- Joined
- Jun 30, 1998
- Location
- Bierland
Turkey
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,
"Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am,
they're dead."
Caught for speeding
The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding,
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop
said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.
Stuck under a bridge
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead
of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for
miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car
and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and
says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering
this bridge and ran out of gas."
Drunk?
The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb
and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to
take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk". The wasted wino asked,
"Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure,"
said the copper. "Let's go." Obviously relieved, the wino said
"That's a relief - I thought I was a cripple."
Dealing with trouble
A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom
disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet
tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he
could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too. Said the policeman, "I'll
bet that you're also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini." The
giant nodded. "If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show
us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why
don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?" Once in the
cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. "I can't get out
of these," the giant growled. "Are you sure?" the deputy asked. The fellow
tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it." "In that case," said the
deputy, "you're under arrest."
Too Late
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and
walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a
policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." The man said. "And who is going to give a
lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife," said the man.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,
"Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am,
they're dead."
Caught for speeding
The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding,
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop
said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.
Stuck under a bridge
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead
of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for
miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car
and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and
says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering
this bridge and ran out of gas."
Drunk?
The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb
and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to
take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk". The wasted wino asked,
"Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure,"
said the copper. "Let's go." Obviously relieved, the wino said
"That's a relief - I thought I was a cripple."
Dealing with trouble
A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom
disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet
tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he
could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too. Said the policeman, "I'll
bet that you're also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini." The
giant nodded. "If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show
us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why
don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?" Once in the
cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. "I can't get out
of these," the giant growled. "Are you sure?" the deputy asked. The fellow
tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it." "In that case," said the
deputy, "you're under arrest."
Too Late
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and
walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a
policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." The man said. "And who is going to give a
lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife," said the man.
