- Joined
- May 3, 2004
Our children are seeking to enrich their minds and increase their ability to communicate even in the most rudimentary terms, and are being given erroneous definitions to commonly used words by the source to which all rely and believe to be the irrefutable pundit, entrusted with the imposing honor of being the conservator to every word thusfar acknowledged to be a member of the English language. The Dictionary.
The Dicitionary in it's refusal to correct the fallacious exegesis are forcing the children (whom are instructed early on to consult this "ultimate authority" for such clarity) to be ignorant without a conscious choice to be so, these children are therefore, intentionally being misinformed by this exalted and revered amasser and dispenser of erudition to millions and previous generations afore.
The Dictionary is purposefully and intentionally turning the current youth into catachrestic and inept administrators of our nation's businesses and government ill prepared and incapable of such a massive responsibility. Prefating the United States to a loss of it's global leadership.
The Dictionary, in this deviously clandestine manner will create a world of ignorant uneducated human beings, simply because The Dictionary publishes, year after year, erroneous and blatantly false definitions to words that these same children will use out of context because of it.
After months of careful research and consulting with numerous linguists much revered and respected for their life encompassing devotion to the English language and the words that are it's compilation, I have gathered and validated the following grievous inaccuracies found in EVERY dicitionary currently in print.
What you see below are the word and definition printed in the Dictionary, followed by the ACTUAL and TRUE definition (note: not all definitions for said word are given, only those pertinent to the proving of said facts, priorly alleged) the Dictionary has purposely omitted.
DICTIONARY'S ERRONEOUS DEFINITION
hi-ber-na-ting verb
To pass the winter in a dormant or torpid state.
To be in an inactive or dormant state or period.
MY CORRECTED DEFINITION
hi-ber-na-ting verb
Ability to lie in bed Saturday and/or Sunday regardless of joint ache and bladder pressure to avoid washing windows, cleaning gutters, visiting in-laws, clearing fridge of 6 month old brown penicillin factories of unknown origin.
Ability to fake persuasively deep REM sleep if spouse or mate is heard nearing bedroom, until such time as aforementioned duties cannot feasibly be undertaken and completed until the next weekend, or such a time as spouse or mate completes task themselves as if they do not their lifespan may not be of length that they might actually audience your completion of it.
DICTIONARY'S ERRONEOUS DEFINITION
cool adj
Slang.
Excellent; first-rate: has a cool sports car; had a cool time at the party.
Acceptable; satisfactory: It's cool if you don't want to talk about it.
MY CORRECTED DEFINITION
cool adj
Slang.
The exact opposite of what you think it is, including but not exclusive to;
Trying to learn and then sing the words to the popular songs your children listen to, in front of their friends.
Buying and wearing hiphugger bellbottoms because they look cute on your 13 year old neice and you are young at heart.
Purchasing a vanity plate for the new sportscar you are afraid to push past 3rd gear, that says "STDMFFN" or "HOTCHK" when what hair you have is either 3 feet long on the side and combed over the vast void on the top or you must dye your hair the color you remember it to be when you were a teenager a mere 3 or 4 decades ago, and you are forced to drive with the top always up lest it blow your 3 feet of comb over straight into the air like a giant old "that's right I'm bald and think I can cover it up with 12 pieces of hair" or you will get gnats and millers stuck in the half can of hairspray you used to keep the 80's doo from deflating.
Saying any of the following or combination thereof and especially if the word I and a verb such as "am" are inserted in front of : awesome, righteous, bodacious, keep on truckin', dude, where's the beef, bad, radical, gag me (spoon, fork or any such utensil), as-if, bitchin', boss, chillin', crib, homies, def, fresh, gnarly, stoked, psyche, wicked, and of course, YO!
Telling any minor (under the age of 18) how much you used to drink, puke and drive while doing both when you were their age.
Getting pierced and tattood if you are old enough to know better and cringe at the pain it must cause and/or the dermal area in which piercing or tattoo is applied must be and CAN be stretched manually to do so, because it's what all the "kids" are doing.
DICTIONARY'S ERRONEOUS DEFINITION
mort-gage noun
A temporary, conditional pledge of property to a creditor as security for performance of an obligation or repayment of a debt.
A contract or deed specifying the terms of a mortgage.
The claim of a mortgagee upon mortgaged property.
MY CORRECTED DEFINITION
Mort-gage noun
The monetary obligation that engulfs 2/3 of your monthly income, and is the one and continual testimonial that you are officially a grown up whether you wished to be or not and that the deed securing such mortgage will only be viewed by you in person when you are either too old and senile to know what it is and blow your nose on it, or will be made into a rubbing and etched into your tombstone because you did not live long enough to blow your nose on it.
DICTIONARIES ERRONEOUS DEFINITION
Free verb/adv
Costing nothing; gratuitous: a free meal.
Unobstructed; clear
In a free manner; without restraint.
Without charge.
MY CORRECTED DEFINITION
Free verb/adv
THIS WORD IS FAR BETTER DEFINED BY WHAT "IS NOT" THAN WHAT "IS" AND TO BE EVEN MORE THOROUGH, ANYTHING YOU ONCE/CURRENTLY/OR MAY IN THE FUTURE FIND ENJOYABLE, PLEASURABLE, ENTERTAINING, OR GRATIFYING
Advice
love
sex
food
drink
money
charity
will
speech
government
thought
choice
time
space
air
sample
gift
rent
vote
ticket
entry
CUZ' YOU'RE GONNA PAY SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY, SOONER OR LATER WHETHER YOU KNOW IT OR NOT
Please, I beseech every single one of you, contact the by telephone, postal service, email, smoke signal, morse code, or any other means possible you may find effective, federal, state and local government officials, your bartender, your hairdresser, car poolers, rotary clubs, Elks, Moose and any other private club named after animals that have a hunting season, ANYONE that will listen, and spread the word, that the Dictionary is misleading our children by boldly putting into print these incorrect definitions to words they deserve and are entitled to knowing the LEGITIMATE and UNDENIABLY TRUE definitions I have authenticated and irrefutably proven correct. Without us what will happen to the future of these children and of the world as we know it, if we do not act now?
Join me in my crusade, we will aid the children of today to become the middle aged men and women of tomorrow!
wouldyadomydishes - The Mad Housewife.......not because, but with a Cause!
(Cause I just avoided washing the dog and visiting my mother-in-law who smells like lavender and vodka, by writing this!)
The Dicitionary in it's refusal to correct the fallacious exegesis are forcing the children (whom are instructed early on to consult this "ultimate authority" for such clarity) to be ignorant without a conscious choice to be so, these children are therefore, intentionally being misinformed by this exalted and revered amasser and dispenser of erudition to millions and previous generations afore.
The Dictionary is purposefully and intentionally turning the current youth into catachrestic and inept administrators of our nation's businesses and government ill prepared and incapable of such a massive responsibility. Prefating the United States to a loss of it's global leadership.
The Dictionary, in this deviously clandestine manner will create a world of ignorant uneducated human beings, simply because The Dictionary publishes, year after year, erroneous and blatantly false definitions to words that these same children will use out of context because of it.
After months of careful research and consulting with numerous linguists much revered and respected for their life encompassing devotion to the English language and the words that are it's compilation, I have gathered and validated the following grievous inaccuracies found in EVERY dicitionary currently in print.
What you see below are the word and definition printed in the Dictionary, followed by the ACTUAL and TRUE definition (note: not all definitions for said word are given, only those pertinent to the proving of said facts, priorly alleged) the Dictionary has purposely omitted.
DICTIONARY'S ERRONEOUS DEFINITION
hi-ber-na-ting verb
To pass the winter in a dormant or torpid state.
To be in an inactive or dormant state or period.
MY CORRECTED DEFINITION
hi-ber-na-ting verb
Ability to lie in bed Saturday and/or Sunday regardless of joint ache and bladder pressure to avoid washing windows, cleaning gutters, visiting in-laws, clearing fridge of 6 month old brown penicillin factories of unknown origin.
Ability to fake persuasively deep REM sleep if spouse or mate is heard nearing bedroom, until such time as aforementioned duties cannot feasibly be undertaken and completed until the next weekend, or such a time as spouse or mate completes task themselves as if they do not their lifespan may not be of length that they might actually audience your completion of it.
DICTIONARY'S ERRONEOUS DEFINITION
cool adj
Slang.
Excellent; first-rate: has a cool sports car; had a cool time at the party.
Acceptable; satisfactory: It's cool if you don't want to talk about it.
MY CORRECTED DEFINITION
cool adj
Slang.
The exact opposite of what you think it is, including but not exclusive to;
Trying to learn and then sing the words to the popular songs your children listen to, in front of their friends.
Buying and wearing hiphugger bellbottoms because they look cute on your 13 year old neice and you are young at heart.
Purchasing a vanity plate for the new sportscar you are afraid to push past 3rd gear, that says "STDMFFN" or "HOTCHK" when what hair you have is either 3 feet long on the side and combed over the vast void on the top or you must dye your hair the color you remember it to be when you were a teenager a mere 3 or 4 decades ago, and you are forced to drive with the top always up lest it blow your 3 feet of comb over straight into the air like a giant old "that's right I'm bald and think I can cover it up with 12 pieces of hair" or you will get gnats and millers stuck in the half can of hairspray you used to keep the 80's doo from deflating.
Saying any of the following or combination thereof and especially if the word I and a verb such as "am" are inserted in front of : awesome, righteous, bodacious, keep on truckin', dude, where's the beef, bad, radical, gag me (spoon, fork or any such utensil), as-if, bitchin', boss, chillin', crib, homies, def, fresh, gnarly, stoked, psyche, wicked, and of course, YO!
Telling any minor (under the age of 18) how much you used to drink, puke and drive while doing both when you were their age.
Getting pierced and tattood if you are old enough to know better and cringe at the pain it must cause and/or the dermal area in which piercing or tattoo is applied must be and CAN be stretched manually to do so, because it's what all the "kids" are doing.
DICTIONARY'S ERRONEOUS DEFINITION
mort-gage noun
A temporary, conditional pledge of property to a creditor as security for performance of an obligation or repayment of a debt.
A contract or deed specifying the terms of a mortgage.
The claim of a mortgagee upon mortgaged property.
MY CORRECTED DEFINITION
Mort-gage noun
The monetary obligation that engulfs 2/3 of your monthly income, and is the one and continual testimonial that you are officially a grown up whether you wished to be or not and that the deed securing such mortgage will only be viewed by you in person when you are either too old and senile to know what it is and blow your nose on it, or will be made into a rubbing and etched into your tombstone because you did not live long enough to blow your nose on it.
DICTIONARIES ERRONEOUS DEFINITION
Free verb/adv
Costing nothing; gratuitous: a free meal.
Unobstructed; clear
In a free manner; without restraint.
Without charge.
MY CORRECTED DEFINITION
Free verb/adv
THIS WORD IS FAR BETTER DEFINED BY WHAT "IS NOT" THAN WHAT "IS" AND TO BE EVEN MORE THOROUGH, ANYTHING YOU ONCE/CURRENTLY/OR MAY IN THE FUTURE FIND ENJOYABLE, PLEASURABLE, ENTERTAINING, OR GRATIFYING
Advice
love
sex
food
drink
money
charity
will
speech
government
thought
choice
time
space
air
sample
gift
rent
vote
ticket
entry
CUZ' YOU'RE GONNA PAY SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY, SOONER OR LATER WHETHER YOU KNOW IT OR NOT
Please, I beseech every single one of you, contact the by telephone, postal service, email, smoke signal, morse code, or any other means possible you may find effective, federal, state and local government officials, your bartender, your hairdresser, car poolers, rotary clubs, Elks, Moose and any other private club named after animals that have a hunting season, ANYONE that will listen, and spread the word, that the Dictionary is misleading our children by boldly putting into print these incorrect definitions to words they deserve and are entitled to knowing the LEGITIMATE and UNDENIABLY TRUE definitions I have authenticated and irrefutably proven correct. Without us what will happen to the future of these children and of the world as we know it, if we do not act now?
Join me in my crusade, we will aid the children of today to become the middle aged men and women of tomorrow!
wouldyadomydishes - The Mad Housewife.......not because, but with a Cause!
(Cause I just avoided washing the dog and visiting my mother-in-law who smells like lavender and vodka, by writing this!)
