Not my brother's keeper

[rena35]

I have two brothers who i fear will ride me until there is nothing else left. Both are in and out of jail, won't own up to there wrong doings and expect the world owes them something. I have my own problems and just want peace. My daily routine is to get up, drink my coffee and play slots until nap. Go out if i absolutely have to..dr appt. grocery's etc. Just be at peace. I enjoy my life and it makes me happy. What does not make me happy is to have to be the nurse, counselor, shelter, soup kitchen and bank for my two despondent brothers. Last night my brother who is currently staying with me asked me for money. He will not help with anything including the trash or unloading grocery's. I told him to leave me be and he got mad. He told me how i was heartless and cold. He told me how he wished i would die. It hurts. I can not get those words out of my head. I have not even grieved properly for my oldest brother who was a veteran and passed after Easter or my dog of 15 years who passed along with him. My oldest brother would have put a stop to it all. Now i feel like they have them a nice little victim and remind me daily it is my job to help them. They also say I better treat them good in case they die. I am feed up and thinking about moving out of the house i love to get some peace. I want them to not know where i live because they will come and it will be a vicious cycle again. Would it be wrong of me to turn my back on my brothers

 

[Borgie]

I have two brothers who i fear will ride me until there is nothing else left. Both are in and out of jail, won't own up to there wrong doings and expect the world owes them something. I have my own problems and just want peace. My daily routine is to get up, drink my coffee and play slots until nap. Go out if i absolutely have to..dr appt. grocery's etc. Just be at peace. I enjoy my life and it makes me happy. What does not make me happy is to have to be the nurse, counselor, shelter, soup kitchen and bank for my two despondent brothers. Last night my brother who is currently staying with me asked me for money. He will not help with anything including the trash or unloading grocery's. I told him to leave me be and he got mad. He told me how i was heartless and cold. He told me how he wished i would die. It hurts. I can not get those words out of my head. I have not even grieved properly for my oldest brother who was a veteran and passed after Easter or my dog of 15 years who passed along with him. My oldest brother would have put a stop to it all. Now i feel like they have them a nice little victim and remind me daily it is my job to help them. They also say I better treat them good in case they die. I am feed up and thinking about moving out of the house i love to get some peace. I want them to not know where i live because they will come and it will be a vicious cycle again. Would it be wrong of me to turn my back on my brothers

No it isn't wrong. They are showing no respect for you and to say that you need to treat them good in case you die is a wicked thing to say.

If it means moving and hiding away from them I would do it tbh to have your peace.

If you cant put them out of the house you currently live in I would move

 

[lockinlove]

List of rules to implement.

#1. Get a job
#2. Pay 50% of the bills
#3. No crime or police at your place
#4. Respect you and your house
#5. Help with the chores.

Give them a time frame for the job/bills.

If they dont abide by them, find a shelter and make sure they can take them and kick them the hell out with the address of the place.

Sometimes a person needs to hit rock bottom and not be babied before they will start changing.

They say that family is there for each other no matter what. Are they being there for you by freeloading, being disrespectful and causing stress? Nope.

 

[Dinahnana]

I have two brothers who i fear will ride me until there is nothing else left. Both are in and out of jail, won't own up to there wrong doings and expect the world owes them something. I have my own problems and just want peace. My daily routine is to get up, drink my coffee and play slots until nap. Go out if i absolutely have to..dr appt. grocery's etc. Just be at peace. I enjoy my life and it makes me happy. What does not make me happy is to have to be the nurse, counselor, shelter, soup kitchen and bank for my two despondent brothers. Last night my brother who is currently staying with me asked me for money. He will not help with anything including the trash or unloading grocery's. I told him to leave me be and he got mad. He told me how i was heartless and cold. He told me how he wished i would die. It hurts. I can not get those words out of my head. I have not even grieved properly for my oldest brother who was a veteran and passed after Easter or my dog of 15 years who passed along with him. My oldest brother would have put a stop to it all. Now i feel like they have them a nice little victim and remind me daily it is my job to help them. They also say I better treat them good in case they die. I am feed up and thinking about moving out of the house i love to get some peace. I want them to not know where i live because they will come and it will be a vicious cycle again. Would it be wrong of me to turn my back on my brothers

I don't know your brothers situation, ie are they using drugs or alcohol but given that they are in and out of jail I would think that one of these would be in play. To me saying that he wishes you would die would be construed as a threat so if they are on probation or parole I would call their p.o. and tell them whats going on.

If that is not the case then I would kick him out of the house and change the locks. If you own your house and are in a good financial situation you could sell your house and move and not give a forwarding address. Better yet move to a new state if you can and get away from all that negativity.

That way you could live in peace and let them fend for themselves. Knowing that they have you to fall back on could be enabling them to continue to be losers and sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom for change to occur. Personally I think turning your back on your brothers could be the best thing for them if not definitely it would be the best thing for you.

 

[Jono777]

I wasn't sure whether to contribute to this thread or not as I want to be helpful but also respectful at the same time.

I worked for a long part of my last role as a mentor/counselling type role, one factor I kept seeing again and again is stories and situations when my clients relations were getting nasty, more and more out of character and demanding one thing or another continually.

Most of the time (and I've had this happen with close friends too) when the 'subject' (for want of much better words ) couldn't get their own way nine times out of ten it turned out that they were addicted (and strongly addicted at that) to something or another.

As Osulle mentioned drugs and alcohol are the main two culprits.

Its a lot more difficult when it is family and not as it was in my case simply a 'client' however this may sound cold but I feel unless you take a strong stubborn stance, things will only get worse.

I wish you the best of luck moving forward!

 

[rena35]

Specifically said and i quote.. I hope you take too much heart medicine and die you mean old b***h. He claims he doesn't remember saying it. When he drinks he is very mean. The one currently serving time for stealing my oldest son's car and gun
(my son is an assistant manager for a finance company and needs the gun for protection when he drops large sums of money at the bank or cashes out large sums to loan. The gun is registered and he has a license for it. I don't like guns but understand the need for one.) is on drugs. The one that is here, occasionally does drugs but is more of an alcoholic.


Jono777 I actually spoke to a counselor who says the same thing basically. I do not need counseling i need to cut ties and let go. Other family members have already changed addresses and let go.

 

[sapit222]

Sounds awful that your own brothers doesnt respect you and your wishes.
They are the ones that turned their backs on you.

Even if they are alcoholics or drug users, its no excuse.
Its their own choice. Addiction changes the personality.

I also have family members that are alcoholics sadly, so i know a little bit about it.

If its your house, kick them out and get a restraining order on both of them.

If you dont own the house, move if you can.
To an other city or state and make sure they/no one knows where your new place is.

Live your own life and be as happy as you can.

 

[Tirilej]

I've been where you are now Rena. I don't know how many times I threw my brother out.
Even though I worked with addicts myself knowing all about it, then when it comes to family it's so very tough to say no. Eventually he took an overdose and got brain damaged, then killed eight years later. I miss my brother, not the addict he became.
I know what you're going through and I really feel for you.

Say no, kick them out of your life completely. Don't let them destroy your life! You have NO obligation to take care of them, but you do have an obligation to take care of yourself and your children. Respect is earned and not a birthright. Choose to do the right thing!

 

[Jasminebed]

Rena, I think you are here asking for confirmation to do what you already know you need to do.

You do need to either kick your brother out or move yourself.

Although you said you don't need counselling, I'm going to suggest you go to Al-Anon. It's not easy to reach these decisions, to implement them and to stay strong to keep to the new regime.

Pretty hard to cut off all ties with family however. I think I'd at least be contactable by phone. You can hang up a phone a lot easier than deal with someone face-to-face if they are drunk or abusive. And don't hesitate to do so, and respond to all requests for any money with a resounding NO. If that doesn't work out well, it's not too difficult to change phone numbers.

 

[weesie]

Rena,

So sorry to hear you are going through this. They can put you through hell if you let them.

My older sister and I get the same type of bullshit from our other sister. Only she lives several states

away and lucky for us, not even close by.

It is nothing for her to call or message on FB that she is in dire need of such-n-such and we are her

only hope.

You are in no condition to deal with these "terrorists", yes, I said "terrorists", because that is what

they are doing to you.

Get restraining orders if you have to. You shouldn't have to move from YOUR home but it may be

necessary for your own safety.

As usual, dear lady, my thoughts are with you.

weesie aka "Lioness"