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weesie

Ever Get In A Fight With An Inanimate Object? And Lose?

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by , 30th November 2012 at 05:34 PM (8469 Views)
World English Dictionary:

inanimate (ɪnˈænɪmɪt)

— adj
1. lacking the qualities or features of living beings; not animate:inanimate objects
2. lacking any sign of life or consciousness; appearing dead
3. lacking vitality; spiritless; dull


Have you ever gotten into a fight with an inanimate object..... and LOST?

I did. And, not only once, but, three times is one fricking day!

1) Wednesday, I was in the shower. We have one of those shower heads that you can switch the flow to the hand held.
The hand held part works great for rinsing the hard to reach parts of your body. (As well as other things)

Anyway, I'm in the shower. The shower head is way too high for me to reach so, I use my back brush, which has a hole in the handle to reach up, loop the brush handle hole on the lever, and push the lever back. This is suppose to make the water flow from the hand held.

For some unknown-to-me reason, it takes TWO clicks on the lever to make the water transfer to the hand held. So, being relatively short, I reach up to click the lever (with the handle of my back brush)......... one click, no farther..... water coming slowly out of both shower heads. A setting that basically makes BOTH shower heads useless in my opinion. This is not good enough, so, I click it back to the regular shower head. Try again.

Again, the one click and it stops. Not only that, but the whole shower head is now moving back and forth as I try to click it. This went on for about eight attempts. I finally gave up. I had lost the battle.

2) I had survived the shower incident now on to make dinner. Along with the meat and gravy, I had decided on broccoli (frozen) and egg noodles(see next battle).

The broccoli, bought at Sams, comes in a large two pack. I had previously taken one bag out, so there was one left in the outer bag ( the outer bag being my enemy). There was, I thought, an adequate size hole in the outer bag to be able to get the inner bag out. I mean, I managed to get the first bag out before, right? Ha! In my mind, it shoud come right out.

Try as I did, I was obviously NOT smarter than the bag. So, after attempting this feat on my own (a few good pulls on the outer fortress) I ended up getting scissors and cutting that sucker out!

Battle 2 result: I kinda won, but, I had to use a weapon!

3) Egg Noodles

Lesson : Dry egg noodles do not like to be separated from one another.

Once I got the water boiling rapidly, I pulled the new bag open. I was even surprised the bag opened so smoothly and evenly. No jagged edges or tears down the side. (this happens often when you are not smart enough to use scissors(weapon of choice in prior battle) to open it evenly.

I wanted to use about half the bag and started pouring them in. The pot was on the back burner because the meat & gravy and the (victorious) broccoli were on the two front ones. The noodles, at that point, seemed to take a on life of their own and as I pulled the bag away, up and over the two front dishes, they continued to fall out. All over the place.

It was at this point, with dry noodles laying like a bed of grass covering the entire stove and all over the floor, that I realized the bag had split open the length of one side. I couldn't even try to sweep them all together back into the bag (which is now useless anyway) because they were lying ever so close or even in the hot burners of the other dishes.

Battle 3 result: I do feel a bit victorious........... because the noodles did suffer some casualties.

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Comments

  1. harrys99's Avatar
    Great story! Being of short stature I can totally relate to incident #1 LOL.
  2. secret2's Avatar
    I agree, great story, Weesie

    I have very small hands and short arms...and a very heavy hand-truck, for my deliveries...it can really suck some days..I wrestle with my packages every day, my small hands can't grip, so they fall...and I must look a mess to the public..lol..

    So, yes I get into fights everyday with my inanimate 'passengers'.
  3. weesie's Avatar
    Thank you guys! I know a lot of people don't pay much attention to the blog column! When I write, I try to put a humorous twist to it. It doesn't always work! Comments are always welcome.
  4. Bono2u2's Avatar
    OMG weesie! You are one very lucky woman!!... Girrll, let me tell ya a story!!


    God's gonna get me for this one but ever since I read your blog I can't get this outta my head. (Lord forgive me)

    This happened almost 20 years ago... A man (AJ) was/is a member in a fishing club my husband belongs to.
    AJ had a girlfriend he lived with named Linda, they were together about 4 years when the "accident" happened.

    Everyone called Linda AJ's "sugar mama" (including AJ), she was 18 years his senior, quite bitchy, and not pretty.
    Within the first year of them dating AJ gave up his house, quit his job, and moved in with her.

    They seemed content... AJ could fish whenever he wanted as long as he first took care of Linda's "wants & desires".
    One of which included operating the shower nozzle or at the very least taking it down for Linda.
    Linda was a very, very short lady. (By the way, me too 5")

    AJ was out fishing when he received the call, Linda had been in an accident and he needed to come home ASAP!

    I can't think of how to say this properly so I'll just say it...

    The story told was Linda was trying to "unhook" the shower nozzle for herself... She slipped, fell and hit her head..... Linda did not survive her battle with the shower nozzle that day..... May she R.I.P.

    Note: Linda left her house, cars, and all her money to her only son.... AJ received nothing and was immediately forced to leave their home. He was penneiless and homeless.... Took a little time but he got back on his feet.
  5. ksech's Avatar
    I'm laughing as I read this...so very sorry!...but I've been there too! My problem is, I start yelling at these things as if they will respond back!!!! My four- legged residents (thank God they aren't two-legged, cause they'd have me committed for sure! LOL) must think I'm quite insane most days. I have a tendency to "talk" (and on some occasions argue with) to whatever it is I'm trying to manage. Just remember...there is NO reasoning with inanimate objects...ever...they have a mind of their own!!!!
  6. weesie's Avatar
    Thank you so much for reading and commenting ksech! Yes, the next day or so, I couldn't help but laugh about the whole day. It was crazy!
  7. Bono2u2's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by weesie
    When I write, I try to put a humorous twist to it. It doesn't always work! Comments are always welcome.
    I thoroughly enjoy your stories! I thought, I don't know what she does for a living but she should be a writer!
    I ment to include that in my comment yesterday but my laptop is my #1 nemesis in my battles with inanimate objects.....
    Thanks for your stories... Keep'em comin'!
  8. weesie's Avatar
    Thank you so much bono!!
  9. weesie's Avatar
    Also, bono, your story is humorous too. Too bad it ended the way it did!

    It seems things can go horribly wrong at times and then a day or two later, a person can see the humor.......
  10. Bono2u2's Avatar
    Thanks weesie!..... I hoped it did not offend anyone or make me seem heartless.
    It was a long time ago, I didn't know her personaly. Back when it happened the town made a joke of it cause she was know as a really mean lady.
    I couldn't help but remember it when I read your blog.
  11. ksech's Avatar
    A little hint (tip) for cooking your noodles...If you have a metal collander that will fit into the pot you want to use to boil your noodles...

    Place the noodles right in the collander, then submerge the whole thing into the pot. Once the noodles are finished cooking, simply (and carefully) pull the collander out of the pot and place in sink to finish draining.
  12. P.V.'s Avatar
    I've been in many fights with inanimate objects but my problem is if I can't beat it, I get ticked off and I destroy it during the process!

    Of course then I have to replace it!
  13. weesie's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by ksech
    A little hint (tip) for cooking your noodles...If you have a metal collander that will fit into the pot you want to use to boil your noodles...

    Place the noodles right in the collander, then submerge the whole thing into the pot. Once the noodles are finished cooking, simply (and carefully) pull the collander out of the pot and place in sink to finish draining.
    Thank you ksech! Sounds like a good idea.
  14. weesie's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by P.V.
    I've been in many fights with inanimate objects but my problem is if I can't beat it, I get ticked off and I destroy it during the process!

    Of course then I have to replace it!
    Boy, are you right! It reminds me of my ex-husband. He had a long work bench in our garage. At times, it would become so cluttered, he would get frustrated with the mess, but, being in the middle of working on something, he'd rather not clean it at the moment.

    Well, he would drop something or put it on the bench and it would fall off. After repeatedly having to pick up an item, he would take his arm and sweep the whole bench clean. Then stop what he was working on and re-organize the stuff. It always made me laugh to see him do that!
  15. colly's Avatar
    I regularly argue with 2 inanimate objects- mild chastising of my mobile and all out swearing festivals with the computer- don't even get me started on disputes with software code!

    I am glad its not just me but everything these days seems to require knives or scissors to open
  16. immortality's Avatar
    Yeah I've been there too mostly with mobile phones, I once threw my mobile phone at a wall and broke it but it slit my finger when I threw it, hard lesson learned... I was 19
  17. weesie's Avatar
    Thank you for reading, colly and immortality! I hope you enjoyed it!
  18. kauphy's Avatar
    my hubby says it the 10% rule. you have to be 10% smarter then the thing your trying to do.

    i loved your story made me smile thanks.

    and also all the replies were really good too
  19. weesie's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by kauphy
    my hubby says it the 10% rule. you have to be 10% smarter then the thing your trying to do.

    i loved your story made me smile thanks.

    and also all the replies were really good too
    Thank you for reading kauphy! I am glad you liked it. I will have to remember that 10% rule. It could apply to so many things!

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