been gambling less, enjoying it more over the past few weeks. My life and budget are coming back to reality. I've made some smaller withdrawals that let a week's budget become over 2 weeks, and mostly played to my fill with that.

I'm struggling with some health issues myself, but one of my closest friends today came to tell me she has cancer. More tests are upcoming, and I was wonderful and supportive and funny and practical and cried with her too.

She washed my arse when I was too ill do so when I was sent home after surgery. We've been single moms, moms of teens, through death of family and 30 years of friendship.

Whatever battles she faces, I'm there for her.

It's still private at this stage, I'm glad she trusts me to bring this to me. I have here permission to post here about it.

I do not know if I will go load my card and play or not yet.

I do know that's one of my big risks is emotional upset, and the engrossment you can experience.

I also know this will not be the only day like this.

The fact that I have a pretty large cashout on it's way to my bank also means I can fiscally "afford" it, or use what I have budgeted for this weekend's play in advance.

I have a lot of alcohol, but I figured out that's not the healthiest way to avoid pain long ago. At least slotting does not hurt your liver.

 

[dunover]

I want to gamble today more than any day I can recall recently.

I want to escape into it. Not just enjoy it the way I normally do, or chase losses hoping for the save the way I used to, and occasionally do.

Not seek the big hit for the thrill of it, or get what points I can in a race or promo.

Just to shut out my life. And I haven't felt that like for a long time.

All my time here at CM, I've always identified myself as an at-risk gambler.

I've been gambling less, enjoying it more over the past few weeks. My life and budget are coming back to reality. I've made some smaller withdrawals that let a week's budget become over 2 weeks, and mostly played to my fill with that.

I'm struggling with some health issues myself, but one of my closest friends today came to tell me she has cancer. More tests are upcoming, and I was wonderful and supportive and funny and practical and cried with her too.

She washed my arse when I was too ill do so when I was sent home after surgery. We've been single moms, moms of teens, through death of family and 30 years of friendship.

Whatever battles she faces, I'm there for her.

It's still private at this stage, I'm glad she trusts me to bring this to me. I have here permission to post here about it.

I do not know if I will go load my card and play or not yet.

I do know that's one of my big risks is emotional upset, and the engrossment you can experience.

I also know this will not be the only day like this.

The fact that I have a pretty large cashout on it's way to my bank also means I can fiscally "afford" it, or use what I have budgeted for this weekend's play in advance.

I have a lot of alcohol, but I figured out that's not the healthiest way to avoid pain long ago. At least slotting does not hurt your liver.

No, but you can spend a week blotto for less than a few spins on the slots so it can hurt you far worse financially.

Touching and frank post though and the one thing I will say is that this moment is possibly the WORST time to consider gambling! Your mindset can be affected to excuse slotting and losing money by trivializing it in relation to the seriousness of the other events you've mentioned. In other words escapism is a bad reason to gamble as now is a time when you'll start thinking "...it's only money" and that could end up badly for you.

I would reverse that thought and transform it into a different reasoning, along the lines of "Why am I doing this for my pleasure when somebody needs me?"

I sincerely hope your friend is OK and you don't have the added misery of losses at the back of your mind when dealing with that issue. Be strong!

 

[Harry_BKK]

Hi Jazzy, tough situation and moment in life.

As with all addictive activities, such as alcohol, drugs and of course gambling, the "relief" is only very temporarily and that will only lead to your body asking for more "relief". Question is then at what point will it transform from "relief" activity to real and dangerous addiction, possibly destructive.

Everyone probably experiences such or similar moments at some point in life where we just want to let our hair down and hope that what we are doing for a few hours, be it getting drunk or gambling, will make us feel better or forget for a period about the incident/situation/news to give us more time to learn how to deal with it. But it mostly doesn't help, it all comes back with more force.

Personally, I did it in the past and I can tell you from that experience that it won't help.

Wishing your friend all the best and you the strength to come to terms with the news.

 

[Jasminebed]

Thank you Dunover.

It truly helps me figure my own self out to post about such issues, and it's not always talked about.

I have limits in place to stop myself from over spending, always have.

And before I could truly decide, another friend texted me "Can I come visit? I need to see you."

So I say yes of course.

We have a mutual friend in hospital, I was going to phone him on the weekend to ask.

Like many people, especially grumpy and doomy people, he has few friends to truly talk to.

But he's interested in drinking all my booze while pouring his heart out.

I had a couple to keep him company, but I know that's not the best path for me, plus he's a miserable prick drunk. So I told him time to go.

I'm also that kind of gal.

You are welcome to come back if you leave gracefully when asked.

He acted all hurt, but I think it was possibly a manipulative ploy. He's been thrown out before, not because of misbehaviour, sometime I just have other things to do.

By now I'm too physically and emotionally exhausted to go load my card.

But I still wish I could go play
I could, OLG has seen none of my weekly limit.

But their slots do not give me the escapist experience I crave.

Thank all of you who read this, it's very very helpful to me to talk this way.

I truly love gambling, I never want it to be out of control enough to stop entirely.

Pretty fond of alcohol too, don't want to be addicted to it either.

In less than an hour, I can't call a cab and load my card. Today I am safe from myself.

 

[Jasminebed]

Hi Jazzy, tough situation and moment in life.

As with all addictive activities, such as alcohol, drugs and of course gambling, the "relief" is only very temporarily and that will only lead to your body asking for more "relief". Question is then at what point will it transform from "relief" activity to real and dangerous addiction, possibly destructive.

Everyone probably experiences such or similar moments at some point in life where we just want to let our hair down and hope that what we are doing for a few hours, be it getting drunk or gambling, will make us feel better or forget for a period about the incident/situation/news to give us more time to learn how to deal with it. But it mostly doesn't help, it all comes back with more force.

Personally, I did it in the past and I can tell you from that experience that it won't help.

Wishing your friend all the best and you the strength to come to terms with the news.

Thanks my friend. Having people to talk to truly helps.

It's why I'm there for so many people, as best I can be.

A fairly short time ago, it was tough to get out of the habit of playing daily. I found I enjoyed it more, win or lose, when I had it less frequently.

But I'd be lying to you, me, and a whole olot of people if I said I was never an addicted gambler.

Maybe I'm still and addict with harm reduction in place, but overall I don't think I am, or not to the point I can't be in enouch control.

And I would like to keep it that way.

To acknowledge and recognize our own risk factors and triggers is not a bad thing in any way.

I also want a Diet Coke. But that would cost the same cab fare, maybe a little more as loading my card.

There are some downsides to a wholesome life. Not as many as upsides, but I think the downs must be as powerful motivator for gambling. Sometimes even more powerful.

 

[Steviedoo]

i'm sorry about your friend.
hopefully you've overcome the urge to gamble so you can numb your pain.....and have been careful with the gambling tonite.

thank you for sharing....very brave of you.

 

[nikantw]

I wish for the best for you and your friend.
I think gambling is a dangerous activity, like high speed racing, something one should always do with clear head. Easier said than done, I know. So when head is not clear, better stay away and do something else you enjoy. Like a movie, or a short trip.