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Thread: Move over Roulette dude...

  1. #1
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    Move over Roulette dude...

    In light of what we just saw in Vegas over the weekend, I have decided to go the Roulette goon one better in the hope that some reputable (or not) wagering hole will offer me a gig. As of noon today EDT and in the hope of recouping some of my losses due to a 20 year investment gone bad, I will be auctioning off my eldest daughter on Ebay and I will be using the proceeds from the sale to let it all ride on one hand of Black Jack. The Ebay ad will look something like this…

    For sale, one 20 year old, blonde haired, green eyed female.
    Qualifications: Blonde Hair, Green Eyes
    Skills: Extremely efficient in the use of the pronouns I, my, me, mine. Also well versed
    In confusing the words ‘want’ and ‘need’. Does not do floors, dishes, toilets or
    Windows. Hasn’t the slightest clue how to vacuum or polish. Is clueless in the
    Proper use of a washing machine, clothes dryer or iron. Is, however, very adept at
    Using a hair dryer to its ultimate demise, the application of mascara and eye
    Shadow. Her greatest skill is the ability to spend money, especially that money
    She does not earn. She has been known to actually burn out cell phones. Holds
    The North American record for most words spoken about herself without the
    Faintest hint of a breath.
    Education: Has attended the best private schools where she apparently learned the above
    Skills.

    Minimum Bid: $250,000 USD which is about ¼ the amount I have spent on her up to this point.


    Yes, I know, there is a problem with this. What if proper “Wizard of Odds” strategy requires that I split or double? Not a problem. I got 3 more of ‘em.


    For sale, one 18 year old blonde haired, green eyed female…

  2. #2
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    What are their measurements

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bruno712
    in the hope of recouping some of my losses due to a 20 year investment gone bad,
    Pretty funny Bruno. Tough being a parent. But you can't auction her now - she has to finish college and grad school before she marries (you pay for that too) a lawyer and settles into being a housewife.

  4. #4
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    Sadly, your starting bid is way too high. Most people would rather rent one for much less.
    Do you have a money back guarantee? How about free shipping and handling? Better yet, can I exchange the merchandise if it's flawed?

  5. #5
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    LMAO
    ! Brother, are you in all sorts of trouble if your womenfolk ever see this!!

    I'll bet most fathers who have survived the teenaged daughter syndrome will identify in some way with Bruno's tribulations. It does get better from now on though, as these Daddy's girls grow up and become useful and far more lovable citizens.....
    jetset

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    Quote Originally Posted by hhcfreebie
    Sadly, your starting bid is way too high. Most people would rather rent one for much less.
    Do you have a money back guarantee? How about free shipping and handling? Better yet, can I exchange the merchandise if it's flawed?
    The product will drive itself ... errr ... em .... herself to your delivery
    location, no problem. Yes in case of defect, you can exchange for a nearly
    identical product. The guy did say he had three, didn't he?

  7. #7
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    Can I bid through paypal? Also is a <test-drive> a possibility so I can be sure that the merchandise is as stated?

    Please dispatch the merchandise to this address:

    John Bon
    223 huxley gardens
    London
    SW92 0ZD
    UK

    Upon receive of the item I will test it as soon at it comes out from the box so no delay will occur.Once approved i'll dispatch you a cheque in a timely fashion

    Regards
    I live. I rest. I am at peace. It is good

  8. #8
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    I'm guessing there's a restocking fee in the event the package is opened or otherwise tampered with.

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