Guess

[bagofmaggots]

Whats black and comes in a little white can???






Michael Jackson

[hhcfreebie]

What's the difference between a plastic bag and Michael Jackson?
One is white, the other is dangerous to the children.

[m249a]

LMFAO

[bagofmaggots]

How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?



























No one knows its never been done.

[WEBlady]

lolz....try this one

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a bottle.
She picked it up and rubbed it, and 'low-and-behold' a genie appeared!

The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.
The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth.
I'm a one-wish genie. So...what'll it be?"

The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East.
See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other
and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa.
It will bring about world peace and harmony."

The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These
countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape
after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I'm good but not THAT
good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be
reasonable."

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to
find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to
cook and help with the house cleaning, is great in bed, and gets along
with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful.
That is what I wish for...a good man."

The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see that friggin' map again."

[bagofmaggots]

There was this guy who owned a small business. He had 2 employees: Jack and Jill. The business wasn't doing very well and he had to lay one of them off. He couldn't decide on which one because they were both great workers. So he decided whoever left for lunch first he would lay off, but they both ate lunch at their desks! Then he decided whoever left work first at the end of the day he would lay off, but they both left at exactly the SAME time!! Now he didn't know what to do so he went up to Jill after work and asked, "I don't know whether to lay you or Jack off..." And Jill responded,"Well you'd better jackoff because I'm late for an appointment."

[m249a]

This blind fella is standing at the corner with his seeing eye dog waiting to cross the street, when his pooch lifts his leg and you guessed it, right down the side of his nice herringbone tweed trousers. The guy immediately reaches into his jacket pocket and retrieves a doggie treat which he starts to offer to Fido. A businessman, who is also waiting to cross the street, observes this happening and interrupts, "None of my business, but are you aware of the fact that your dog just wizzed all down the leg of your pants?" "Yes, I'm trying to break him of that habit", replies the blind man. "Well, it's none of my business," retorts the onlooker, "but you're not going to teach him much by rewarding him with a treat!" To which the blind fella chuckles, "Oh I'm not rewarding him. I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his ASS!"

[m249a]

This woman is driving into a small town and slams on the brakes as a coyote runs across the road in front of her. Just as she regains her wits and gets ready to proceed, a cowboy runs right in front of her and catches the coyote by the hind legs and starts screwing it. "Oh my God!" she exclaims and drives into town to find the local law. She sees the local sheriff's car parked in front of the town bar. "It figures," she says as she storms inside. The first thing she notices is an old, old man with a long white beard sitting in the corner jacking-off. She runs up to the sheriff who's sitting at the bar with his drink. "What kind of sick town are you running here? I drive into town and almost run over some cowboy sodomizing an animal.... and then ...I come in here ...and see this old man in the corner jacking-off right in public!" "Well, ma'am," the sheriff slowly replies, "you don't expect him to catch a coyote at his age, do ya?"

[bagofmaggots]

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Sam, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Sam had the longest private part he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Sam," said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity."

And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's distinguishing member. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife.

"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened his briefcase.

"Oh, my God!" she screamed, "Sam is dead!"

[bagofmaggots]

A guy walks onto a bar and sees a large sign.

FREE BEER! WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.

Bartender: 'Well, FIRST you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can't make a face while doing it. SECOND, there's a alligator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. THIRD, there's a woman up-stairs who's ever had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her.
Man: Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and the requirements get crazier from there.

Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, 'Wherez zat teeqeelah?' He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence. The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. 'Now' he says 'Where's that woman with the sore tooth?'