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Hi Jenni
I remember reading a few of your posts. I am in no way a therapist or counselor and this is just an opinion:
I personally feel you use gambling as a stress reliever by the way your post is going. I also feel it could turn into an addiction if you dont address the issues you are having. If youve been messing around with gambling since the age of 12 and it hasnt taken over your life by now, I feel you have a strong hold on it. I feel with the loss of your grandma along with boredome you are turning to gambling to relieve both your stress and boredom. Maybe get a part time christmas job like gift wrapping etc. This way you will earn it instead of spend it.
Im glad you are posting and maybe others will give some input. I wish you all the luck and hope you find some relief. Ive been gambling my whole as well. My cousins were jockeys ,my gramps taught me poker and craps by the time I was 7 and my life is still in control, infact I just took a 2 week break because I saw myself depositing more as the holidays are nearing and I seem to get a little depressed because my family isnt near me. The holidays can be a huge trigger for addictions.
Be well sweety! Im sure you can make it through this
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