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Farmer Johnny
Little Johnny didn't show up at school one day.
The next day, when the teacher asked him why he stayed home, Little Johnny explained, "Our cow was in heat, so I had to take her to the bull."
"How disgusting," remarked the teacher, "I'm sure your father could have done that!"
"No ma'am, he couldn't have, 'cause he only takes care of the sheep..."
Gift
It was the second grade teacher's birthday. So every child in the class was giving her a special gift.
Anna's mother owned a flower shop, so Anna gave the teacher some beautiful flowers.
Robert's parents owned a candy shop. Robert gave the teacher a wonderful box of assorted candies.
Then it was little Johnny's turn. Johnny's dad owned a liquor store! So Johnny brought a big box for his teacher. When little Johnny handed the box to his teacher, she noticed that the bottom of the box was wet. So she put her finger on it and tasted.
"Is it wine?" the teacher asked.
"No, it's not wine!" Johnny replied.
She tasted it again. "Hmmmmmm. Is it some sort of liquor?"
"Nope, it's not liquor!" said Johnny.
She tasted it again and was puzzled. "Well, Johnny, I give up. What is it?"
Johnny was excited. "It's a puppy!" he said.
Full Tank
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, "Hey, Daddy! What are you doin'?"
His father replied, "Son, I'm filling your mother's tank."
Little Johnny remarks, "Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that gets better mileage, cause the postman filled her this morning."
Poor Fish
Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Little Johnny?"
"My goldfish died," replied Little Johnny tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
As Little Johnny patted down the last heap of earth he then replied, "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
The President and Johnny
President George W. Bush is visiting an elementary school, and he visits one of the 4th grade classes. The students and their teacher are in the middle of a discussion about words and their meanings.
The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word "tragedy," so the president asks the class for an example of a tragedy.
One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend, who lives next door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy."
"No" says Bush, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not" explains the President. "That's what we would call a GREAT LOSS."
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Bush searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally, way in the back of the room, a boy named Johnny raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, "If Air Force One, carrying you and Mrs. Bush, was struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."
"Correct" exclaims Bush, "that's right. And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," Lil' Johnny said, "because, like you just told us, it wouldn't be an accident, and it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss."
Satchmo the man the myt the working class hero...
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